SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

BS, I feel bad about - but its GODS WILL NOW

Really?

I agree with those who have said that your dday was so recent. The rage you are feeling is so fresh. We have all hurt this way.

Please take a breath before you take someone else down with you. To notify her is the right thing to do. To then put her in a financial situation is like a double whammy to her. He deserves it, but does she?

Is your satisfaction in your revenge worth the additional pain on her?

I think it is in YOUR hands. You have the choice to keep her heartache only about her relationship, rather than "piling on".

I'm so sorry that your wife and the OM have chosen to cause you so much grief. I wish you peace, but I'm afraid it might be a while down the road. Good luck on your journey.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 8:18 AM, August 16th (Thursday)]

A general reminder to everyone. Kchip needs our support right now and this arguing over whether what he did was right or wrong is not helping anyone.

You have my complete support Kchip, just please omit all personal opinions from your letter. Sometimes less is more.

I'm very, very sorry that you're going through this. It hurts to the depths of every atom in your being, I know. Do what you need to do to get by. His wife is not your responsibility. Your sanity is your responsibility. The day may come that you regret notifying his boss, but I believe there have to be consequences in order for bad behavior to change. He's obviously a pro at deception. He might wiggle out of it somehow since he's a manipulator. Right now you only need to worry about you.

If my husband had not been remorseful I would have done the same thing. JMO but it seems if the AP is a female and married that most people are behind getting her fired if possible. Yet since this is a MOM most are against it. I am sorry but it is the same thing to me.He has to do what he feels is best for him just as all of us do.

How are you doing kchip? How did the meeting with the other BS go? I didn't have another BS to notify so I have no experience with it but I imagine it was horrible and heart wrenching for both of you.

(((((kchip & other BS)))))

I understand the compassion and concern being shown for the other BS here. It is admirable. And if she ends up here for emotional support I will help welcome her and support her. But you are not responsible for her situation - her WH and your WW are.

For what it's worth, I support your decision to notify his employer. I do agree with the others who have said that you should take out any personal references and stick to the facts with no added emotion. You might want to wait a few days or even a week or two to make sure you still want to send it. But if you don't wait, that's up to you. And really, let's face it, the man is stealing from his company. Why should he be treated any differently than if he walked out of the office with a couple of laptops and a projector under his arm.

Kchip,

Go with the letter- if you haven't sent it yet I agree you should do it soon- and let us know how the meeting with the BS went.

the posom does deserve the consequences of his actions- and the consequences of messing with your family. He is scum. He deserves what happens. I hope something does for you and for the culture we live in that still condones this kind of crap because it encourages the societal rug-sweeping- "none of my business." Yep. Rugsweep until it messes with your family.

As for hurting his BS- she is a non-cheating woman who is blindsided like you were. She has a job. She is more than likely a good mom. She will be fine- probably better off since losing the job will help force that loser excuse for a husband to own his shit.

I followed appropriate channels- my exww posom was fired and run out of the state. Sadly he did not lose his professional credentials and is in private practice in another state. I feel bad for his six kids and betrayed wife because of what his actions did to their lives. I simply turned on the light.

Thinking of you today Kchip hope your feeling better!

(((((kchip)))))

How are you doing today?

"Whatt'sRight"....doesn't the scums BS deserve to know what an ass she is married to. I sure as hell would want to now instead of thinking I was married to a wonderful man. Just my opinion in the matter.

"k" how are you doing today my friend. Did you go through with it? Been thinking of you all night and day.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 4:43 PM, August 16th (Thursday)]

Ticked - WhatsRight agreed that telling the BS was the right thing to do. Any of the disagreement/caution has been the revenge factor of notifying the employer as that, just like an A, would have far reaching affects beyond the OM - namely the innocent BS and kids.

Update

She took it well. I gave her an oversized envelope and said it was a personal matter. She lookes at me and asked " is he seeing your wife".

She wasn't that suprised. I gave her my cell and asked her to call me because it would help me make some decisions. She said she would definitely call and she said it would help her too.

Overall - better than expected

" is he seeing your wife".

Wow.

Are we talking about a serial cheater here?

That's what I'm inferring by the reaction.

I think she probably had a suspicion. We always do.

"Lucky"....thank you for your clarification. I went back to read the post correctly.

It is still my opinion though that "k" should do whatever he thinks is necessary. IMO I would not call it revenge. I would call it justification to a wrong that was done to him.

Let me tell you why I believe this way......in my own case, h had made me out to be a crazy bipolar raving maniac bitch to his whore and her h who was our neighbor. Because of this, when I called the other bs (h's best friend) the very next morning, he had already been warned by my h that ME, the crazy insane wife was going to contact him with a lot of lies about his wife. As the story goes, ow's h jumped on the fatal attraction band wagon with her for 2 years. At one point they turned the table on me and contacted my employer (law enforcement) and told them I was harassing and threatening his wife which was a bunch of bull shit which was eventually proven in the courts.

With that said, I am TOTALLY for any BS to do whatever it takes to knock their own WS and the OP down to the ground. If either one of the cheaters gets fired because of a BS spilling the beans, then so be it. I now regret that I didn't contact ow's h's place of work to tell them that he was using the states computer system to make accusations to my employer.

Again, my take on the matter is to bring them down anyway you can if just to stop the a or anything else that might come up such as what happened to me. I was the victim in many respects that could have been avoided if I had only reported ow or her h to their employer right away. Get my drift here??

Sorry for the (kind of anyway) t/j....I just wanted to make my point as to why I think "k" is doing absolutely the right thing in both respects.

"k"....I hope you find peace in your life with whatever decision you have made. We can banter back and forth but it is ultimately each one of us as a bs to do what we think is right. I am on your side my friend.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 7:32 PM, August 16th (Thursday)]

I think she probably had a suspicion. We always do.

No, not always.

kchip - Where do you stand on the letter to his employer?

kchip,

Sounds like BW had her suspicions or already knew her WH was cheating.

However, I disagree with the following:

I think she probably had a suspicion. We always do.

I have never been so blind-sided in my life than on d-day.

If I were you, I would hold off on sending the letter to OM's employer. I would first speak further with the BW (since she seems open to talk) to determine what kind of fallout that will mean for her and her kids. It could very likely hurt her and her kids more than the OM. If so, you should really rethink sending it.

Also, IF you decide to send the letter, clean it up to state only the facts...with NO judgments, opinions, diagnosis, or anything which could be considered 'slander'. The facts, alone, will paint a very clear picture of things.

I wish you all the best.

She took it well. I gave her an oversized envelope and said it was a personal matter. She lookes at me and asked " is he seeing your wife".

She wasn't that suprised. I gave her my cell and asked her to call me because it would help me make some decisions. She said she would definitely call and she said it would help her too.

Overall - better than expected

Wow. Either she stumbled upon something or he's a serial cheater and she's had BH's approach her before... I'm glad that you let her know though I'm sure it was tough! Much better to know what you're dealing with then wonder what the heck is going on, kwim?

Good for you. Hope she gives you enough info as you need to move forward...

OK

The BW just caller me. She was angry but she knew he was up to something. They just separated 2 months ago. She had no clue and thanked me for coming to see her and bringing the material evidence I had. She wants to meet again and talk more about all this. She also said to zing his employers...but to give her a couple of days to confront him.

I feel a strange peace. I haven't felt this way in a while.

When she thanked me for telling her, I told her how none of my 'friends' who had knowledge told me anything. She agreed- she needed and deserved to know the truth.

Decision to expose is easy for me. Alternative action is I do nothing (easy and less stressful) he gets away with it, and I am partially responsible for the next family he does this to. When I have the opportunity to ensure there are consequences for doing bad to others I will. Not playing God, just trying to protect other possible future victims.

I am so glad she was receptive, kchip.

You did the right thing!