SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

fyi. … as the title suggests, this post overflows with TMI regarding sex and the male anatomy.

A little background:

My WW has had multiple A’s. There were several comments that she has made to me over the years. Once she told me she didn’t want to fool around because I would just get her hot and bothered and not be able to do anything about it. Another time as I did a second glance at a carload of girls in a convertible as we drove through an intersection, she told me not to bother looking because I couldn’t handle them anyway. Since d-day, she told me that on of the OM was so well hung that he had plenty left over after he put it in as far as it would go. I’ll stop there as you get the idea.

Needless to say I have developed a size complex over the years. I am only about 5” long and about an inch and three quarters around. And yes, I recently measured one morning because all this is just too much and it is screwing with my head. I know that measuring it was pathetic but my world is crashing around me and I needed to know for sure. I have also learned that I am on the short end of average.

In preparation of doing a poly, I asked a myriad of questions so I could narrow them down and focus on that which is troubling. So I asked about size and how she viewed me as a lover. I asked these same questions a few months ago and she answered them differently. Now the truth comes out.

So she confirmed that bigger feels better and she actually prefers bigger than me. She confirmed that she had more fun in bed with them. Just so I would know how she see’s me, I asked her if she thought I could handle a carload of women, and she said no. So, I asked her if her OM could and she said yes. She has also preferred more rough and aggressive men than me. So I am not her preference, I just barely meet the minimum requirements.

Before I go any further, let me say this: I have absolutely no issues with any woman preferring a well endowed man. That doesn’t make them slutty. In fact I think it is healthy and very respectable for a woman to know what she wants and know who is a compatible lover. But, my WW knew this BEFORE she married me. Why the hell did she marry me if I wasn’t good enough. And, how in the hell am I ever going to be intimate with her ever again?

I am not looking for “little dick” sympathy. I am who I am. I am still a man even if I don’t need to use both hands to write my name in the snow. But this is embarrassing and very humiliating for me. This is not good. I don’t know if I can stay in this marriage knowing this. And I doubt I could ever be intimate with any woman ever again in my life.

Am I wrong in thinking this could be a deal breaker?

Joeboo, I thru a sex party for a friends b-day and learnt a whole more.

It is what you do with it that counts.

So that out of the way. Your wife is clearly in the fog. My husband said the same thing to me. Don't attch to it.

If she wants to R she willbe finding ways for both of you to have more fun. Ways that both of you are comfortable with.

I have read a few of your post...I think you should start listen to your gut, it is on the right track.

[This message edited by StuckABM at 7:21 AM, October 31st (Monday)]

Sorry, joeboo, I know she is your wife but would you be offended if I said she was an insensitive bitch?

My FWH is not the biggest (or smallest) man I have been with. I have alot of experience, too. FWH is the best lover I have been with, though.

He isn't selfish when it comes to lovemaking with me. It isn't all about him, he takes the time and care to please me. It really has nothing to do with size.

I think this could be a dealbreaker for you if your WW keeps on insisting on beating your self esteem down.

I honestly think this a way for your wife to vent her hostilities in a way she knows will best wound your self-confidence and pride.

I have been with men of various sizes, in fact I remember the first time i had sex with a man who I had fallen in love with who was extremely large, only to discover he had no sense of rhythm and had no idea how to move his hips other than in and out. I admit i was very disappointed but it was not a deal breaker. I still loved him and wanted to be with him. Did he ever get any better, no? But when we broke up it had NADA to do with his performance in bed.

What is the moral of this story. Penis size is not everything, and neither is sexual performance, if a woman tells you otherwise she is no prize.

I'd rather have a lover who made sure we BOTH saw stars vs. a lover who felt he WAS the star.

Before I begin.. I am a BS. I am a female.

Well..I am going to be blunt. Size doesn't matter. I have been with above average and below average and average. It's not about size. It's about talent. And the talent,it comes with confidence,and if your confidence is knocked, then the talent goes out the door. I know what your WW is saying is cruel, but really, isn't she cruel in other ways? A true woman wouldn't make these comments. She would go out of her way to build you up, not knock you down. And to knock you down in such a personal way is disgusting.

In the end though, only you can say if this is a deal breaker for you. But you, along with everyone else here, deserves to be with people who appreciate them. Not people who knock you down and drag you down the street under the car they run you over with.

Your WW sounds heartless and cruel. Callous, good God, I could think of a lot of descriptive terms about her saying these things to you.

I don't blame you for thinking this may be a deal breaker.

Why did she marry you? Have your asked her? Did she love ALL of you?

More importantly, what are you getting out of staying with someone who is so ignorant and careless with your feelings?

[This message edited by scarredforever at 7:23 AM, October 31st (Monday)]

Somewhat related:

The average woman's vagina is 5" deep.

The common stimulation points (g spot, clitoris) are accessible within 2".

That said, aggressive, rough and energetic sex is something anyone can do. If she never explained what she wanted then how the fuck does she expect you to know what she wants? It's like telling her you want dinner and then throwing the plate at her and calling her fat when she gets the wild guess wrong.

I am with you on the preferences thing, though I admit I am still insecure about it anyway. I have resigned myself to just being attacked by it from its impenetrable fortress in my psyche. I can see her attitude about this being a dealbreaker. She can have those preferences and still have good sex with you the same way you can prefer someone totally different and still have good sex with her. The selfish, self-centered take she has on it is pretty heinous.

Definitely not wrong in thinking it could be a deal breaker.

What are you to this woman? More than just a penis, I would hope! What about everything you are and have been to her outside of the bedroom. Who are you? The man she pledged to love forever. Why did she do that? If she already knew you didn't do it for her,and you actually weren't her type of man and then stood there and made that binding promise before God/friends/family......that's cruelty on another level in my opinion.

And sorry to all women reading this and agreeing about the size thing (I am not trying to insult anyone, I swear) but women who prefer extremely large penises normally have larger vaginas. A smaller vagina will not comfortably accomodate a larger penis- it will probably be awkward for both parties. So maybe size matters to your WW because she's not internally suited to your size. That's no reason for her to make you feel inadequate!! I know of plenty of men who can be very disparaging about women with larger vaginas- the size issue clearly goes bot ways, but I'm sure you'd be seen as cleanly out of order if you were to say "My dick is average size, so if it's not hitting the right buttons, it's because there's too much room there". She'd probably be outraged/distraught and everything in between by your insensitivity. It really annoys me when women sit there saying "Oh, I only like the big ones." Or men that say they prefer sex with women who haven't given birth. In my opinion, people who say that have a very narrow minded view of sex. If she's pursuing one type only and thinks she can justify her decision by downing your genetic make-up, (as if she had no idea before you married) that would be a huge red flag for me as to the value she places on you, your self worth and your feelings.

Having multiple A's and then being so unkind as to not- so- subtly suggest that the size of your genitalia is a major contributing factor is awful. She's the problem, not your penis!

In your position, I'd probably want to say something snippy back, along the lines of her being loose, but that won't help. Might make you smile, but only for a moment. The backlash won't be worth that moment. Maybe you ought to tell her she won't have to worry about having sex with your inadequate penis anymore, since you're not prepared to share it with an inadequate wife. Sounds like she's being a big enough dick for the both of you.

I guess it's a dealbreaker if this makes her uncommitted to your M. Or if it causes too much of an issue for you. Just because you aren't hung to 12in doesn't mean it's cool for her to sleep around. Unless she's Barbie, I suspect she also has suboptimal body design issues.

Oh man. No offense to you, but your WW is cold, mean, spiteful, etc.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that ? I mean the things she has told you are verbally abusive, they are meant to hurt you. She is like the wicked step mother in the old fairy tales

I would say walk away and don't engage, but If you wanted to I am there are many things about her that don't maximize your fulfillment in this area. They might not all be geometry related, but I am sure there are a great many thing. The least of which appears to be her personality.

Don't mean to rip on your WW, but she has just been downright evil with her statements. The fact that they are intended to hurt you and your self esteem make it all the more troubling and revealing about her character.

Yeah well integrity and being a decent human being count a hell of a lot more and it's apparent she can't handle anyone with those qualities.

Joeboo!! I hate this woman! I know you love her and she is your W, so I'm sorry, but she is cruel, manipulative and selfish!

How dare she say something like this to you!!

Others have already said what I think you know deep down - size does not matter!! And if it did, you're average, so??!?!?!

If the size of a man's dick is what's important to her, and sex is the be all and end all to her, then please ask yourself why you are bothering with such a person.

Why the hell did she marry me if I wasn’t good enough.

She didn't, because YOU ARE! She knew that at the time, but due to her own issues is now trying to turn things around on you to justify herself and make herself feel better about what she has done, and is doing (in all the lies etc).

It really looks like she is trying to use anything she can now to try and justify her behaviour. Never mind if it's at your expense.

But this is embarrassing and very humiliating for me.

I understand this, but this woman is absoloutely toxic, and it is her who is doing this to you. The vast majority of women in the world would not dream of doing this to you, and making you feel this way.

It is still all about her, not you. You could be the biggest and best lover in the world, and trust me, she would be finding a way to make you feel bad about it. You'd probably be too big then! Or too rough, or whatever she needed to make you out to be to make herself feel better.

I am so glad that I don't know this woman in RL, as I'd really struggle to hold back here. The more I read about what she's saying and doing the more strongly I wish I could run in there and drag you away from her! I'm sorry that I'm maybe reacting very strongly to this, but you deserve so, so much more than this.

Am I wrong in thinking this could be a deal breaker?

Absolutely not. But not because you aren't good enough in bed or anything like that. Because she is insensitive, cruel and a LIAR.

The best experience I had was with someone who was not "well-endowed." But a very sensitive lover. Your wife is ridiculous.

The best experience I had was with someone who was not "well-endowed." But a very sensitive lover. Your wife is ridiculous.

Ditto

It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean that matters!!

Others have said my thoughts, but still wanted to add my two cents- it seems like she is MAJORLY projecting her self-image issues on you!!

But, my WW knew this BEFORE she married me. Why the hell did she marry me if I wasn’t good enough.

Yeah joeboo, this would be like my husband saying he cheated on me because I have small boobs and he prefers big ones, whereas he knew good and well what size bra I wore when we got married. Wouldn't that make him a huge ass? Same goes for your WW, sorry to say.

She sounds mean. Really.

5" is average. Nothing to feel insecure about.

It seems she goes out of her way to make you feel insecure. Why?

I think the size of her ego matters.

What a sad little woman, who has to put down the man she married, just to keep him in line by keeping him down. If your self esteem is in the toilet, you might not notice just how little she respects herself or anyone else.

Those kinds of comments reveal her own fears. If you were to realize your own value, where would she be after all? As soon as you recognize your own worth and see how little she really values herself, she might find herself alone...with no one but her bitter heart.

That's a comment from someone who felt threatened by you looking at that carload of women. (most of whom, BTW would be fine with your...ahem...size)

She was threatened by the women and threatened by you having looked. So she knocked you down. But you didn't notice that it was about her and not you.

When there isn't a carload of women around, she goes after your anatomy size. When putting you down doesn't feed her need ego sufficiently, she has A's.

She reminds me of a child who is going to hurt you, before you get a chance to hurt her. Not good ingredients for a healthy relationship.

How many other ways, has she put you down over the course of your relationship? If you really think about it, I'll bet you didn't really notice at the time? The fact that she used your size to put you down, reveals just how little depth she has at this point.

Perhaps this is your deal breaker.

Your ww is a mess. She needs really really good IC.

In the meantime, you need to start surrounding yourself with people who build you up, not tear you down.

edited for error

[This message edited by refuz2bavictim at 8:41 AM, October 31st (Monday)]

it's just so cruel and hurtful. that's what stands out most to me.

that said, my fwh had issues and always thought i wanted bigger (like the exBF i had who hurt me...he thought i would prefer that over someone i could actually enjoy more than once a month.)

the funny thing is, i'm having my favorite, therefore the best, sex of my life with someone who is on the smaller side of average, maybe just on the smaller side. he's magically good, totally confident and i want for nothing. for me, (tmi) i have lots of problems with bladder infections, uti's and the sensitive parts that can accompany a life long struggle like mine. i'm nursing a six week long kidney infection right now. my bf being a little smaller means that for the first time, i can have sex several times a night, or several times a week and rarely ever suffer for it. bravo!!

so...don't allow yourself to be with someone who treats you like this...it's so superficial and SOOO hurtful. she knows that. it's just cruel. having sex with a real partner should be intimate, with eye-contact, love, a connection (with a little roughness or play thrown in sometimes, if that suits you both.) you'll find someone who gets it. and she will be the one who deserves to get you...and who will appreciate getting it from you.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 8:47 AM, October 31st (Monday)]