SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

kchip...

So glad that you were able to get in touch with the BW, and that you are feeling stronger! I think its good that you are almost working together in dealing with this. And with her comment about his employer, you will probably have more peace about your decision regarding the letter - whatever that is.

So sorry you are having to deal with this. We are all here to support you. hugs

In a previous post, you said your WW was being served soon. If you don't want her back, then let him have her and her cheating ways.

I really think letting the WH and WW have each other... with all those trust issues... is a form of payback that can't be found anywhere else but in a relationship built on cheating with another cheater.

I watch my XWH and his AP/FMOW they each have to accompany each other on business trips. Phone calls are demanded, spouses are NOT allowed to go to voicemail. He has to ask how high when she says jump, all of his friends need to be paraded by her for approval before he is allowed to have that friendship. And vice versa.... oh and he can't call his family without her sitting in on the conversation.

She reads ALL his text messages and vice versa.

They go over each other's phone bills..... line by line to see who's phone numbers keep showing up.

It just seems alike an awful lot of work for a relationship that is supposed to be 2 soulmates who found each other serndipitiously.

Tell the BS.

Tell the employer.

Companies need to put some controls in place to control the out of control behavior of the adulterers in the work place. Shine a huge light on the cheaters shitty, dishonest behavior. Teach them that there are consequences to their behavior. If he was using employee phones, computers, and time then he deserves to be fired.

How are you doing today Kchip? I hope that you and your kids are doing well.

I read this thread with great interest about your letter and letting the BS know.

I say kudos on the BS meeting and touche' on the letter! Nip this in the bud, mister!!

Keep up the good work!

I wish i could say I was well. Simple fact is, the good feeling only lasted a day or two.

The other BS and i have decided on NC as she is attempting R with her WH (OM). I was very impressed by her.

Today, my relationship with WW is no better no worse. She was pissed and is still I guess. I know the OM emailed her and we no longer have NC (which i doubted anyway).

We have MC scheduled for Wed. I have attorney appt scheduled for Thursday to sign all ppwk.

I am sick of all this, thinking about throwing in the towel for good this week. I guess if she surprises me in MC - but i doubt it.

My opinion: Mutual confrontation worked well in my situation. It took a lot of work, an expensive P.I. but I took the BH with me to confront my WH and his WW at the same time. It was worth ALL the time and expense to confront in this manner. BUT ... I also knew I was 'done' with the M before the confrontation and her BH had been trying for a long time to get the proof on her (she had other A's before my H) but had not been able to get absolute proof.

I didn't do it for any revenge factor, I just wanted it out in the open and DONE.

It all went well.

Good luck.

((((kchip)))) It's to be expected that there would be a trough after the good feelings wore off.

Pay attention to your self care over the next few days. Remember to watch for actions, not words, as you try to figure out which path to take.

Sending you strength.

I certainly think you did the right thing by informing her (other BW). I also think you should let the employer know, but VERY professionally, state the minimum....I work in Human Resources, the more brief and business like the more impact it will have. I wish I would have taken your approach when I found out my WW was a cheap whore, but I tried to take the high road and while we are making progress I will always regret not doing what you have the option to do.

As for the mutual timing etc. Do be careful with this, collaborating with the OBW may have negative consequences and crosses some barriers.

I told her how none of my 'friends' who had knowledge told me anything. She agreed- she needed and deserved to know the truth.

^^ this is one thing I still can't get over. The betrayal from Everyone.I.Know.

Sucks

I know the OM emailed her and we no longer have NC

Is this since you told the BW?

I appreciate that you are respecting her (BW) NC wishes but do the two of you have any stipulations in place for new info or ongoing contact?