SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I had an office appointment with one of our clients yesterday.

"I don't see a wedding ring," says she. "Are you married?"

"That's not an appropriate conversation for this office, Miss".

"Well, I guess you're not married - are you seeing anybody? I just love your accent!"

"Let's just keep to the case, okay?"

<Pout> "I bet you'd go out with me if I wasn't a client of yours...."

"Unlikely, Miss."

<Indignant> "Why not?"

"Because I've seen your criminal record and prostitution and possession of meth are some of my turn-offs. Now, let's get back to your case, okay?"

Forged1

A few weeks ago, *first date* with a cop. We had only chatted briefly on the phone the night before the date...only texted or emailed for a few days before meeting.

Him: I really hope you like chicken wings, my friends can't wait to meet you and we love to go to get a huge bucket of wings!

Me: Well, I'm a vegetarian. (and didn't address that your friends want to meet me??? You've known me 15 minutes...)

little bit later...

Him: So, I was thinking about you at church because the sermon was all about how homosexuality is a sin. (referencing my ex)

Me: Well, I'm agnostic and I don't believe homosexuality is a sin.

Him: Well, what DO you think is a sin? I bet if you would just come to my church you'd really like it!

Me:

Him: Too much?

Me: Too much.

Him: My friends keep telling me I talk too much on first dates.

Well, we have the Clinger Scale, which has the five stages we're all familiar with discussing. I think that qualifies as Stage Six.

Red Sox, I was actually calling him a Class 5 clinger to my friends

What I've found in this strange world where I'm a stranger and that being prepared to be a stranger in a strange world is for anything that is everything...

I'm amazed that I recognize crazy better than I did before but really... I never wanted to have to recognize crazy...

WB

"Because I've seen your criminal record and prostitution and possession of meth are some of my turn-offs."

And cmego. Too much? Oh my gawd - too much!!

I'm almost tempted to do the dating dance of hell just to have some funny stories.

You can come work with me, SBB. You won't have to do any dating and you'll have funny stories alll day every day.

I had a similar request to the one I mentioned yesterday this morning during a jail visit. I indicated that I had no interest, inappropriate etc.

Client wanted to know if it was because they were black/African-American.

I told her that her race had nothing at all to do with it. It was more the fact that she's a bona fide crackwhore.

She told me she could see how that could be a problem.

I told her that her race had nothing at all to do with it. It was more the fact that she's a bona fide crackwhore.

She told me she could see how that could be a problem.

Stop. You are killing me here.

I've been asked out and then asked why I've declined. My "I am not remotely attracted to you" doesn't seem to work so I might try one of your lines.

I told her that her race had nothing at all to do with it. It was more the fact that she's a bona fide crackwhore.

She told me she could see how that could be a problem.

Just remember - I'm a guy.

You should hear or read some of the stuff that gets said or sent to the females in our office.

Annnnnd......another one from this morning's round of jail visits..

Usual thing. Is it because I'm a client/ have a record yadda yadda.

'No. It's because you're, y'know, a dude.'

Oh myyy!!!!!

k9

Forged1, you should write a book.

I agree, Forged, keep them coming...

My first date ever (besides group dates, which was all I was allowed):

I was in high school and a guy asked if I wanted to go to a movie with him. I wasn't really into him, but said okay. He pulled up in front of the house and honked the horn. My mom and I just grinned at each other and she said, "Not starting out well, is it?"

I climb into the passenger side and see that he is dressed in gray sweats and a dirty white Tshirt. Sweet.

We had agreed to see one movie, and he said "No, we're going to the drive in to see XXXXX" I told him I'd already seen it. He didn't respond and went there anyway. As soon as the movie starts, he leans in for the make-out session. I am literally squishing myself against the car door saying, "Oh! Watch this scene! It's really good!" He finally gave up and took me home before the movie ended.

At the end of it, I thought it was funny but my BFF was so mad on my behalf she spread the word around the whole school about what an asshole the guy was. He was "out" of the clique...sometimes I guess there is justice!

Forged1, you should write a book.

I'm actually working on #4. I have lots of material. I'll talk to a publisher at some point, but there's one crime author with whom I correspond who reckons that my stuff's good enough to get published.

I value that person's opinion, mainly because the third season of the TV adaptation of his works has just concluded.

I probably need to change my aftershave. That's the last time I buy something named Skanque.

When I was on Match one of my "connections" was a doctor with 3 kids. He was easy to talk to and his picture was really good. We decide to have our first date at a local restaurant. All is going well until...

Dr: So I connected with you because your profile stated that you are a nanny. How many kids do you nanny for?

Mack: 3 school age kids.

Dr: GREAT!! My wife and I are taking the kids to Hawaii and our nanny quit. Do you want the job?

Mack: Ummm

Dr: Great pay and benefits. When the kids are asleep you get to play with me and my wife.

I literally just stood up and walked out without saying another word. I deleted my Match account as soon as I got home.

More from the jail. Not me - this time it was a female colleague's turn.

'Hey, yo Miss G! You married?'

'Yes. Why do you ask?'

'Oh...well, I was just asking, cuz...yknow...'

'Because you thought if I wasn't married, you might have a shot?'

'Hell, yeah!'

'You do know that you're in here for throwing faeces at the officers when they came to arrest your brother, right?'

'Yeah!'

'Poo-flinging isn't really how I get down, dude....'

My favorite thread of all time! Even before I was headed for divorce, much less dating, much much less OLD.

Two profile pics that made me do a double take this week:

1. Large bulge of chewing tobacco in the cheek.

2. Guy with disheveled hair and wide eyes stepping out of a doorway leading down steps into a room with cinder block walls (think skin suit).

Wow.

Metrosexual: He carried a manpurse, vaped, and wore loafers with no socks. After our 2nd date (which he indicated a third on), he changed his sexual orientation on the site to bisexual and blocked me with no explanation. Truthfully though, this guy is gay gay gay and in deep denial about it, and it is my sincerest hope he is comfortable in his own skin one day.

The Professor: Great conversation, we took it to texting. We exchanged pleasantries in the morning, by the afternoon when I contacted him to resume, he said he was with his mother and he'd get back to me. Well, he must have been eaten by a bear because he never did.

He who caused me to close my OLD Account - The king of trickle truth:

Oh, you're sober? Good for you/congrats!

Oh, you went through rehab? Good for you!

Oh, you're still in a sober living house? Um, okay. (You really shouldn't be pursuing anything but your sobriety there pal.)

Oh, you need a crapton of money to stay there? Uh.

Oh, you want me to tell you how to market your crowdfunding account and help make it viral? No.

Oh, you are actively dating someone already and I shouldn't have a problem with that because you're not exclusive? EFF YOU.

[This message edited by StoryHour at 11:21 AM, August 13th (Wednesday)]

Trusting my gut here. Stage 4 Clinger Alert.

Just began communicating through Match with this guy. He sent two generic "how are you. Nice profile" type inquiries over a couple of days which I ignored because he really wasn't my "type" in appearance and in background. He then sent a nicer, longer note and last night I responded jokingly telling him his persistence paid off. Stupid me He immediately wanted to talk on the phone and or IM and I responded that I wasn't comfortable with IM this early in the game, but would talk on the phone. Again, stupid me We set up a time to talk tonight. 10 emails later from him in 12 hours time including two "good morning, I'm looking forward to talking with you tonight", and "thinking about you" this morning. I've now blocked him on Match and sent a "if you contact me I will consider it harassment" text.

Hoping he doesn't already have enough info to stalk me. Cripes!!!

The guy was already telling me that although he didn't have a cell phone he would get one in order to talk with me. "I do not have a cell phone (I know last of the hold outs lol) but I will say this B4me, I will get one if this all works out. Because like I said in my profile communication is very big in a relationship and you will need to get ahold of me in times of trouble or anything for that matter". And that since he had previously owned an electrical and plumbing business I would save a lot of money by dating him if I ever needed repairs in my home. Oh, and he "really is an honest good man and not like other men who have other motives"...yeh, Buddy, I'm kind of afraid of what your motives might be.

I think he might just be new to all this and not have a clue about on line dating, or else he is an axe murderer. Not taking the chance!