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The BW just caller me. She was angry but she knew he was up to something. They just separated 2 months ago. She had no clue and thanked me for coming to see her and bringing the material evidence I had. She wants to meet again and talk more about all this. She also said to zing his employers...but to give her a couple of days to confront him.

Way to go kchip & BW!

Adults need to be held accountable...especially if they cannot hold themselves accountable.

Good luck on the rest!

That is good news, kchip!

I would still hold off a bit on the letter to employer. After some additional thought, the BW may change her mind about 'zinging his employers'. Just give her a little bit of time to think it all through...to be sure that she/kids don't suffer as a result of the letter.

I guess you could say...it's about having more empathy and care for a fellow BS than hate for the OM.

Also, you may want to direct her to SI. I am sure she could use the emotional support.

[This message edited by GeniusOrAFool at 8:19 PM, August 16th (Thursday)]

I just got off the phone with her (BW) again. She wants me to get him fired. From both his jobs.

Also, she wants to plan something fairly elaborate for her confrontation with him. She wants to make him decide - BW or my WW. She wants me to setup the same confrontation to take place at the same time or nearly same time and make my WW decide on me BH or mOM.

She (BW) also said she has been trying to patch things up with OM too but he has grown colder and more distant. She mentioned he is also narcissistic - just like my WW. They sound perfect huh?

The sad part of all this - BW and mOM have 2 kids, same as me and WW. They are the truly innocent victims.

She was a very intelligent person, speaks well. Seems to know what she wants - R. But she said, she will not be strung along by OM anymore. Sounds like my marriage...

kchip

She wants me to get him fired. From both his jobs.

Maybe she is aware of more affairs that were work related?

I'm not sure that I would want to be involved anymore with OM and his BW especially on the confrontation part. I understand the thinking behind it though.

It seems from what you have told us that your wife has no interest in R and either does the OM with his BS.

Hello kchip;

In my opinion the letter to the other man's employer is a very good idea. He destroyed your life and by breaking NC has showen no respect to you. This guy probably figures it was his right to do so. My experiance with another man was I threw a combat boot at him and dinged him off the head when he was into the short strokes.I threww my other boot at him and nailed him in the side. Now a days that sort of behaviour seems to be unacceptable and with most other men they are a bunch of yellow bellied cowards that will rat you out to the cops,that will get you time in the steelbar hotel. These men today are cowards, entitlement runs deep and self centred. Letting this dirtbag's employer know that he is funding dirtbag's sexual affair is the least you should do, but it is the most leagle. NOTE: If you are not a Doctor you cannot for certain that he is a sex addict, BUT you can have a "reasonable suspician" that he "may" be a sex addict. That's legel. Sen your letter brother, that employed has every right to know he is not getting the work he pays for and is paying expences to fund a sexual affair.

Just my opinion.

Good for you kchip! You may have also gained a very good ally now.

Hello kchip;

In my opinion the letter to the other man's employer is a very good idea. He destroyed your life and by breaking NC has showen no respect to you. This guy probably figures it was his right to do so. My experiance with another man was I threw a combat boot at him and dinged him off the head when he was into the short strokes.I threww my other boot at him and nailed him in the side. Now a days that sort of behaviour seems to be unacceptable and with most other men today they are a bunch of yellow bellied cowards that will rat you out to the cops. That will get you time in the steelbar hotel. These other men today are cowards, entitlement runs deep with them and they are self centred. They also lack honour and integrity. Letting this dirtbag's employer know that he is funding dirtbag's sexual affair is the least you should do, but it is the most legel. NOTE: If you are not a Doctor you cannot for certain that he is a sex addict, BUT you can have a "reasonable suspicion" that he "may" be a sex addict. That's legel. Send your letter brother, that employer has every right to know he is not getting the work he pays for and is paying expences to fund a sexual affair.

Just my opinion.

Hello kchip;

In my opinion the letter to the other man's employer is a very good idea. He destroyed your life and by breaking NC has showen no respect to you. This guy probably figures it was his right to do so. My experiance with another man was I threw a combat boot at him and dinged him off the head when he was into the short strokes.I threw my other boot at him and nailed him in the side. Now a days that sort of behaviour seems to be unacceptable and with most other men today they are a bunch of yellow bellied cowards that will rat you out to the cops. That will get you time in the steelbar hotel. These other men today are cowards, entitlement runs deep with them and they are self centred. They also lack honour and integrity. Letting this dirtbag's employer know that he is funding dirtbag's sexual affair is the least you should do, but it is the most legel. NOTE: If you are not a Doctor you cannot for certain that he is a sex addict, BUT you can have a "reasonable suspicion" that he "may" be a sex addict. That's legel. Send your letter brother, that employer has every right to know he is not getting the work he pays for and is paying expences to fund a sexual affair.

Just my opinion.

Yea, I might be screwed with WW for good now.

But if BW and mOM decide to work it out, that might mean my WW wakes up from the FOG.

The question will be - do I really want her back? I feel the juices flowing back to my balls already.

I can honestly say, this is the best I have felt in 31 days.

I am glad you are feeling better!

Nuclear exposure can be wildly effective. While I don't think I would be a party to the mutual confrontation, the job situation may be the wake up call both of your waywards need.

When she thanked me for telling her, I told her how none of my 'friends' who had knowledge told me anything. She agreed- she needed and deserved to know the truth.

::::::::APPLAUSE::::::

Damn right she does. I wish someone had told me too.

You need to make sure that you aren't doing it "with malice and aforethought." I'm no lawyer, but people sue people for everything these days. Make damn sure you don't put your personal opinions in there AT ALL.

Just the facts, ONLY the facts. That's more than enough.

Edited to add:

Please check your private messages.

[This message edited by EasyDoesIt at 11:30 PM, August 16th (Thursday)]

So glad you told bw. She was probably wondering what was wrong with her husband and trying to fix things. As painful as the truth was I am glad I found out. After I found out their co workers would often say they knew something was going on. I wished so badly that someone would have giving me a heads up even anonymously would have helped. So I am proud that you took the initiative and did the right thing.

I just got off the phone with her (BW) again. She wants me to get him fired. From both his jobs.

At this point, if that's what she truly wants, then let HER do it. You gave her the info and she can decide what she wants, today she is mad as hell, tomorrow she may re-think the financial aspects and do a complete 180. Seriously, stay out of this.

.

Also, she wants to plan something fairly elaborate for her confrontation with him. She wants to make him decide - BW or my WW. She wants me to setup the same confrontation to take place at the same time or nearly same time and make my WW decide on me BH or mOM.

Oh, hell to the no. This is where I'd back off and out if I was you. She fights for her M and you fight for, or end, yours. Stay out of the middle of her M. Your plate is full enough. Seriously don't get involved in the drama of "their" marriage, you have enough to deal with right now, don't get dragged into this.

There are so many pages that I read pages 1 and 5 only. I don't know if anyone suggested this already: When you send the letter, place it in an envelope with the employer's name, and in BIG RED LETTERS write PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL. Then enclose it inside another, larger envelope. This way, the assistant who opens mail will not open and read your letter or push it aside (hopefully).

My advice woyld be to tread lightly. If you want any hope of saving your own M, working out an elaborate plan with the other BS will backfire and give the 2 waywards an experience to bond over.

I think it best if you go NC with both the OM & his BW. You have given her the info and it is now hers to do with as she sees fit. Why does she want you to do her dirty work? Just like an AP is not the WA friend, I dont think its healthy for the BS's to become friends.

Damn. I’ll remove my foot from my mouth now, as this all is turning out better than expected. Good for you kchip! gl.

I think she probably had a suspicion. We always do.

Gently, pbjkiki, this is a generalization and not true for me and for many, many BS's.

kchip, I am glad you were able to expose the affair to the BW and that it went so well.

"Question is do I really want her back".......and that my friend truly is the question at hand. I am not saying you should not try if and ONLY if you want to, but read my thread on General on "What as a BS Would You Have Done Differently." It amazes me how many of us really do wish we had just walked away if only for sometime. And if only just to give ourselves the time we needed to cleanse our own hearts and thoughts of any wrong decisions. Or maybe just walk away all together.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 5:26 PM, August 19th (Sunday)]