SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

See. This is why I have absolutely NO desire to ever date again. Ever.

EasyDoesIt, I agree - dating should be fun for anyone who chooses to engage in it, not stressful. Some of these stories are enough to turn anyone off!

Edit: my wording was insensitive and read very poorly. Edited to better express myself.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 9:18 AM, February 24th (Sunday)]

Well, I'm laughing but still thinking that I'm not going back to OLD!

I've deactivated my profile, but reading this thread has kind of made me want to activate it again.

Even though I didn't meet anyone I wanted to have a relationship with, I did have a lot of fun and interesting experiences.

@Amazonia....I rarely get offended by anyone or anything. But, in all honesty, I think your post was rather rude. I can laugh at the things others are posting, and have chuckled over quite a few of the incidents. I'm very much at peace with my life right now and a large part of that is because I know that I am a bad picker and so have chosen to eliminate myself from the dating pool. I have a lot of fun with friends and family, with clients and their animals, and with studying and working on my formal education. I was married to a vicious and psychotic individual. Part of my healing is recognizing that I grew up in a family with a very sick sense of normal. I have no desire to re-make the mistakes of my past. I personally choose to not date and invite more grief into my life. You might consider that everyone is in a different place in their healing...and that people have to heal at their own pace. I do not appreciate the veiled insult. We're supposed to be here to help and encourage each other, and this is supposed to be a safe place. We're not supposed to be insulting other posters. Good luck to you in your healing and dating adventures. My life is very full without adding a member of the opposite sex to it. And I feel no loss or absence. And, trust me, I have one hell of a sense of humor.

I'm sorry EDI I really didn't mean it as an insult. IME these are only a portion of the dating experiences most people have (the other portion the good stuff!) and I was just thinking that before I was ready to date, this kind of stuff horrified me, whereas now I laugh it off and move on.

I really didn't mean to imply you didn't have a sense of humor, that your life wasn't full, that you choosing not to date means you aren't healing, or otherwise insult you!

I don't think there's anything wrong with not dating, or you. In fact, it sounds like you're being very wise not to date, with your circumstances and motivations. Please accept my apologies for the way my comment came across to you - and be assured that the way it was read was definitely not the way it was meant!

ETA: I think being healed before dating is good, but I don't think the inverse is necessary - it's not like anybody hits a point where they are X-amount healed (however you measure that ) and suddenly the next step is supposed to be dating. There's nothing wrong with not dating, and I would never mean to tell anyone that there is!

[This message edited by Amazonia at 9:44 AM, February 24th (Sunday)]

Thank you for apologizing. I think I'm just being overly sensitive. My dad passed away last night and there are many FOO issues, too numerous to name, but I'm not in a good place today. Not at all. I'm sorry I took offense. Just a bad day and no desire to suffer any more loss in my life. I'm doing great overall. I spend most of my evenings either studying or with my best friend and her husband, or with her mom, or other friends. Sometimes my son comes down to visit and there is always Skype with my daughter and granddaughter in Hawaii. I realized that I never had a true marriage and companionship, oneness...and I really just can't go there again. It isn't so much that I'm afraid of getting hurt. It's just that I know I'll never trust again and I'm OK with that. I know that my FOO is too screwed up for me to be a good picker. I equate it to learning to live without a limb you thought you needed. Yeah, the limb is gone, but those ParaOlympians kick ass. Hugs.

[This message edited by EasyDoesIt at 10:42 AM, February 24th (Sunday)]

I met a guy who happened to have some friends in common with me. We actually met at an outdoor concert. Nice guy, we hit it off. dated for a couple of weeks when he asked to escort me to a charity event we both were attending. His house was between the venue and me. So I agreed to drive to his house and we would go from there to the event. While there I was given the tour of his home.. very nice. It was a two story home which is kind of scarce in florida. Going up the stairs I was met by a wall of bookcases. Behind one of the bookcases was a hidden door. He couldn't wait to show me his 'safe' room. The room looked like the red room of pain from 50 Shades of Grey!

The first words out of my mouth "I am not into pain." He did not skip a beat with his answer.."You don't have to receive, you can give."

We went to the event... with me quizzing him asking which of our mutual friends know of his 'safe' room. I wanted to avoid them setting me up in the future.

We joke he was ahead of his time.. This was almost 10 years ago. Now he is very sought after for his room.

Still not my cup of tea.

EDI, I'm sorry about your father!

Kajem, did many of your friends know? That's a pretty big revelation on a first date!

Ama, it wasn't the first date.. more like 6 or 7th.

One couple is very into that sort of thing... which did NOT surprise me. One or 2 others know about the room, but he didn't know if they indulged or not.

I'm not reading well today.

I started to type that I can't imagine talking to friends about my sex life, but then I realized...I totally do talk to my girls about everything.

He didn't need to say anything... just open the door and the subject just sort of came up. Thinking about it... he didn't even need a line. just a key LOL.

Is it too soon to bump this? I think we could all use a good laugh (or at least...I could )

Is it too soon to bump this? I think we could all use a good laugh (or at least...I could )

Great! I love this thread.

Sorry if this is a duplicate....I don't think I shared this above.

OLD guy: Would you send me your undies if I asked?

Me: Do people really do that???

OLD guy: Yes, last OLD girl sent me two pairs after she pleasured herself in them first.

Me: Sorry - no.

OLD guy: I don't mean today. I mean if we get into a relationship.

(Nothing screams 'please date me, I am a gem' like asking for my undies in the first email)

this one is more on me than on the guy...

At his suggestion I met an OLD guy at a wine tasting. A wine tasting in a grocery store. Granted it was the liquor department of the grocery store and he said the wine club he was in was sponsoring it, but it was still in a florescent lit, white tiled grocery store. We stood in the aisles of the liquor department drinking wine for ah hour. I wasn't that attracted to his picture on line, but decided since he wrote well that I was being too choosy. I wasn't.

We began talking with another couple at the "wine tasting", my date didn't know them but they were very interesting so I invited them to go along with us to dinner! I didn't want to be alone with this guy, didn't know of a way to get out of the dinner part of the date and thought at least this way it might be less "date like". I really enjoyed meeting the other couple! I let them in on what was happening while my date was in the BR and they were very understanding and nice.

Poor man didn't get the hint...and I had to say "I don't think we are a match" when he asked for a second "date" as he walked me to my car. ugh.

[This message edited by better4me at 9:39 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

One guy I knew from YEARS before asked me out and while we were sipping drinks he took my hand - and squeezed the flesh between my thumb and forefinger REAL HARD. When I yelped in pain, yanked my hand away, and asked him why in the world he did that he said, "Aw, that didn't hurt."

WTF????

Why would anyone do that, ever?? I mean, you're already questioning your judgment and then something like that happens?

Needless to say, NC after that! (Although I still have no explanation for it.)

I have only had 2 OLD dates. The first was great -- he was a really nice guy, cute enough, smart, made good money -- but in a totally different life stage and 10 years younger (which I knew but figured hey, we had a good convo, let's see how it feels in person -- yeah I spent the whole date thinking "oh honey, who can I set you up with from my younger friends?".)

Anyway, date #2 -- he was in a similar timeline from S/D than me, worked in an intriguing-to-me field, seemed nice enough. We met at a local bookstore that has a food court kind of thing as a spontaneous while-we-were-chatting idea. He was painfully nervous and spent the entire time talking about his ex once he learned that I am in school to be a psychologist. I truly felt like it was a therapy session. We parted after maybe 2 hours and he sent me a text by the time I got home saying he thought I was beautiful. Ok. Next morning at 7 am, my phone starts going off. By 8:30 he had sent I thik 5 messages, all saying how he felt like we had a special connection, begging me to see him again that day, etc. I finally gave up on sleeping and sent him a message via OKC that I was not feeling it and that perhaps he should think about whether he was really ready to date given what he had said last night and the intensity with which he was responding to a 2 hour conversation. He continued ALL DAY to send me increasingly detailed messages full of personal information. I ignored and spent the day with my kids and then finally that evening wrote him back and told him to knock it off. Creepy!!

A few days later I closed my OKC account because I went exclusive with the guy I am seeing now. I wonder what he thought of that!

[This message edited by peacelovetea at 8:42 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]

Without wanting or trying to get into the specific issue I'm going to have to mention in order to tell this story, I will say that one of the strangest dates I ever had was with man who obviously had either no problem being blunt or didn't have much of a filter. My son is grown now, but I raised him as a single mother, from birth because the father didn't want to deal with it (and, admittedly, we weren't married).

I had a date with this man when my son was about five years old. He seemed very nice, and we appeared to have a lot in common. But then he flat-out asked me, and I quote, "so, why did you have your son? Why didn't you just have an abortion? It seems to me that that would have been the best thing to do and I'm not sure I understand why you didn't have an abortion. Don't you think that would have been the best thing to do, for both you and your son?" EXACT quote.

I sat there stunned for a few minutes, then I asked him quietly if he were actually serious and not just displaying a sick sense of humor. He was surprised and said he was very serious, and why would I think otherwise? I grabbed my purse, stood up, said goodbye and for him not to call or contact me again, and left the restaurant. We hadn't ordered yet, so there was no bill to worry about.

Fortunately, I never heard from him again, but I've never, ever forgotten that. When I told my now-husband about it, he must have shook his head for about five minutes.