SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

About two years ago, as I was going thorugh my endless divorce, I was out with some friends at a jazz club when a man at a nearby table made some moves on me.

He was much heavier than what I'm used to, but my girlfriends said "You should just go out and have a drink with him. You need to get out of the house." He claimed that he was separated......technically, I was too at that point, although we were just waiting on the judge, so I figured why not.....

Long story short...we had an early dinner followed by a movie, nothing spectacular. After the movie, I asked what had happened with his wife.He started saying that she had ballooned to over 200 lbs., which was interesting because he was easily over 200 pounds himself, and probably around 5'9".

He also said that while they weren't going to get a divorce because of "insurance", they both lived in separate towns, but he was at her house whenever she needed him to be.

He then told me that he had used prostitutes as he had always been curious as to what it would be like to sleep with a really beautiful prostitute. I asked how much they cost (because I was absolutely stunned at this revelation), and he told me they were $900 per time.

Needless to say, that was our only date.

I wish I didn't have so many of these to share...but here are a couple of recent ones!

1. I went out on a first date with a guy from match. Not only did he talk about himself non-stop for 2 hours, without asking me a single question, he spent a good portion of that time talking about how to artificially inseminate a horse. In great detail. I now know what an AV is and why you shouldn't push the straw in too far. (don't even ask!!!) It was so awkward, I didn't even know what to say. So I said something along the lines of, "wow, you must really know a lot about animal reproduction"..to which he replied with a wink, "Yeah, I learned a few tricks over the years". NEXT!

2. There was the guy who asked me if he could fly me to an island for our first date. I politely declined since I didn't know him at all or anything about his flying skills. So his back-up plan was to take me to a shooting range so he could teach me how to shoot. We didn't ever go on a first date.

3. Then there was the guy who I had a first date with that went OK. He was nice, but really hyperactive. He admitted on the date that he had ADD. During dinner we were at a very crowded restaurant with bench-style seating. I had to sit in the middle of two benches and about 3-inches away from the family eating next to us. So he decided to ask me (very loudly!!).."hey, is your crack on the crack?". He was the only one laughing! He then texted me the following day and said that he had an early work meeting the next day and would be in my area. So he wanted to know if he could come over and sleep at my place so he wouldn't have to get up early in the morning in drive. Um....Hell no!!!

Maybe one of these days I'll meet a keeper but as for now, I could write a book of dates gone wrong or just not so right....

I now know what an AV is and why you shouldn't push the straw in too far. (don't even ask!!!)

Back in my uni days of sharing a house, one of the other student's brother came to visit one weekend.

I know I'm going to sound cruel but he is best described as an incredibly overweight 30 year old with no actual experience with women whatsoever.

Everyone else had gone to bed and we were chatting. He said he was glad to get to speak to me alone becuase

I don't have much success with women because the ones I usually try and pull are completely out of my league so I thought I would try with you

I can see why he doesn't usually have much success. I politely declined and tried very hard not to burst out laughing

I don't have much success with women because the ones I usually try and pull are completely out of my league so I thought I would try with you

Charming.

Ok. I dated a guy for a couple of months, and I thought things were going well. He was nice, thoughtful, took me to nice places, started talking tentatively about a future together, then I get a phone call from him that his dad is dying in the hospital. So I don't see him for a while, although he keeps calling me to let me know how his dad is doing. He did stop by work once and we got together for supper, all the while he is telling me all his family dynamics, how his sister is upset with him and jealous and wants the dad's money.....THEN I get a phone call from him that he is going out of state because his dad died and the funeral is in TN and there are lots of cousins, he is all upset and crying, I am worried about him, he calls me from TN, tells me he is helping his cousin with a roofing job and almost fell off the roof because he is so upset over everything.

Then I don't hear from him for a whole week. I'm worried and leave two or three messages on his phone just asking him to check in so I know he is okay.

I get a call from his ex girlfriend. He went back to her. His dad was never even sick. He made the ENTIRE thing up while he was trying to decide whether to move forward with us or to go back to her. We had a nice chat for an hour to ferret out all the lies he had told both of us.

I just have to say... every time someone bumps this and I get an email alert that it's got new posts (I started this thread, but I don't claim responsibility for it ), my sick twisted little heart gets all happy. Because I freaking love these stories.

Keep. them. coming.

Keep. them. coming.

You asked for it.

I have a guy that has been trying to get me to go out with him for 2 years at work. He is NOT getting the hints (and the not so subtle "I am not dating you" phrases). When he first started hitting on me, and I started getting sick of it, I told him he would not want to date me because I have a psycho for an ex and I have a P.O. against him and he is dangerous. "Hitman" tells me that he has killed a man once (trying to let me know he is up for the job if I choose to go out with him.)

Of course, it was self defense, (whatever) he did not go to jail for it...blahblahblah, but after he told me it split the guy in two, I had a male friend tell him to STF away from me.

Went on a first date with a guy and he spent the whole time whining about how his ex screwed him over and did a number on him. I felt like his counselor.

Then there is the clinger. Who it started out really well, he was treating me wonderfully, but started getting incredibly possessive after 2 months. Started complaining if I went out with my friends (saying things like, "well, I guess I am too boring for you" and "I can come along, and I will just hang out in the back of the bar and you won't even notice I'm there until it is time to take you home." Ick.

One more! (for now). Dated a guy for about 2 months (seems to be my limit for most of them). He also was very nice, treated me really well. Very very cute! However; he seemed to think he was Billy Idol because every time I went over I had to listen to him howl and play his electric guitar, and it was always Billy Idol (I still can't listen to Billy Idol--I think that traumatized me for life). Then, he started telling me how he wanted me to paint my fingernails, get my hair cut, and how to run my business and who to have as friends. All in one week. NEXT!!!!

Can I comment some more? I promise nothing else is as horrifying as my last post here..

I went out to a bar/restaurant with several friends one night. Surprisingly (to me) a guy at the bar started talking to me. We had a great time, all of us chatting and laughing. He asked for my phone number - I gave it to him. We chatted on the phone for a couple of weeks, and made plans for dinner. He told me he had a roommate, and lived not too far from me. He had given me a cell number, but also gave me the house number, because his service was spotty. Well, something came up the day before our date (my mom wanted to surprise my brother before his birthday). I called the house phone because his voice mail was full) and left a message.

Half an hour later I got a call from his roommate. A woman. An IRATE woman. Who wanted to know just who the f*** I was and what was going on? Oh, the conversation we had.... Not only was she his girlfriend, but apparently, he had a wife as well in Massachusetts!!!! She was quite interested to learn that she was his "roommate". We were trading his stories back and forth when he came home...her last words to me were, "Oh, lookit now he's come home. We have a few things to discuss.." I wished her luck, and never heard from him again.

Most w.t.f. moment--

The date was pleasant. The woman was a talker and a few questions would keep the conversation going with little verbal expense on my part. Eventually she asked about my littles. I seriously addressed their importance, their priority status, and how fatherhood was the greatest thing ever.

Her next statement, "I never wanted kids, but my ex did so now I have my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love her and everything. It just wasn't what I wanted."

Perhaps she wasn't interested and was trying to run me off. Sorta worked.

I like to visit- exchange of sentences, ideas, commonalities and differences- but oddly, most of the first dates have been filled with a steady story stream from the woman, almost a manic need to address being nervous with words or something. When it is over I am often struck with the t.m.i. nature of the whole ordeal.

On the third date with one woman- I disclosed the nature of my D. Shock! Horror! "She had no idea what she lost!"

Then she commenced to tell me about the two year affair she had behind her husband's back with the "love of her life" who is still married to his wife so... not meant to be and how her ex never found out and never will but he did act weird during the affair.

The last date I went on was with persistent young married woman who kept texting and emailing me after we co-chaperoned a week long school trip. Gentle nos weren't working so I accepted a coffee "date." When I got there, I gave her a note card with a list: read not just friends by glass, a list of phone numbers for IC, her three daughter's names, her husband's name, the definition of NC, the definition of Schmoopy infatuation, a reminder I am fourteen years older than her, a list of the horrible things I called my ex when I found out, and a list of the horrible things I called my ex's op with a caveat that I was not that guy.

I think dating is done for me. It isn't fun. It is stress. Maybe after my littles are grown- twelve years. I can wait twelve years.

I met a woman on OKC. We talked for a bit there and everything seemed ok so we exchanged numbers.

We talked and texted on the phone; things were going really well. One night, she told me she was going to head to the movies and wanted to know if I would join her. It was our first date, dont really care for movies on first dates but sure.

We get to the movies an hour early so we can talk. We had been IMing and texting for two weeks now. So it was a surprise to me that she was living with a man who was her ex-boyfriend that she broke up with a month ago. A further surprise that she had been married before and that the ex-husband was still involved in her life. When I mean involved, I mean they would go on dates, vacations, you name it.

I did not want to be impolite; I stayed through the movie and she grabbed my arm and snuggled with me while we watched. Very uncomfortable to say the least. After the movie I find out she is polyamorous and thats what broke up her marriage and she didnt think it was a big deal.

I dropped her off, shook her hand and said goodnight. She thought I was being a gentleman but I just wanted out of there. The worst part did not come till after I left and I hit the diner for a cup of coffee.

She texted me saying that she had a wonderful night, that her shirt smelled like me and she was not going to take it off.

That was a way wtf moment!

I had a guy contact me on a dating site because he prefers "bigger women" (wow, really? Ooh, pick me!) and wondered if I'd be interested in an "ANR" relationship. Don't google if you are weak of stomach.

and wondered if I'd be interested in an "ANR" relationship. Don't google if you are weak of stomach.

I googled.

I just shared this a few weeks ago....

I threw up a profile on Match, just to see what was out there....what OLD might be like.

My first response/message was from my gynecologist!

Not sure he knew I was a patient, but I had just seen him a few months before.

Freaked. Me. Out.

I don't think I want to date anyone, ever.

This is a minor one, but I met a guy for drinks recently who kept sticking his fingers in his mouth to pick food out of his teeth. We were sharing finger food appetizers with our drinks.

I have you all beat....

HE brought HIS MOM on OUR FIRST DATE....I should say OUR ONLY MEETING...cause there was no DATE...nor further MEETING...

It probably wouldn't have been a bad deal if he were 13....but at 46....

W-T-F??????

... wondered if I'd be interested in an "ANR" relationship. Don't google if you are weak of stomach.

I Googled too. Oh, I how I wish I hadn't.

Y'all crack me up and scare the hell out of me. And this is why I'm afraid to date.

How have I missed this thread??? It's awesome

The one that sticks out in my mind is the guy I met thru POF about a year ago. We'd been talking for a couple of weeks - he had two girls - 6 & 9. We plan to meet at a local shopping area with lots of restaurants and outdoor areas - he picks the playscape area. I walk up and it takes me about 10 seconds to realize his girls are playing on the playscape. He brought his daughters to meet a stranger. AYFKM?

They were running up, sitting next to him, staring at me, it was all very weird and awkward, to say the least. I managed to escape fairly quickly.

That was our first and last date.

My first response/message was from my gynecologist!

Oh, my.

My craziest date ever; I posted a bit about it here when it happened, but I don't think I posted this story about it. It felt like I was on a really weird drug trip. He's the only guy I met OLD that I've wanted to stay friends with. We are FB friends, and I went to see his poetry reading. But there could never be anything romantic between us. His parents are extremely wealthy, which plays into the story a bit later.

On our date, we somehow got on the topic of being homeless. He told me that he'd been homeless for awhile in the past, as he'd wanted to get closer to his spiritual side, and he felt he couldn't do that in a home. He usually lived under a bridge, but sometimes he'd find an abandoned house in the ghetto.

So I said, "Homeless? Here? In <really cold city>?" He nodded his head. I told him that if I were choosing to be homeless for spiritual reasons, I'd go someplace with better weather, such as San Diego. He replied, "Well I really wasn't homeless for that long."

I asked him how long. He looked down, rather embarrassed, and replied, "Eight years." (This makes me laugh every single time.) EIGHT YEARS!

So I asked him why he decided to no longer be homeless and he told me that he'd borrowed his parents' car and got a DUI. He got put on house arrest and said, "you may be shocked to hear this, but you can't be on house arrest if you live under a bridge!" I told him that I was not shocked to hear this. After living back in his parents' house for awhile, he realized that it was much more pleasant to live inside one than under a bridge. So his parents bought him a luxury condo. Probably because they were ecstatic that he was living indoors again!

Oh my. I have so many other stories from my experience with him. He is a very gentle soul and I'm glad to know him, but the entire date made me feel like Alice in Wonderland. I'm thinking about writing a book :)

She texted me saying that she had a wonderful night, that her shirt smelled like me and she was not going to take it off.

Wonder if she's still wearing it??

I met a guy online who wanted to know if I had cankles. I kid you not! I replied, "No, not yet!" Weirdo.