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cass ( member #24261) posted at 9:59 PM on Friday, August 19th, 2011
Dear Dead M
As one of probably many who have followed your story, I'm so very sorry this happened to your wife. I am sickened by the actions of this beast.
I wish you both strength and healing, and a long and happy future together.
(((Dead M & wife))))
DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.
Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!
isadora ( member #29130) posted at 10:18 PM on Friday, August 19th, 2011
((Dead M))
I am just catching up on your thread. Wow. I am so sorry both you and your wife are having to go through this.
Don't beat yourself up. You did the best you could based on the information you had at the time.
Kudos to you for listening to those that gave you advice and your wife.
Sending you good thoughts for continued healing.
Me: BW Him: who cares
Divorced: 4/2015
2 DDs and 2DSs
Who knows how many affairs at this point
Multiple D-Days
I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.
ronnie10 ( member #31008) posted at 11:37 PM on Friday, August 19th, 2011
Just finished reading the rest of the posts here. Bst of luck to the two you!!
From my heart!
ronnie10 
I like to call it as I see it. Could that be the truth??
Dead M (original poster member #32972) posted at 6:06 AM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
BTW, My wife's name is Vanessa, and she just finished reading all of the posts here. She wishes me to thank you all from the bottom of her heart, and says that she believes that the healing has already begun, when her Hero (again, her words not mine) took her back. I did no such thing, because she never left my heart.
jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 11:19 AM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
And your signature line---starting "R"---that is for RECOVERY, because the two of you have nothing to reconcile.
My heart goes out to you, Vanessa. I can only begin to imagine the suffering that you have endured. You are a fantastic woman, and you have a fantastic husband. Your bond will only strengthen in the future.
Best wishes.
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
SadCalifornian ( member #32881) posted at 12:46 PM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
This is for Vanessa,
Vanessa, I am sorry that this happened to you. As a man, I can only imagine how traumatic this experience has been for you. Rape is one thing, but you have been accused of, rather you yourself thought you somehow willingly participated in this sexual act. This is so wrong on many fronts.
You however have so many wonderful things going for you, all those wonderful people around you, especially your loving and strong husband. You should be the envy of all women, and keep strong and concentrate on recovering from this ordeal. Although this is a past that you rather forget, but through this you learned what what kind of man your husband truly is, what he is made of. Good luck to you and your husband.
[This message edited by SadCalifornian at 3:08 PM, August 20th (Saturday)]
Me - XBH(47)
Her - XWW(41)
Two Kids (DD 11, DS 6)
Married 10 yrs
Divorced (Feb, 2007)
ForwardMotion ( member #32608) posted at 3:01 PM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
Dead M (bit of a misnomer, eh?) and Vanessa...bless you both. Stay strong together. You will get through.
[This message edited by ForwardMotion at 11:13 AM, August 20th (Saturday)]
me - BH
'It's not the end of everything,
It's just end of everything you know.'
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 6:14 PM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
((((Dead M)))) ((((Vanessa))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 6:27 PM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
DM,
Hang in there. She's going to go through some rough periods, and your support can make all the difference. It's wonderful that you are so solidly behind her. I wish you the best.
Vanessa,
You have more strength than you know. You can make it through this. Please know that this is NOT your fault. I know how hard it is to believe that sometimes, but hang onto that fact with every ounce of strength in your body. You can fight your way through this and heal so that your world can be safe again. You are in my prayers.
F2S
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
SoldieringOn ( member #29487) posted at 6:54 PM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
This is possibly both the most horrific and at the same time best story I've ever read.
Dead M. I'm so sorry. My wife experienced the same thing 17 years ago. It may be what put my wife in the situation she is in. It sounds like you are, but make DAMN SURE you get help addressing this. After a couple of years of counseling and supporting her, it became something in the past. I had no idea what it fostered in her. Keep a close watch on Vanessa. For a very long time.
The couple who assaulted my wife never had to face judgment, not enough evidence and they fled shortly thereafter. I will pray for justice for the virus/thing that did this to your wife.
My deepest admiration goes out to you.
My deepest sympathies go out to your wife.
I hope your marriage is long, happy, and peaceful.
Soldier 45
DBGS Ex Wife 44
Was Married 21 Years
Son - 13 years old
D-Day 23 AUG 10
Divorced 5 OCT 11
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 7:13 PM on Saturday, August 20th, 2011
((((Vanessa and DM)))) I'm so glad you have one another.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
Dead M (original poster member #32972) posted at 7:12 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011
Hi Folks! Well the shit has hit the fan. Yet another woman has come forward to accuse the OM of assault, and his lawyer is now trying to bargain with three (count em) three lawyers, to plead guilty to a lesser charge. My lawyer has said that even with a bargain, he will be doing hard time for 5-7 years. He is in his fifties now so he will spend most of his declining years as a prisoner. This is great news, but there's even better news. Ness (Vanessa) has really come around, and her therapist says that my care and love has been the most important thing. That's nice to hear, don't you think? We are going to take a vacation to Belize next week, as soon as I can get away, and spend 14 or 15 days showering each other with love. See ya later!!
minime ( member #32840) posted at 7:37 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011
Great news and thank you for sharing and letting us know.
I am really glad that scumbag is getting what he deserves. I really hope he goes for more than 5-7 years and gets to be on the receiving end of his "Karma bus" from his prison mate 
Me: BH: 31
Her: WS: 30
Married: 5 years, 13 years together
DDay #1: 3/1/11 - Denied affair, agrees to NC (false)
DDay #2: 6/29/11 - EA/PA for 2 years
Kid: 10 months...WTF?!?
Favorite Quote: Each betrayal begins with trust
bufffalo ( member #21854) posted at 8:55 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011
My lawyer has said that even with a bargain, he will be doing hard time for 5-7 years.
I dont know about the laws in Ohio...but here in Texas, he'd get to register as a sex offender....with his own page on the "registered sex offender" website.....
My oldest daughter was sexually assaulted at 15.....and i look at the registered sex offenders website in Texas every month (when i make my housepayment).....that in its self if a huge hastle..(better clarify...its a hastle being a registered sex offender - not a hastle checking on the offender every month)..
Check for the laws in Ohio....also make sure that the "registering" is also part of the punishment phase.... and dont agree to "differed adjutication" (that means that after a certain time period - say 10 years - it didnt happen!!)....
Keep us posted...
Bufffalo
[This message edited by bufffalo at 8:24 PM, August 24th (Wednesday)]
hopingforhappy ( member #29288) posted at 9:01 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011
So glad that this horrible incident has ended with that scum bag getting what he deserves. You and your wife can at least know that your strong and courageous actions have saved other women from becoming his victims as well. Have a wonderful time in Belize, it a very beautiful place.
Me--BW (57)
Him--FWH (54)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 21 years
DS-19, DD-16
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!
ronnie10 ( member #31008) posted at 2:10 AM on Thursday, August 25th, 2011
Good luck, all the best!! Have a great trip, enjoy!!
From my heart to you both,
ronnie10 
I like to call it as I see it. Could that be the truth??
incrisis ( member #12945) posted at 8:23 AM on Thursday, August 25th, 2011
(((DM and Ness)))
I am so sorry for all you've been through this past month or more, but so very glad and relieved that you've come through it together. I hope that all of your family is able to heal from this trauma--I'm sure they love you very much.
Best wishes to both of you for a bright and happy future.
BW: 40 (34 on DDay)
WH: 39 (33 on Dday, LTA and PAs)
M: 11 years, together 14, at time of S
3 kids
D-nial: 11/01/06
S: 07/21/07
D-ing! (very slowly)
--
gulliblelass ( member #16089) posted at 2:45 PM on Thursday, August 25th, 2011
Dead M and Vanessa
Just read your post and it brought tears of sadness and anger to my eyes.
I can honestly see where yours and her first thoughts of it being a drunken ONS came from but then to see how it has unfolded and how you Vanessa have reacted and been since that time, is heartbreaking.
Now to read that this scum bag of, I can't even bring myself to call him a man, more a monster, has done this to several others is unbelievable.
I hope you both get to see him punished and get your day in court, even though it will be hard for you Vanessa.
I wish you both happiness and healing for the future and hope that you can put this terrible ordeal behind you in time.
Have a wonderful break together and lets hope the time will help you both to heal and come back as one.
Love to you both.
Big hugs
[This message edited by gulliblelass at 8:47 AM, August 25th (Thursday)]
WH 49
Me 44
3 beautiful children
Married 14 years together 17
DD1 03/06
DD2 06/07
In R and going well, hoping everyday that this is the last time otherwise I'm out of here
still2suspicious ( member #31722) posted at 4:44 PM on Thursday, August 25th, 2011
DeadM-
Just read your post. My heart goes out to you and Vanessa.
It is truly awe-inspiring to see your story unfold, and the manner in which you conducted yourself. You listened to your wife, and followed your gut. Great job.
I hope the POS rots in hell!!! Maybe he'll be in a room with good ol' Bubba!! that would be justice.
Vanessa, please accept my sympathy for what you have gone thru. Although we read these kinds of story, until you go thru it, you have no idea the true trauma. Your amazing H is there for you all the way, that will go a long way in your recovery.
Best of luck to you both. Have a wonderful time on vacation.
My prayers are with you.
Me: BSHim: WHDDay: LTEA Every storm runs out of rain - Gary Allen
D final 2/23
silverhopes ( member #32753) posted at 10:47 PM on Monday, August 29th, 2011
Goddamnit. This is one of those situations where you f***ing didn't want to be right.
I am so sorry. :(
Your wife didn't deserve that. I am so happy that you're there for her, that she has someone who will love her and help her through all this shit.
She sounds like a strong person. You might be prepared to help her if, years from now (or in the immediate future), a trigger happens and she needs support. It happens. You can be perfectly fine, and out of nowhere, something will hurt you. But knowing that she has you, her other half, loving and supporting her, makes it a lot easier.
I hope that she will consider herself a survivor, rather than a victim.
Props to her for surviving. And props to her for speaking up. She might have just saved several women from suffering the same. And she might have given courage to the other women to speak up. She's a hero. Or a SHERO, actually.
She might feel like purging, or like reclaiming something that was lost. She might mourn. She might rejoice that she survived. Those are all normal.
(((Vanessa)))
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.
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