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cl131716 ( member #40699) posted at 7:37 PM on Tuesday, December 17th, 2013
Very good post!!! I really needed this right now!
Me BS 33 Him WS 37
Together 6 years, married almost 4 years
D-day: 07/23/13 EA with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out about a past kiss
D-day: 05/30/16 Saw first text message from new COW
D-day: 09-08-16 Dr. Fone confirmed EA
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 6:18 PM on Friday, December 27th, 2013
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Melian40 ( member #41205) posted at 8:33 AM on Saturday, December 28th, 2013
BW-me:41
BH-him:42
DD-age 10
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.
"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"
meredith132 ( member #41593) posted at 12:16 AM on Friday, January 3rd, 2014
Thanks for this found it really helpful, I have achieved NC for nearly a month and I have had a couple of difficult days but the pain isn't so physical because there is not another twist of the knife from him. I also take comfort knowing he hates being found out, I have acted totally differently to how he expected, he doesn't know what to do he is all at sea 
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 8:26 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 2:14 PM on Thursday, January 30th, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lemony.2008 ( member #20125) posted at 7:58 AM on Thursday, February 6th, 2014
Thanks, lhap, for a great post! 
I see emotional detachment as a form of self-protection, an act of self-love.
Someone once told me to "live your life without reference to him.". It is so powerful and helpful to me. It doesn't mean to be cruel or unkind, but to keep focusing on myself, my needs, in a loving way.
Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 2:10 PM on Thursday, February 6th, 2014
lemony.2008,
Amen. Its about protecting yourself and is an act of selflove.
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lemony.2008 ( member #20125) posted at 6:37 AM on Friday, February 7th, 2014
And my MC agreed with me today to stay detached from my wh! Ha!
Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 2:15 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Abbondad ( member #37898) posted at 11:35 PM on Monday, March 10th, 2014
Hello,
Five months after my last response to this thread (October 12, 2013), I can just reiterate to those struggling: I had a nightmare of a time detaching. But I am, slowly but surely. And I was totally emotionally enmeshed for a long, long time.
Again:
Time. It does wonders. Those hands on the clock move excruciatingly slow, but they do move.
Your spouse/X/STBX being a consistently horrible, evil person. Let them show you who they are, over and over again. Your survival instinct will kick in and tell you: run. Your emotions will catch up.
The magic words, of course: No Contact.
Hang in there, everyone. If I can detach, so will you.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 12:38 AM on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 2:14 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
BAMAC ( member #39334) posted at 2:40 PM on Friday, April 4th, 2014
Thanks, lhap?. I needed to read this.
DDays - 1/26/2013 | 3/23/14
Divorced 7/10/2014
thisissogross ( member #30294) posted at 6:26 AM on Sunday, April 6th, 2014
i edit frequently because i have to
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, May 1st, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:42 PM on Friday, May 30th, 2014
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
limbohurts ( member #43818) posted at 10:10 PM on Sunday, July 13th, 2014
It has been three months since Dday and separation and I am not even beginning to detach. I want to so badly, but it's like I have no control and I continue to self-harm by staying in contact with WH. Why can't I do this? I literally feel like I am cutting myself every time I see him. Just the little bit of contact with him makes me feel better and then worse. What is holding me back from detaching? I am so afraid to be alone and so afraid to lose the life WE have built over the past 20+ years. I know that I need to let go, but my heart and emotions just keep holding me back. The pain is unbearable and I feel no better in 3 months.
Me BW
Him WH LTA
Married 18 years
2 kids
Dday March 2014
Divorced!!
deceivedguy ( member #44049) posted at 11:04 PM on Sunday, July 13th, 2014
It's been six weeks since DDay, and I'm on week one of 180 detachment. I'm having a tough time, but sticking with it.
Your post has been great food for thought. I'm really looking forward to discussion and suggestions regarding detachment.
I find that one minute I feel empowered, and the next, I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety and/or depression.
Thanks for this thread! And thanks to those who bumped it!
[This message edited by deceivedguy at 5:06 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]
Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.
AmSoDone ( member #43871) posted at 11:11 PM on Sunday, July 13th, 2014
It's been 4 weeks since dday and 1 week since NC. Thanks for this thread. I really needed to read this today. I am really struggling with detachment and this has really made me want to look at my co-dependency.
BP(me) 53
WP (scumbag) 55
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.
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