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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 7:45 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2013
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 8:00 PM on Saturday, August 24th, 2013
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
rainagain ( member #14917) posted at 1:43 PM on Sunday, August 25th, 2013
((( ppga)))
Great letter! Keep at it! Sending strength (to one of the strongest people I know).
Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:11 done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love- Marino Me: Divorced
painpaingoaway (original poster member #27196) posted at 6:42 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
He called today. He wants help.
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
click4it ( member #209) posted at 6:49 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
What are you going to do?
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
painpaingoaway (original poster member #27196) posted at 8:41 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
I told him to stay strong...to call his counselor at Voc Rehab and beg for another chance, to attend an AA or NA meeting tonight, to call the XXX Center (XXX County's drug and alcohol agency) and make an appt, etc... Whether or not he will actually do any of these things, I have no idea. I also suggested he call XXX, (a NAMI member, former meth addict, that has been very supportive of him).
He is going to my daughters house to mow her grass, so he is trying to do something.
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 8:51 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
PPGA --
I bet it doesn't feel like it right now but you did just help him. You gave him ways to help himself. ((PPGA))
I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel over the whole thing. More prayers for all of you.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
click4it ( member #209) posted at 8:52 PM on Monday, August 26th, 2013
Ditto to what hexed just said. You handled that so well.
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
lynnm1947 ( member #15300) posted at 2:09 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
PPGA, I so feel your pain. I have a son who has never given me a moment's worry but if he DID, I have to say, I think my first impulse would be to help. I love him as you love the boy you gave birth to. That you are holding firm to his not coming home must absolutely kill you. I am so sad for you. And so proud of you. It's in his best interests, you know that, right? It just f'ing sucks in the meantime.
Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 10:59 AM on Tuesday, August 27th, 2013
I have no words. Just ((((((((((ppga))))))))
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
rainagain ( member #14917) posted at 1:10 AM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
You're still there for him by being his anchor. One day or hour at a time. Hugs and love.
Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:11 done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love- Marino Me: Divorced
painpaingoaway (original poster member #27196) posted at 4:00 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Yesterday was really stressful for me.
DS came by to borrow some tools, (he is still attempting to do yard work for people), and he told me that after he contacted his local Rehab counselor and begged for another chance, she said she wants him to see his doc, have his meds 'evaluated', and be med-compliant for A MONTH before they will try to get him back into another rehab.
His docs office can not get him in for another week, so, even if all that goes as planned, this means he will be waiting another 5 WEEKS at least. This is so so wrong. He looked so hopeless.
Even if he tries, he may not be med compliant, (and the problem isn't even that he refuses to take meds, it is more a matter that he doesn't take them consistantly because he is so compromised he forgets).
I would think the responsible decision would be for him to go immediately into rehab where they could supervise the taking of the meds, and work on the substance abuse AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!
At this point, I really believe the system is harming him far more than it is helping him. And the damned irony of it all, is that if he were to commit a crime, he would be swept up into the system within minutes, without all this ridiculous red tape!
After DS got the tools from the house, I had to leave him sitting in my driveway while I went to a doctors appt of my own, where I was told that my resting heart rate was 120. Doc asked what was going on. I just said, "don't even get me started".
While driving back home, I was mentally preparing myself for pulling into my drive, and finding DS hanging from a tree or something. This is no way for any of us to live.
I had a support group participant last Fall that has dealt with her son's illness by renting him an apartment, and just letting him sit there all day and smoke pot. Ya know, she might be on to something there.
Or hey, I know, maybe I should just rent myself an apt and smoke pot all day? 😎
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
((((ppga))))
I'm so sorry, this is such a stressful situation for your family.
I agree it would make sense for him to be admitted and try to take care of all of the problems at the same time, but it doesn't seem realistic to expect that to happen (unfortunately).
As for med compliance - can you get him an alarm that will remind him when he needs to take something? Maybe he can get used to some kind of system like that where there is a reminder can help him keep better track?
Sending more strength and mojo your way.
((((ppga))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
click4it ( member #209) posted at 7:06 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Oh gosh ppa... 
I feel your frustration. Sometimes the system really IS whacked. I don't understand the policies sometimes. DeadMum has a great suggestion there for a reminder for meds.
Ugh, I know there is no easy answer. ((((hugs))))))
Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 7:06 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Has anything come of your letter?
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
JustDone ( member #9742) posted at 7:10 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Madhatter
Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 7:47 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Here is one example of a pill alarm:
http://www.amazon.com/pill-Medication-Reminder-Organizer-Combination/dp/B00020BKE8
or google epill, it's a company that has several possible solutions (pager-type alarm, watch, etc).
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 8:27 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:44 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 11:56 PM on Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
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