SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So gregg, how did the weekend go? Hope it was a good time for you both and over-wrote some of your mind movies.

--Ats

My WW told me that "at least you are the only one that has done that". At the time, it was just a clue that more had happened than what I knew about if that was all we had left. She likes that though, so I guess it is something for us.

Every female I've been with has not only wanted to try it, but thoroughly enjoyed it. One woman I dated talked about it quite a bit after it came up that I'd done that before. I haven't ever had to request anything, its always been asked for.

It's not for everyone, but she has to be in charge. One way might be more comfortable than another. It's also not something I would suggest at the dinner table. It's one of those things you talk about when you are in that sort of mood.

lol @ msk99's raccoon photo

it was more of a "i think you guys are doing it wrong" look lol

i dont know how to bring back that "just us" feeling. In the car used to be one thing i loved to do with him. Last night i found out he and her did it in the car (he says just her car...ya right!). Its been bad enough getting into MY car knowing she was in it, the thought of them "doing it" or her going down on him makes me want to crash the car into a wall. as it stands now, i put a pin in the passenger seat. Anyone gets in the car and i'll know it lol.

yet another thing "we" shared has been destroyed... :(

Indeed, one of the things FWW said she liked about OM (at the time) was that he was much more aggressive and domineering in bed, and wished I could be a bit more. That's hard to do.

FWIW, I heard the same. It's hard to do because you aren't just using her, and want some more interaction than talking dirty at her foot or something. Which is good for a laugh but riotous laughter during sex can sidetrack everything. Try enthusiastic and energetic instead.

eta:

But, uh, not backstage, if that happens. That's probably a bad time to be enthusiastic and energetic.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 1:27 PM, December 9th (Friday)]

Dude... sorry, but I didn't read all the replies. On top of every thing else said here... here's the real truth about anal sex:

It's not all it's cracked up to be. The only thing it has going for it is that it's taboo. It's not like in porn... those girls don't eat for 12 hours and do enemas before their shoot. They treat their bodies like they are going in for a colonoscopy. The reason they do that is because it is NOT a clean act under normal circumstances. That orifice is meant to be "exit-only" for BOTH of you.

Find something else to do to share between just the two of you... something that you will both enjoy. Trust me... you will not be helping the marriage here. She will be resentful and you will end up disappointed.

Gregg sounds to me like you lack imagination because there a so many things the two of you can do that likely she has not done with anyone. The ones I am going to list are entirely sexual but designed to also enhance intimacy. Ask if she is comfortable with any of these.

Have her lie flat on her back with a pillow under her buttocks. You stand on your knees. As you enter her, she wraps one leg around your waist and the other over your shoulder. It is an easy position that gives you both a nice visual and access to one another.

Stand in front of a full length mirror with her facing it. Enter her from behind. If height differences are a problem place the desk chair between her and the mirror. Position her on the chair to compensate. This position gives you both nice visuals.

Have her lie on her side. You lie behind her with one of her legs over your hip and one of yours pointing toward her head. Your genitals align perpendicular to one another. This sounds difficult but it is easy and gives you a great visual and your

hands easy access to her erogenous

zones.

Sit on the desk chair. She sits on top of you with her legs either around you if she is short or on the floor on either side if she is tall. If her legs are around you, rock back and forth. If her feet can touch the floor have her move up and down. Hold each other tight.

The sex in affairs are usually more physical than intimate. The thrill is the secretiveness. The positions above are very sexual, but also take time to orchestrate. Time is in your favor. Affair sex is usually hurried. Also they all have elements designed to increase intimacy. They work for both of you. It is doubtful these are things they thought to do together and can do wonders to rebuild intimacy and sexual adventuresome as a couple.

If she is comfortable with them, you might find them more satisfying than anal sex which is more about domination than intimacy.

One more thing, an easy way to be more dominating is to suggest the positions and to talk more during sex. State out loud what you are thinking except edit out any insecurities or affair talk. Be descriptive about how the sex feels and what you like about it. Use male talk instead of catering to female sentimentals. The perception will be domineering without aggression.

Uh ya...Im putting myself in your WS shoes and Im thinking if you want to have a great weekend and get closer...this isnt the time to guilt her into something she obviously is NOT comfortable with. You sure your not just trying to take advantage of a situation to finally "go there" It will backfire..no pun intended lol

I thought I would jump in here and say that I’m in much the same spot (finding something special with my WW, not necessarily anal sex), but am not really finding much help with all of the suggestions here for a couple reasons.

First, I think most men are much more focused on the physical act. So I’m going to guess that most people giving suggestions to claim back intimacy are women (sorry, men if you suggested this). Add to this the fact that my WW had an EA/PA and at least in my mind that intimacy/connection was there, as well. I’m not saying working for this is not a good thing (in fact I think it is required for R), just that I don’t see it helping me with the “specialness” aspect.

Second, for those of you suggesting finding new positions it just reminds me of some of the football statistics they’re giving recently. That’s the most completed passes between 15 and 20 yards with less than 4 minutes left in the third quarter by a left handed quarterback when their team is down by 25 points. Basically, anything is special when you look at it close enough. I mean really is it “special” because I moved my leg 2 inches to the right?

Ultimately it will probably have to be intimacy/connection, new positions/locations, or some combination of them, but if I’m honest I really don’t have much hope of ever feeling that specialness again. Even if I was to D and find someone new I don’t see having that specialness, because my WW and I have done pretty much everything at one point or another.