SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If I knew what someone's plan was to harm me, I would avoid that person or at least their traps.

Someone who is colluding with you to destroy your integrity? We don't know what their plan is? Of course we do, it's just we're fine with it when we're using wayward thought processes. None of this is hidden. We know when people truly love us they shore us up not help us tear ourselves down.

I posted how I felt about the danger of making this "man" a study rather than our processes that would enable any to compromise ourselves. That was it. It wasn't directed toward your progress as I would have no way to gauge that nor should I.

I have no doubt some got something from it. I'm sure many get things from your posts, FRM. I know I have. Another view isn't a rejection of yours anymore than your view of mine is a rejection. Just different. Good, right?

I posted this for what this forum is here for..information and opinions.

This is what I thought your intent was as well, your opinion seemed to be to expose a predator, whether real or imagined and how horrible they can be. Correct?

My opinion was/is that our thoughts, processes and honesty with ourselves is all that really matters. It is the ONLY key to our success or failure. The boogyman real or imagined has and always will exist, it is what we do that counts. Just MO. Hope this clarify's where I was coming from.

There in lies a huge problem right there as one of the biggest bullshit dumps about affairs are they're "special". There are quite a few affairs that don't resemble this at all, so does that mean their affairs are special?

This is also something I was trying to state, but badly. What this person has written (whether real or not) is the caricature that most people already look out for. It's like trying to protect a child from a child molester by telling them to watch for someone wearing a trench coat and driving a white windowless van. When in fact it's more likely to be their trustworthy football coach who has a wife and kids and invites you over for barbecues. I think the danger is in creating a cartoonish stereotype that lulls you into a false sense of security because ANYONE can spot the office player. ANYONE can spot the dude from True Lies pretending to be a spy. Whether or not you take a chance on those guys is a different story, but they are certainly not camouflaged.

And as others were saying - the most real danger comes from inside your own head. If you give in to True Lies guy, it's not about HIM, clearly, it's about you. To know my enemy, I have to look in my own head. My own boundaries and moral character. It's not like True Lies guy can talk a faithful wife into anal sex. He's talking a cheater into choosing him as the vehicle to act out her self-destruction. If it wasn't the office douche, it would have been the office coffee machine repair man, or her ex boyfriend from highschool who posted something flirty on facebook.

The OW in the scenario painted by the original post was preying on the douche because he was an easy partner to self destruct with. The OW would be using him as much as he used her. Would he delude himself that he was 'winning' something from an otherwise faithful woman? If he believed that, he was as naive as he believed his OW to be.

Also, if you want an inside tip from women's conversations - "Omg I've never let anyone do that before!" should probably not be taken with as much credulity as it often is.

I don't think FRM wrote it from the viewpoint that, if a guy tells you this, OMG, you're automatically an idiot, and that's why you're here. His title was specifically stated from an OM who targets married women. It really wasn't all that different from a post in a different forum about men who target women of a certain age. And it probably isn't that different from people who hunt other social groups datingwise like they are all animals.

There are social predators. They definitely do not come out saying, "This is who I am." They might get some sex that way but more than likely not. For those people who actually crossed the line EA or PA as a literal fuck you, FRM's post isn't literal. It is meant as a behind-the-lines look at what someone's specific actions say about who they are.

*or i could just be wrong... it has happened.. like 3 times... *

[This message edited by veritas at 1:57 AM, September 23rd (Sunday)]

Also, if you want an inside tip from women's conversations - "Omg I've never let anyone do that before!" should probably not be taken with as much credulity as it often is.

Also, if you want an inside tip from women's conversations - "Omg I've never let anyone do that before!" should probably not be taken with as much credulity as it often is.

From all my experience and studies..I find men and women can lie equally about such things.

I figured out what really bothered me about this...it's that it seems like it was written by a woman. So I ran it through the gender predictor on hackerfactor.com. It tested strongly female on formal factors and weak female on informal factors, but noted that "weak female" could simply mean "European." No insult, just English language writing by native speakers of Romance languages tends to be interpreted as female by the algorithm.

This doesn't read like a non-native English speaker to me, though.

I agree, LadyV. This does not seem genuine to me. It's really too "perfect."

Oh, there is so much room to have fun with the direction this thread has gone. I will try to avoid doing so.

True confession, cautionary tale, allegorical fable, written by a man, woman, or European, does it really matter?

I think I got distracted by the general doucheyness of the narrator and missed the really important question, and a point a lot of the FWS's have I think been trying to make.

Fidelity should not depend upon the quality of the opportunities.

I’ve not read every post on this thread, but have to agree it sounds contrived and written from another perspective – an angry AP or the AP’s BS or even someone who is jealous of a Lothario who moves from one MOW to another . It somehow doesn’t ring true. And it’s too longwinded.

This isn’t really a t/j, but there are plenty of webpages to do with affairs and how to have them while keeping your home and family intact. I have copied and kept two articles from the internet. I found them some years ago, Maia posted here about NLP and I found the other by googling, I think.

One was called the art of seduction (NLP – neuro-linguistic programming). It is actually a book, but the rules are there in the preface and you can access them online. It’s not necessarily seduction techniques for sex, it’s to lure anyone in for whatever reason – even going for a job. Anyway, it turned out that WH seems to be a natural manipulator.

Then the other article I have is a list of 25 rules or tips to conduct an affair successfully and without being caught. I’m not going to list the 25 here, but somehow WH knew them and followed all but three. The ones he failed on were falling in love (don’t), making promises he wasn’t going to keep (leave me) and staying over with her, his married mistress, in her home while her BH was away on business.

Both of the above helped me see how WH lured MOW in and then continue for five years in a way to ensure I never found out. I realise I didn’t miss any signals because he was careful enough to not show any.

I find it quite astonishing that people can write this sort of stuff.

goddammit I should not have read this. Haven't thought about hurting OM for quite some time....until now.

Just gotta breathe....

Fuckin douchebag.

FRM warned about this. DTOM, remember OM never promised you anything. FWIW, sounds just like my fWW's OMM. He has a whole office of potential OP he supervises.