SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My friend has been hounding me to go to OLD because she's met some really good guys.

So, I'm browsing and I read a profile from a pretty normal looking guy. In his description, however, it says he want's to spank a womans ass,,, and a bunch of other stuff.

UGH.

I'm not ready for this yet. Soon, but not yet-- not the spanking but the dating!!!!

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:06 PM, August 21st (Thursday)]

So, I'm back on OLD because I was curious if there was an expat scene (newsflash: there is not. womp womp.), and this guy from a neighboring country messages me. We shoot back and forth about 2 dozen messages, when all of a sudden he sends,

"Hello! You're cute, I like your profile. How are you doing today?"

My response?

"Well that's awkward."

That's a pretty good one. Oy vey!

A guy I dated briefly a while back (through mutual friends) sent me a 'HI NORA,' message when my account was active last month. At least...I think it was him. I didn't want to open his profile and have him see that I viewed it!!

A guy who messaged me and who I ignored the last time I was single later turned up working at my new job that I started soon after ignoring his message. We never acknowledged it but he told mutual friends/coworkers that I thought he was weird. Which was true.

I can't handle the IRL/OLD overlap!

He responded:

"What? why?"

then two minutes later:

"Oh, I see now. I'm sorry. Best of luck."

Hope this won't get tooo epic, but- met online, lots of same interests, asks me out after we talk for a few times. Going to go shoot pool. I like to shoot pool, so cool. Turns out he looked like his pic, just was shorter than he said, and nice. Until he told me I could only have 1 beer then I had to have coke. Hmm. Then asks if there is a pool hall nearby, and we go there. And play pool for six straight hours. Nonstop. Good God. Finally get home and can't sleep due to having ingested 5 cokes. He calls next day, and I thought maybe I'd give him a second chance, so decided to have him come by for Chinese and a movie so we could talk more. He's never had Chinese, and after a few minutes, his face starts swelling. I don't have benadryl, so I drive to Walgreen's. It's starting to snow now, and the movie is playing and there's a fire in the fireplace...then he says his throat feels funny. Red flag! So I say you need to go to the hospital now, and then he says he doesn't think he can drive himself. So I drive him in near-blizzard the twenty minutes to the hospital, then can't get cell reception in the hospital, and when I finaly do, DD is hysterical! Has come home to a strange car in the driveway, movie still playing, fire still burning, thinks I am dead...I calm her down, then he gets released and of course, can't drive due to the drugs, so I let him sleep in my room and I sleep on pull-out in my office because I don't want him upstairs in guest room next to DD. In the morning, I wake him to get him gone, and he comes out half naked and asks if I am going to join him...holy shit! Can it get worse? Yes. He has enough body hair to be a silverback gorilla. Notices me staring and tells me his daughter (!) normally waxes it for him. Could not get rid of him fast enough. Then he starts texting me about being fuck buddies, then when I tell him no, he starts all kinds of psycho messages. Eww. Just Ewwwwww.

He has enough body hair to be a silverback gorilla.

He has enough body hair to be a silverback gorilla.

I'm not a huge fan of gorilla (silverback or otherwise) but some guys do carry hirsute well. I'm more disturbed by his DD waxing it - why not beautician to wax the bits that shouldn't have hair and just trim the rest a bit? Tom Selleck rocks it and others can too.

I've been with the fully waxed/shaved guys and it grosses me out. It feels like I should be wrestling them in baby oil and not in the good way....

I also love Tom Selleck, and think he's awesome, but I'm not talking chest hair here. It was "no skin in sight on back/shoulders" hairy. And yeah, the daughter factor was ick.

2nd date, nice guy. Easy to talk to, laugh a lot. Kept telling me I think to much. Red Flag. Wants me to stop analyzing. We are at a bar, I only have two beers. He makes a move. I say little too much buddy. He pays tab. I think ok, lets go somewhere not so loud right. Apparently in his mind that was, drum roll please.....

A Motel 6.

All I said was "take me back to my car, NOW." He responded "not classy enough, do you know a different one nearby?".

Errrrr.

I was thinking that maybe I should date... now I'm reconsidering.

He responded "not classy enough, do you know a different one nearby?"

OMG....

2nd date, nice guy. Easy to talk to, laugh a lot. Kept telling me I think to much. Red Flag. Wants me to stop analyzing. We are at a bar, I only have two beers. He makes a move. I say little too much buddy. He pays tab. I think ok, lets go somewhere not so loud right. Apparently in his mind that was, drum roll please.....

A Motel 6.

All I said was "take me back to my car, NOW." He responded "not classy enough, do you know a different one nearby?".

Errrrr.

Oh yes, well written, interesting and quirky. That's the kind of post that keeps me coming back.

He responded "not classy enough, do you know a different one nearby?"

Ewwwwwwwwwwww

"A classier guy? Yeah I do, actually."

I appear not to have posted this one in this thread, though I think I posted about it somewhere else.

Went out with a guy a few months back.

He was in school to be a pastry chef and hinted around about my helping to fund his dream of opening up a penis cake bakery.

He also yelled at me on the street corner and left a mean text when I said I didn't want to see him again.

My WTF moment wasn't recent, but happened when I was a teenager. I was in High School but I was in a dual enrollment class at the local college. One guy in my class asked me out. I initially said no because he was a couple years older than me, but then he put a guilt trip on me because he had a slight disability and tried to say that was the reason I wasn't going out with him. I guess that worked before for him in the past and it worked on my 17 year old self.

We were supposed to see some nice PG movie, but he said he got the times wrong so we are going to see another movie at the drive-in called Flesh Gordon. OMG...there was something called a penisaurus terrorizing the characters in the film and I got more and more uncomfortable. He leans in to kiss me and I said no. He then says, "You are 17 right?" I told him yes. He asked me if I was a virgin and I said yes. He then starts giving me this psycho-babble that if a woman is 17 and a virgin then there must be something mentally wrong with her. He then told me there is a school psychiatrist on the college campus that might be able to help me with my dysfunctional sexual issues. I told him I was ready to go home. He was pissed, but he drove me home. I have never been so scared in my life.

The next guy I dated (for a very short time) was my age, but it didn't work out. I later discovered that after graduation he was convicted of attempted murder. After spending 18 years in jail he tried to contact me via Facebook. I refused his friend request. He got really persistent and didn't understand why I didn't want to 'friend' him. Could it be he spend 18 years in prison for trying to kill a man? WTF?

If my husband and I divorce I don't think there will be any New Beginnings for me. I obviously have lousy taste in men. Every one has been either a psychopath or a cheating liar.

[This message edited by DMS88 at 9:03 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]

This was a few years ago, when I was dating before the D (and well before I met my now-DH).... (I think I've told this one before in a different thread, but it's been a while.)

I was separated and almost D'd - was just waiting for it to be finalized in the court system. I had said I wouldn't date before I was actually D'd, but I decided to start looking around OLD. A really attractive guy with a very nice profile contacted me.

I was flattered, and since I expected the D to be final any day, I emailed back. He was a lawyer and amateur photographer, and seemed really nice. I was up-front about the D not being final & wanting to wait to actually date until it was.

We emailed a few times, and he seemed great, so when he wanted my number to talk, I went ahead. That's when the red flags started...

- His profile had said he was an age that was only a few years older than I. As we talked, though, and he started mentioning things he'd done in his life, how long before college, length of time getting his law degree, other careers he'd dabbled in, etc., I quickly realized that the timeline wasn't adding up for me. I called him on it. He admitted he had shaved a few (10, IIRC) years from his age. But he wasn't abashed about that at all... and was really impressed (I read it as surprised) that I caught on to the discrepancies that quickly. He said he found that putting his real age meant that the age group in which he was interested did not respond. And he said he figured it was ok, because he looks and acts a lot younger than his age. (He did, somewhat - he had pictures that were at least 10 years old up, and when I met him, he definitely looked older than I expected, but younger than he really was.)

- He wanted to meet for coffee. I told him I didn't want to date until the D was final; he said he just wanted to meet to make sure we clicked in person. So I did. It was more like an interview. He complimented my appearance, but also commented about me needing to lose some weight and that we could work on it together - that he would cook for me (read: put me on a diet and control what I ate). (Yeah, I should have gotten the hint at that point, but I still hadn't admitted that I had been emotionally/mentally abused in my M, and so it wasn't ringing as "off" to me quite yet.)

- More phone conversations, and it started becoming apparent to me that it had been an interview. He wasn't really looking to date and find a relationship; he was shopping for a wife, much as you would shop for a good used car or something.

- At some point, he came clean about something else in his profile. It said he was a widow. When I asked about his wife, he admitted that he had never been married. He said that like the age, admitting that he was over 30 (but really, over 40) and had never been married meant that a lot of women figured something was wrong with him and wouldn't even talk to him. (Hmmm.... maybe they'd be RIGHT?)

- He told me at some point that he had changed his name when he was younger because he had been named after a family member who had abused him. Ok, I can understand that, but we were still at the talking casually stage, and I thought it was a little early for that deep a revelation.

- He told me that he was a reverend. He was. He told me how easy it was to start a church/charity, be a reverend, and get all kinds of tax breaks as a non-profit entity. Nice.

- The final straw: My D got postponed. I had requested to revert to my maiden name in the D. We had the settlement in place, my L said there was no need for me to go to the D hearing... and the judge refused to sign the D because I wasn't there to testify that I wasn't trying to go back to my maiden name to get out of debts or anything. The L said she had NEVER had a judge pull that on her... it was absolutely ridiculous.

Meanwhile, the guy had been getting impatient about the D & us starting a relationship. I told him what had happened - he started berating me, telling me that I was stupid for putting up with that, that my lawyer was incompetent and I should fire her immediately & get a new one (when basically all the work was done & it was just a chauvinist judge being an a$$?!?!), telling me all the things that were wrong with how I was doing things and handling things, and ending the conversation with "Call me when you get D'd!"

Maybe he's still waiting by the phone?

I realized later that I'd definitely jumped in too soon. I ignored way too many red flags, and was just lucky that I stuck to my guns about not really getting involved until the D was final, and that it got postponed a few times. It was that last outburst that made me realize what a controlling jerk he was, and that I'd just been too flattered that someone who seemed very successful and good looking had been interested in me.

It's also what made me start researching anyone I was interested in on-line. I did that after the fact with him, and though he didn't have much of an on-line profile, it was enough to see what a complete a$$ he was.

[This message edited by osxgirl at 10:23 AM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

Mine wasn't exactly a date. A co-worker of mine invited me to come with her to a monthly get together put on by a church for people who were divorced. She said it was a nice way to meet guys. It was held at a local hotel and afterward everyone went to a sports bar off the lobby where there was music and dancing.

After being there only a few minutes I got literally cornered at the bar by a guy. He introduced himself and said he wanted to dance. I declined but he wouldn't leave and wouldn't move so I could get away from the bar. So finally I danced with him to get it over with.

He asked about by divorce and kept insisting on knowing the details. I told him my husband left me for his best friend's wife. He said that sounded like the guy who lived across the street from him. I asked where he lived and sure enough. He lived right across the street from my ex.

He starts to go into an animated story about how my ex got him arrested and he hates my ex and insists we should date just to piss him off. He just kept insisting. So at the first opportunity to escape his attention I grabbed my purse and literally ran to my car and went home.

I had told this guy where I worked. By the time I got to work at 7am I had 7 voice mail messages from him. He said he thought about me all night and couldn't go to work because he was too exhausted. I never answered any of the calls.

I did call my ex to find out about this arrest. My ex was horrified that I met this guy. He said at 12:30 am one night they heard screaming and someone pounding on their door. It was a woman that went on a date with this guy and he took her to his house and tried to sexually assault her and wouldn't let her leave. When she finally got out of the house she ran to the nearest door which was my ex's. My ex called the police and he was arrested. This guy also had a wife and child at one point. She escaped in the middle of the night with their child and fled back to Mexico.

When my co-worker came into work that morning the first thing she did was apologize saying she didn't know. I asked "You didn't know what?" He was a psychotic postal worker on disability and on anti-psychotic drugs. That was the last time I ever went to a singles group thing.

^^^just wow.

Mine isn't a date, but I met up with a college friend for coffee last fall that I hadn't seen in almost 20 years. A few nights later I was on OLD and her profile popped up on one of the matching functions. Apparently my friend is into polyamory and S&M/bondage encounters. Who would have thought. I wondered what part of my profile matched with hers, because none of those interests are mine.

This happened recently. I met a guy who seemed really great. On paper, he had everything I was looking for and he treated me well. No signs of the typical mental illness I encounter, no dick pics, employed, financial stable, etc....We chatted for a couple of weeks and then met. First date was awesome. Nice dinner, nice conversation. Second date was great too. Great movie and then lunch. And then......I get the "I love you" text and "you are the one for me" Oy...I told him to slow his horses down and that there is no way possible he could feel that way yet.

So, even though I'm on the verge of running while screaming down the road, I agree to a third date which occurs one week later. This time we are going to have lunch, do some shopping and watch a movie at his place. It turns out that in that week, he had moved....closer to town, so he could be closer to me. He also bought all new furniture that he thought I'd like. Surprise!!!

I can't handle pressure, nor can I handle crazy. I was done.

Well, we have the Clinger Scale, which has the five stages we're all familiar with discussing. I think that qualifies as Stage Six.

A Stage Six Clinger is rarely seen outside of captivity. I think it's actually on the Endangered Mental States List.

[This message edited by Red Sox Nation at 2:09 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]