SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Even if I win, ultimately I've lost everything.

and whatever happens I will come home to spend a lovely weekend with my children putting up the tree and having fun whereas CSTBXWW will return to an empty house on the 6th either feeling smug or wronged.

You contradict yourself AAS.

You have lost very little.

You will keep your self respect.

Your self esteem will return.

Your life will be rebuilt.

The only thing you lost is Cruella Deville.

In time your boys will return to you when they are old enough. They will know exactly what their Mom has done. The stepbaby will be a reminder of that to your boys everyday.

And Richard is a Dick!

Stay strong. February is not far away.

And remember this AAS. Sometime in the future you will have your day. And your EXWW will know what day it is.

Of that I am sure.

HM

I can and will express frustration to child services when they visit and I'll probably write another letter to her solicitor nearer the time but there isn't much else I can do right now.

This is good. It shows that you recognize and are not happy with the amount of contact you have been "allowed" by your WW.

Friday cannot come soon enough for you, I'm sure. We're all hoping it goes in your favor.

I spoke with my solicitor and she wrote the following:

I do not think that you should apply to court between now and the next court hearing to try and change the current contact. The court will want to see the CAFCASS report before making any decisions. It will be difficult for the court to decide on the basis of the current evidence. In relation to writing to her solicitor about the current contact arrangements I think that you could certainly write a letter to them saying that you would welcome more contact and that you feel that the boys would benefit. You could remind them that the Mother has the option of agreeing to this as per the last court order and that you hope that she would consider doing so. I would keep it quite light and not too negative. The Mother no doubt knows that you want more contact. She simply does not appear to want to agree to this.

So I wrote this

Dear Sirs,

I write in regard to the Court order issued by Milton Keynes County Court on the 30th October and in particular, section 7 part d).

As you are aware, the Judge has provided the option for the Mother (and Father) to agree to ad-hoc contact over and above the mandated temporary arrangements and I would like to mutually arrange for some additional contact between now and the next hearing date.

Please seek instruction from your client and inform her that I am completely flexible as to when this can be but I propose an additional evening or night one day during the coming weeks or possibly an extended weekend or one Sunday on a weekend when it is not my turn.

I am sure your client would appreciate that it would be good for the children. This arrangement could also signify the possibility of further ad-hoc contact in the future, which has so far, not been forthcoming.

I look forward to hearing from you

[This message edited by allatsea at 3:29 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

Allatsea,

Well done, your letter will remain in the file for future consideration. It allows your lawyer to address it when the witch proposes less time for you than now.

Good Luck on the 6th. Stay strong!

allatsea, you worded that perfectly. I'd just love to see CSTBXWW's face when she reads it - and who knows - she may even get herself so worked up about it that she'll even give you some extra ammunition for February by penning one of her by now trademark arrogant and entitled replies.

Great response <3

Many hugs to you AAS. As we all read about the things your CSTBXWW is doing, we all get very mad and just can't believe she is allowed to do any of this! We get all worked up and try to help you fight this battle by putting her down and talking about what a horrible person she is. That is easy for us to do because we just see this evil person. However, no matter what, she is/was your wife. You've loved her and built a life with with her and I truly can't imagine what you must be going through. You are awesome to put your kids first and I pray that your CSTBXWW will at some point come to her senses.

You continue to amaze me at how strong you are when you are so broken inside and have truly lost the love of your life. Many hugs to you that you can work things out and find happiness again.

AAS, So glad you voiced your dissatisfaction with the current visitation schedule...and you did it so politely and eloquently!

You have such fortitude! As I read your letter to her solicitor I got a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking of the backlash she is going to throw your way...you have nerves of steel! Your STBXWW will most likely punish you for the letter, using the children, and you will be able to document that too.

When this is all over, our wish is that she pays all financial costs (or most) and that you have the maximium amount of time with your children. When her illegitimate child is born, her world is going to focus around it, and perhaps she will not give you such trouble over your children, because she won't be able to handle the added stress.

Good Luck today aas. It's going to be hard there in court but please know that a lot of people here are thinking of you and supporting you from afar.

I'm sitting in the court waiting room and cstbxww and Gru are opposite me but facing away. I'm still incredulous that she and I no longer even look at each other. Where has my wife gone? They look smug but not talking a great deal. I hate being here.

The wife you thought you knew doesn't exist. The woman in front of you is the real her. It's unbelievable, I know. Such a mindfuck.

But don't let her see you as a victim. Imagine yourself covered in armour..she can't hurt you anymore. She's already done the damage. Now it's time to fight back.

I hate being here.

We are here with you! Hang in there my friend. This too shall pass.

I also received her questionnaire to my financial submittal. She, presumably, has mine.

Her questions are odd. She asks me to provide stuff I've already submitted and states that she won't be attending the hearing on the 20th because we are in dispute over the value of the house and that I haven't responded to her questionnaire that I got an hour ago. The purpose of the hearing is to resolve the financial dispute. Not turning up because there are finances in dispute defeats the object.

I just don't get it

We are here with you!

^^^ This.

Wishing you all the best today.

Is she trying to just confuse you for the sake of being in control of this, maybe?

Her questions are odd. She asks me to provide stuff I've already submitted and states that she won't be attending the hearing on the 20th because we are in dispute over the value of the house and that I haven't responded to her questionnaire that I got an hour ago. The purpose of the hearing is to resolve the financial dispute. Not turning up because there are finances in dispute defeats the object.

Do you have valuation reports from estate agents or a surveyor to back up your valuation estimate? If so... I don't get it either.

I can only imagine how it is being this close to the both of them allatsea - but try your hardest to just ignore her too - channel an ice man in your veins - at least until you leave the courtroom, and don't forget we hare all here rooting for you.

Picture all of us, standing behind you.

You have always been able to face yourself and look yourself in the eyes. Your boys are seeing that honesty and integrity in you.

WW is emotionally blind, so it doesn't matter what she looks at, she doesn't see.

Right there with you!

She's looney. No if's and or buts. Stating that she's not attending the hearing to resolve disputed items?????

Well, hopefully the judge will resolve them by default!

She really put that in writing? Wow!!!

Strength and mojo brother

[This message edited by 5454real at 9:45 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Please let us know the outcome. We are all here.

Remember, pod-people don't think like normal people. Cray-cray is their main language and its confusing to real people. So just answer the actual questions, reference the documents already submitted as "submitted on X-date," and correct any errors/mis-statements/lies. Be calm. We got your back.