SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I was just directed to this site. I'm not going to have time now tonight to go through everything. But here some of it is. Friday morning I found out my wife is cheating. To what extent yet, I'm not sure. Her and this guy sent 1761 texts in 18 days. At one point they texted for 18 straight hours. They didn't miss one hour for 18 straight hours. Some of this was done with her sitting 3 feet away from me on the couch. But she had 100% trust from me. I never did not trust her. She comes from a good family with good values. She stood right next to me during some very bad days I went through. Now I could never have a female friend. I gave up female friends because I thought she would make a great wife and a better mother. So I gave up all my female friends. Through 6 years she never trusted me. Phone rings, she is asking who, receive a text she is looking over my shoulder. Her looking through my phone and email. I never liked it, but I never had anything to hide. Nothing. Well she says this guy is just a good friend. I have never met this guy. Never knew about him. She has been talking to him for 18 days. Never said a word. After I confronted her, she says they were just friends. She tells me at one point she hoped that me her him and his fiancée could be friends. But in 3 weeks she never once mentioned it. In a Facebook chat he said he wished it was just physical that he wished all he wanted was to just fuck her. But it was more than that. She didn't say at that point she did or didn't want to, but she didn't stop him. That was on 7/31. There 18 hour texting run was on 8/09. I will try to get back to this later. I never looked at the date he said he wanted to fuck her and there big texting day until now. Getting sick. I will be back.

In my time it was ICQ.

Read the healing library. Demand NC and do the 180 if conditions are not met. You need all passwords and accounts.

One of the things I have noticed about people is that they tend to expect everyone else to act the same way they believe the would. If your wife never trusted you, it was because she always suspected that if something came along, she would cheat. You trusted her completely because you you could not imagine yourself cheating. Just one of the little warning signs I picked up on through life, a little to late to be of any good for myself.

Right now you are still in the shock phase of discovery, and the info that you dig up will reveal other things that as you piece them together will shock you some more for a while, some will also make you very angry, but the more information you receive, the better you will be able to understand what happened, and make the decision about which direction you should go.

If you can find out who his fiance is, she also deserves to know about this, and there is a very good chance that the other guy will back off if she knows. Not guaranteed, but the general trend when men are discovered is to throw their AP under the bus and focus on their primary relationship. He will also seem less attractive to your WW if he is scrambling and in a panic to fix things, has to start hiding stuff from his fiance, has limited time to communicate with her, and it always has to go through something secret to keep it from his fiance etc.

It is your turn to decide what you want now, but you don't have to, and probably shouldn't make any irrevocable decisions until after you get through the worst of the stages of grief and can think clearly.

If you are like most people, you are about to learn about what we call the infidelity diet. It is great for rapid weight loss, but murder on your health.

Drink plenty of non alcoholic liquids, and throw in a few sports drinks to keep electrolyte balance, you need those not just for physical reasons, but also to help keep your brain functioning. I liked the blue flavour of gatorade and powerade myself.

The healthiest food for you to buy now is your absolute favorite junk food. Preferably something small and bite sized that you can just grab one of whenever you feel up to eating. You may feel like you are stuffing yourself while still rapidly losing weight. It is not a permanent thing, so in the meantime accept the one small pleasure of eating crap whenever you want it. Potato chips have lots of vitamins and minerals, and the salt will help with electrolyte balance. Chocolate has many wonderful properties, and was issued to soldiers as a health food with a high energy content to allow them to function in extreme environments, and contains a natural anti depressant, dark chocolate is even better. Hard candies are recommended for winter survival kits because you can slowly suck on them and they are almost pure calories. Donuts are just a piece of bread loaded with sugar and fat, almost an ideal food for short term survival. When you are feeling a little better, you might want to consider protein shakes, either the sporting variety, or the meal replacement type for dieting.

Don't hesitate to see a doctor for some anxiety medication (plan on short term use only), or possibly anti depressants. Don't feel ashamed about doing this, it is normal situational depression and anxiety, not a chronic mental health issue. You are supposed to be depressed and anxious over this.

Try to avoid caffeine, you will have enough trouble sleeping already. The exception is if you need it to function for work after getting minimal sleep the night before. Sleep whenever you can, even if it means letting some household stuff slide. This is also normal.

Most of all, know that you are not alone in this. Right now, there are an estimated 8 million Americans going through the same thing. You found us, and we will help you through this. We will answer questions, explain behaviours, help you understand, and help you decide how to proceed based on the information you have, what you want for an outcome, and the knowledge of over 36,000 people who have been through this, and collectively read almost every book, study, serious article, and recovery program in existence.

It will be very tough for a while, and recovery is generally long and not easy, but we will see you through it.

It always seems the ones who are the most suspicious and the most jealous are the ones who are actually the guilty ones. My XWH would do the same thing. Question every phone call, every email, every phone number jotted down on a piece of paper. Like you, I never had anything to hide and naively thought it was rather flattering when he acted jealous like that.

Stupid me. He was actually accusing me of all the things he was really doing!!

Facebook is just the tool they use, but it sure makes it easier for them to cheat, doesn't it? Hang in there, the first days are the hardest days.

I think Facebook is definitely a very dangerous tool that does allow for people to cheat more easily.

My SO's first private contact with the OM was through FB. They were introduced to each other by a mutual friend, arranged to meet up whilst my SO was on holiday in LA, and then she cheated on me after knowing him for a few hours. The PA lasted a week, until my SO came home.

They then kept in contact with each other through Facebook for years...

Iam new to this 2 and have had big problems with my husband and Facebook he is remorceful and Iam hoping we can work through it ..... He has deactivated his account which has made me feel slightly better ..... Will your wife not deactivate hers.I hope everything works out for you.

Dont get me started on FB and marathon texting.

My WW sent 10,000 in March. Over 8,000 a month since. Real mature shit. She is a SAHM but this fuck supposedly has a job. wtf I say...

Dont get me started on FB and marathon texting.

I literally cringe every time I hear her phone go off from a text. And then I start shaking. Even if she tells me who it is and what they said, I still can't snap out of it for a few minutes. I hate cell phones now!!!!!

I hate the text alert as well!

My partner lets me check her phone at any time whenever I feel the need though, so it's not too bad now...

Facebook did not kill your M. Your WW did. Lets not loose sight of the real culprits here. People were cheating long before FB, The PC, Telephone or any other form of communication was ever invented. If a person wants to cheat they will find and use whatever is available to facilitate the affair. But lets not forget when skin hits skin its not any new fangled gadget thats doing the act. Its 2 willing and selfish people engaging in what they know is wrong to do. But they do it anyway.

Facebook does provide an easy avenue for people to cheat though. Yes people found ways to cheat in the past, but it's never been easier...

I'm sorry that you are here. My WW did the same thing as yours.

Aesir has posted on your thread. Please listen to his advice.

Communication makes it easier, from social media to cell phones. But cheaters seem to always find a way.

I read a memoir of a woman who wrote about three generations of betrayed wives in her family. She wrote of her grandmother, whose husband continually wrote letters back and forth to a woman he carried on an emotional affair with until his death even after the physical affair ended because of distance. His last request of his wife was for her to tell his past lover/now pen pal of his passing when he died. Ouch.

I grew up in a small town and cheaters found a way to cheat without Facebook or cell phones. Back then, bridge games and weekend barbecues among neighbors paved the way to easy adultery. John Updike wrote a great deal about adultery in the pre-Internet time,some of the fiction loosely based on people he knew and himself.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 7:25 AM, August 13th (Monday)]

I'm so sorry you are here. Listen to the advice on taking care of yourself because low blood sugar & dehydration only increases the emotional symptions.

Facebook can be such a pathetic thing. I found out that way as well. Easy for the wayward to minimize it & say we're overreacting only adding to the pain & the madness.

Facebook didnt kill your marriage, your WW did. If it werent for facebook it would be the neighbor, a coworker, the milk man etc... its all hte same, She is the one who broke her vows, facebook is the least of your problems. I would get tested for STD's and ask your wife to do the same. I would continue to ask questions and gather information. THis is just the tip of the iceberg. There is no room for three in a marriage. and she invited someone in. Does this man have a wife? if so I would expose thier escapades to her as soon as you can. That kind of texting in not a good thing for her marriage as well. I feel for you, take care of yourself.

aesir is right, try to eat. I loast 10 pounds in the 3 weeks after Dday and I was 6 months pregnant. As a matter of fact, they eventually had to take the baby early due to me not eating enough and she had severe developmental delays that she just finally outgrew at 2 1/2 years old.

It can be pretty extreme. Even now, years later, I have an alarm on my phone that tells me to eat every so often throughout the day.

My XH met the OW on Facebook..... she saw a sucessful older man in a uniform and pounced... we are now divorced, they are married and she and her entire family are living off of him. She was obviously trolling facebook looking for a 40 something man in the midst of a mid life crisis.. She and her family hit the jackpot with him.. he is as dumb as a bag of rocks

Hey SegRat,

Sorry you have to find yourself here.

I could have written your post as my situation was very similar. My WS's affairs all started online and when I confronted her, she used the same "We're just friends" bullshit and the same "I hope the three of us can meet some day!" (OM is a single douche-bag half our age that lives with his parents).

Of course, if you consider fucking and sucking dick "friends", she wasn't lying and still says she didn't lie (i.e. "Hey, people call them 'fuck buddies' which means friends, right?" )

Anyways, get ready to put your boots on, friend. If your wife is truly cheating, everything out of her mouth will likely be either a complete lie, a lie by omission, a lie by redefinition (see above "friend" = "fuck buddy"), or something she will spin back on you as if it's YOUR fault or YOU FORCED IT LOLOLOL!.

I hope it doesn't happen, but buckle-up for the possibly (and probable) bullshit landslide to commence.

Good luck to you!

I totally agree that technology has made it so easy. Fortunately it has probably made it easier to catch a cheater too...maybe. Texts, pix messages.