SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It does come off as braggish to me. Some people like to disguise bragging with faux self-deprecation or with faux "brave honesty." That way, they can capitalize doubly on it.

I read the "oopsie, I'm so bad" confession and then read it again while changing the genders and imagining an OW saying it. It fit the bill. Then I had fun and rewrote it sarcastically. It was therapeutic. :)

I'm with circe and Hope. It just sounds fake to me- like it was written by a BS trying to describe what it's like to be an OM. It's still a useful piece, and many of the things do describe the OM in my A, but there's just something that feels off about it to me.

I'm going to agree with people who are doubting the validity. The line that I think is a tell is the line about lying about the vasectomy. That just seems like something to provoke BH's. For a guy who allegedly didn't want to get caught by his BW its straight reckless and foolish.

It just sounds fake to me- like it was written by a BS trying to describe what it's like to be an OM.

Exactly. It just doesn't feel right to me. There is an inauthentic vibe throughout his post. The post goes out of its way to hit every nightmare of a BH too. The vasectomy is the biggest red flag though.

I would agree except that it happens a lot and I've known some BH's where this happened (known as paternity fraud). The WW in those cases denied they were unfaithful and in some cases even insisted the paternity test was wrong (because 99% still leaves room for error). The A is a fantasy for the WW so when the reality of a pregnancy comes into it they either rugsweep or go into complete denial. There have been some BH's who posted here where the WW only admitted to knowing it was possible their BH wasn't the biological father after the DNA test proved. It has happened and continues to happen. How often do the AP's engage in unprotected sex out sheer denial of reality? Is it such a leap that the same denial wouldn't carry over to this?

Brandon, I don't doubt paternity fraud happens.

What I doubt is that this specific OM would be needlessly risk that situation. He talks about not wanting to lose his wife. He claims to plan things out in advance and has this well honed strategy, allegedly.

Why risk having a child with the WW? What does he get out of lying about a vasectomy. Nothing except risking being outed to his wife and child support and the significant damage to his life. It struck me as something one would try to say if you were trying to elicit a response from BH's. Because that is the worst case scenario. Your kids are not your own, but rather the OM's. In this case he isn't accidentally risking impregnating the WW, he is basically trying to get her pregnant. I don't know that someone would try to do that in real life. Its one thing to not think about pregnancy. I can believe that. I've experienced that. But he is clearly thinking about that as an possibility. Who realizes pregnancy is a possibility and then goes out of their way to *not* avoid a pregnancy.

The other part of the story I didn't believe was that this OM was untouchable. He ruined some WW's life and she didn't do anything? Its unbelievable. This WW had allegedly lost everything but still protected him? Again, why?

Who realizes pregnancy is a possibility and then goes out of their way to *not* avoid a pregnancy.

Someone who truly does not care.

He talks about not wanting to lose his wife.

Apparently he's not concerned about that enough to not have A's.

For some people an emphatic lie is the same as the truth. He's not getting a vasectomy and in his "strategy" he wants to be as "safe" as possible to the WW so just tell them he's had a vasectomy. It only becomes a problem for him if the WW is willing to out herself to her BH and the whole world in having an OM's child and then she'd have to pursue it in court to force a paternity test. How often does that happen? Some OM's do take perverse pleasure in secretly being the biological father of their WW's child.

He ruined some WW's life and she didn't do anything?

He didn't ruin her life. She did. He was a willing participant for sure. She may hate him, but that's not to say she wasn't still protecting him. It happens. Even if she wasn't she still has to overcome whatever lies he told his own BW. He's already established how well he can do that.

Maybe the article is a composite. I would prefer that were the case, but I've seen too many versions of this type of OM to assume it can't be real. And yes, they were every bit as blatant and arrogant when they felt safe to brag on themselves. The author claimed he wasn't like other guys who would get their WW/AP to do things as if it were a contest, but ultimately it was all about him and his ego as well.

I found this really interesting.

I like to know how people tick.

Who realizes pregnancy is a possibility and then goes out of their way to *not* avoid a pregnancy.

In my case, the OM. He lied about having a vasectomy and got my wife pregnant.

Some OM's do take perverse pleasure in secretly being the biological father of their WW's child.

In my case, the OM not only joked about it, but he also kept a picture of my kid in his wallet.

This kind of stuff does sadly happen in life. I can personally attest to that.

That being said, this profile definitely does NOT fit the bill for all WS's... particularly the remorseful ones out here trying to heal themselves, heal their relationships, heal their marriages, and helping to heal others on this site.

I also think that there are some WS's who are more predatory in nature than others. I'm not trying to provide any excuses for the behavior of the more "passive" WS's, but I believe this to be true. It does take two to tango, but sometimes the more experienced dancer, or player, takes the lead, and the other allows themselves to ago along with it.

I think the profile of this person, whether real or not, provides a lot of insight to the shallowness, selfishness, and predatory nature of some real live people out there, willing to sacrifice others for their own personal pleasure. They truly do exist.

Proceed with caution, be true to yourself, and keep your boundaries strong, is the lesson learned here, IMHO.

I knew a guy who is just like that irl, very predatory and narrcistic to the point of not even being capable of knowing what love is for the people in his life, his answer is to throw money at them to show his love, (partner and family members) while coming accross as everyones friend and a great guy, its like playing chess with the devil as the manipulation is astounding and his ow never seen it coming until it was too late! he has 5 confirmed children aged from 4 up to 32 from 5 different mothers,, 2 of which were conceived at the same time with his wife and the ow, guys like this are so insecure and have a lack of compassion for empathy so mimic the emotion spectrum of people in order to function and interact with them, his life is based on the same thing that the article is about...the guy i know who does this is a family member who i cut contact with as the toxic way of being a wolf in sheeps clothing was draining,

Before I start, I'm no GQ model look alike and I'm not wealthy.

This is straight out of the sales pitch for every get laid manual and seminar on the internet.

I am well aware that predators exist. I'm just not buying that this particular guy is one of them. The language he uses is too contrived.

I realize that this seems fake, over the top and made up. This is real though.

A lot of men talk like this when it's just men around. They may exaggerate a bit and even outright lie about some details, however the base of their stories are mostly true.

For people like this, it's a game. To see if they can make someone do what they want them to.

It's all about control.

I agree though..whether real or not..it gives insight into how OM think or can think.

It shows how far they will be willing to go. They will go as far as the other participant will let them.

It is braggish and it does come off like a sales pitch.

Like I said in an earlier post..truth is stranger than fiction.

The main thing is..whether real or not..it gives you a look into the mind of someone who could be like this.

A lot of men talk like this when it's just men around. They may exaggerate a bit and even outright lie about some details, however the base of their stories are mostly true.

Spot on. I've seen enough of these types to be able to spot them almost right away. As they say, it takes one to know one right? I could have written that story when I was single - only difference would be to change the location to night clubs, the women to single, and I didn't lie about a vasectomy. I was young, single, recently divorced, and had no intention of getting into another relationship or dating, but still wanted to have sex. I'd go out a few nights a week after work and play the scene. You learn that you don't have to be sincere, just flattering. You learn how to be a chameleon by listening to what they say they want, then becoming that guy. It's easy to do when you don't have to maintain that facade 24/7. So you dance with them, compliment them, laugh at their jokes, tell them what you find unique about them, and the success rate was acceptable. Best part of it all is you don't have to mean it, because you really are just looking for sex, and the means justifies the ends. You aren't making promises, and I'm sure that my "charms" were only effective to women that were already receptive to it. For the record, married women were completely taboo. Period.

The guy that wrote this is using pickup techniques that have been proven effective for short term gains. Period. He never grew up and fills the holes in soul by adding notches to his belt. Sure he brags about it - they all do. He's trying to compensate for the lack of whatever he's missing by playing this game. It strokes his ego, makes him feel like a man. Been there, done that. Difference was, I met a woman I didn't play, married her, never looked back. That period in my life was over two decades ago and I don't miss it.

There are tons of guys like this out there, in the real world and the virtual one. It's a game to them, to see how many women they can bed. They never care about the woman, but are great at making them think they do.

"The main thing is..whether real or not..it gives you a look into the mind of someone who could be like this."

Looking into the mind of someone else is a fools errand. It's our minds we need to be focused on. We're the predator. We took advantage of our pain and vulnerability and told ourselves the lies and justifications that enabled us to break our vows and destroy our integrity.

This is a straw man, to me. Over the top and frankly beyond contrived. It is an odd slam against the "stupid" women while somehow creating this skewed compilation of the OM. There in lies a huge problem right there as one of the biggest bullshit dumps about affairs are they're "special". There are quite a few affairs that don't resemble this at all, so does that mean their affairs are special? Well, since "my" op left their spouse for "me" it was special? My op/I wasn't like this at all. You yourself said that, FRM, in effect distancing yourself and drawing distinctions.

Wayward thought processes are internally formed and internally ours. Not strangers in unmarked vans with candy. To bastardize Commodore Perry, "We've met the enemy and he is us".

"Looking into the mind of someone else is a fools errand."

UO, I tried to say something to that effect, but as always not as well or potently stated as you.

[This message edited by hardlessons at 12:36 PM, September 22nd (Saturday)]

Looking into the mind of someone else is a fools errand.

How so?

To understand an enemy you have to know the enemy. To understand how to help someone you have to know what's going on in their mind.

If not so..there would not be counselors or Ministers or therapists.

So all these people looking into others minds are fools?

I would say so if they got caught up in it, however if used to help or prevent someone from doing something detrimental..where is the foolishness in that?

My op/I wasn't like this at all

Meaning I didn't seek out women to prey upon.

I also said that I was not innocent.

To understand an enemy you have to know the enemy. To understand how to help someone you have to know what's going on in their mind.

The enemy isn't the OP, the enemy is inside of us, the wayward. That is what is not being understood.

[This message edited by tired girl at 1:15 PM, September 22nd (Saturday)]

FRM, for my part I believe that looking onto anothers mind is for entertainment. How can I ever know what all is in the mind/motivation of another.

So, I look to myself, the only one I can control to grow, heal get healthy and right. The effort spent with "Watch out, there are predators on the prowl" is wasted. How as waywards don't we know this? Especially when, whether we want to admit it or not made the CHOICE??? We were not victims who accidentally became Waywards. This guy being an extra special asshole changes nothing.

So, if this guy had one of his OW cheat on him do we now feel sorry for him? Say his latest A didn't work out for him and he has to go back to his wife. We can wonder all F'n day long. No, his actions are his, ours are ours.

If we continue to work on ourselves we will be much better off than laying blame elswhere..

[This message edited by hardlessons at 1:32 PM, September 22nd (Saturday)]

How so?

To understand an enemy you have to know the enemy. To understand how to help someone you have to know what's going on in their mind.

If not so..there would not be counselors or Ministers or therapists.

So all these people looking into others minds are fools?

Help? Why would we need to "help" the supposed douche bag in the OP? Not our wheelhouse. To think you can understand someone from a post like this is folly.

Counselors, ministers, therapists are trained to help us look into our OWN minds not others. Focusing on others is a diversionary measure employed to avoid facing things we don't want to deal with about ourselves. It's always much more fun to "diagnose" someone else's dysfunctions rather that exploring and fixing our own.

Like TG said, the enemy is us. It's us we need to understand. What if the tool doesn't use the measures the OP used? What if he was like you, as you were different, or me? Do you see how making him a caricature can actually be dangerous?

If we shore up the holes in ourselves the boogy man, whether he resembles Freddy Kruger or a KISA can not harm us. We're safe from ourselves and others.

Help? Why would we need to "help" the supposed douche bag in the OP? Not our wheelhouse. To think you can understand someone from a post like this is folly.

Counselors, ministers, therapists are trained to help us look into our OWN minds not others. Focusing on others is a diversionary measure employed to avoid facing things we don't want to deal with about ourselves. It's always much more fun to "diagnose" someone else's dysfunctions rather that exploring and fixing our own.

Like TG said, the enemy is us. It's us we need to understand. What if the tool doesn't use the measures the OP used? What if he was like you, as you were different, or me? Do you see how making him a caricature can actually be dangerous?

If we shore up the holes in ourselves the boogy man, whether he resembles Freddy Kruger or a KISA can not harm us. We're safe from ourselves and others.

No..I am not talking about helping the OP. I am not trying to help him..unless he wanted it.

Who I am trying to help is those that don't know his tactics or even mine should I become like him.

If I knew what someone's plan was to harm me, I would avoid that person or at least their traps.

This is all this was. Exploring someone else's dysfunction was not the purpose of this..rather exposing it.

I am well aware of my own dysfunctions.Which I have worked hard to fix.

I am well aware of the harm I caused 11 years ago.

However I am not the focus of this topic.

Don't know what you're really getting at here.

If you are saying I am not looking at my own dysfunction and concentrating on someone else's..then that's a wrong assessment and not the point of this post.

This was not for entertainment purposes.

I believe many got a lot from reading it and I hope it was helpful..not just for entertainment.

I did not post this for a high post count or popularity.

I posted this for what this forum is here for..information and opinions.

Freddie Krueger, boogeyman or whatever caricature...I did not make him that. I am just as guilty as he is for committing infidelity..wrong is wrong on that account.

My story is in my profile..I put it out there for all to see just like this guy did.

If people sum me up to be a boogeyman then that is what they see.

If people got something from this then that was the purpose, if not they can do the mantra here...take what they need and leave the rest.