SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My fear has been that if I force DS out that I will lose all contact. (((PPGA)))

oh, me too gahurts. Especially if he winds up homeless. (Right now he is with friends, but I think they are only giving him 2 weeks there).

Gahurts, what's going on with your DS? Is it drugs?

The hardest decisions are typically the right ones.

(((ppga)))

I have a post about it on NB. He was arrested for possession with intent to distribute. When that happened I learned that he also cashed one bogus check and tried to cash a second one and the bank pressed charges. We paid the bank back but once it got in front of the DA the DA would not drop the charges. He just had to go to court to take a plea deal on that. We are still waiting to find out what will happen with the drug charges.

The bigeest problem is that he hangs around the house doing nothing. I'm on his butt about lookign for work and he has stepped that up and he is going to AA meetings but he just does not contribute the way he needs to. If he doesn't have a job or isn't going to school then he needs to be contributing around the house without me telling him every thing to do. All I need is for him to show a little initiative and I am satisfied but he keeps slipping back into old patters. And the fact that he doesn't see anything wrong with pot just drives me crazy. No only because I don't like it but because it is now starting to ruin his life but he still doesn't think there is anything wrong.

PPGA... this...

Plus H was a basket case, and I had to keep him calmed down in addition to dealing with DS and my own anguish

When we don't think we can stand another thing, we end up taking care of yet another person.

I want to be a man in my next life!

So sorry for your grief. Just found out last night that our son has NOT been going to his tech school since January. I don't know whether or not to be more upset about those lies, and the gas money we gave him to get there, or the wondering where in the hell has he been going from 3 - 9 every night for 5 months?

I just wanted to hold a baby in my arms!

Not really. I love my kids. But boy can it hurt.

(((PPGA)))

(((GA Hurts))) That was my fear too. It is one of the toughest things we have to do as parents. DS always seems to manage and we haven't lost him yet, thank God. You and your DS are in my thoughts.

t/j (as a member)

When we don't think we can stand another thing, we end up taking care of yet another person.

I want to be a man in my next life!

Not sure what being a man or a woman has to do with it. For me and my H, we pick up the slack for each other when the other has had enough. There was a point where I had to check out of DS's drama for awhile or I would have ended up in the hospital. H said, "You take a break, I got this."

I have done the same for him. There is nothing wrong with leaning on each other. Actually, it's necessary, IMO. end t/j

Speaking as someone who had a rough growing up and a VERY rocky start in my 20's, drinking, staying out all night, doing drugs... you are doing the right thing.

It was only when my mother quit enabling me that I finally grew up and starting supporting myself and got my life on track. As long as someone was footing the bill, I was going to party and have a good time. I worked my way through college on my own and my current social group would be shocked if they knew my "history".

Also this advice is spot on...

For me and my H, we pick up the slack for each other when the other has had enough. There was a point where I had to check out of DS's drama for awhile or I would have ended up in the hospital. H said, "You take a break, I got this."

I have done the same for him. There is nothing wrong with leaning on each other. Actually, it's necessary, IMO. end

Support your H but make sure you let him know this is difficult for you and that you need emotional support too.

You know you are doing the right thing and as a parent I know how heartbreaking this is for you.

((ppga & gahurts))

My little sister(22) is in the hospital again..overdose..again..life support..again. Off life support now...but she is talking like a 2 year old...we fear brain damage.

My mother is her biggest enabler. had she been strong,and made tough decisions,like the one you had to make PPGA,maybe,just maybe this wouldn't have happened..again.

I HATE drugs.

Pain, cocaine use can cause horrible paranoid events, especially when coming down. He's not sniffing or freebasing, is he?

I don't know lyn.

He is taking steps now to get into drug treatment thru our state Vocational Rehabilation Dept. they have their own dedicated treatment centers; the waits are much shorter there. I do know for a fact he showed up for the first appt, b/c the people there called me.

Well, that may be a step in the right direction. They really do have to hit rock bottom before they realize the only way is up. Don't second guess that you did the right thing. This may be his rock bottom. (((pain)))

((((ppga))))

Make sure you also take care of you.

I just sent this to a member that PMed me:

Things are beginning to get very tough for him, and he is breaking emotionally. I fear he will kill himself.

He left his phone in a out of town acquaintances car yesterday, and the guy left to go back home. So since all DS's contact numbers are on the phone, he can't call the guy. He has called his own phone repeatedly, and the guy never picks up.

DS is desperate for his phone, because he is waiting for some girl that he is supposed to repair some damage he did to her car to call him. She has threatened him with a bench warrant the next day if he doesn't fix her car. So she can't contact him, and he has no way to contact her. He is also waiting for the call from the rehab people to come at any moment.

He had also been told by the people he is staying with now that he has to leave there on Thursday.

So he is desperate, comes to my house crying, saying he can't do anything right even when he is trying to. My heart breaks. He says he is going to drive the 1 1/2 hrs to the guys house. He asks if he can take my cell phone so he can continue to call his phone while driving there. I say NO, I can call his phone for him.

So, at 11pm last night, DS decides to drive 1 1/2 hrs to the guys house. (He has no money, and little gas in his car). He gets about 30 miles up the road, and runs out of gas. He calls me at midnight. Can I bring him some gas? FUCK.

So I did. I caved. I helped him. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I dragged my ass out of bed at midnight, rummaged thru the garage to find a gas can. Went to the station to fill it up, drove 30 miles to give it to him, and even gave him $20 to get more gas.

(((PPGA)))

BTDT as far as bailing DS out way too many times than I should have. You're a parent, you're human.

I really believe there is nothing more difficult.

Big, giant hugs.

Every night I pray for these kids.

(((ppga))) (((DS23)))

(((PPGA)))

Oh how I feel your pain, (pain). It sure is a fine line we walk when being a parent. We know when our help at times may not help them in the long run but we just can't see them suffer.

I have walked that fine line so many times in much smaller ways with my own children.

I can totally understand how you would go and help even at that time of night.

I hope things get better for you both.

((PPGA))I am sorry you are going through this. What a nightmare for every parent experiencing it.

LA

Sending you healing prayers, PPGA. I've been in your shoes. I put one of my daughters out when she was 20 to sink or swim. Not an easy decision. She struggled to tread water for awhile, but learned to swim pretty quickly.

I'm so sorry. The mental health system in this country leaves much to be desired.

I come from a long line of mental illness- and I have it too.

My cousin sounds just like your son- except she involved not only her mom- but the rest of the family too. A therapist told her family- that she was holding them all emotionally hostage- and she was. Her family kicked her out- and after some trips across the country to call and threaten to kill herself- she finally got her mental illness under control.

To a less less degree- I finally admitted the chronic depression that kept me from enjoying my life and started medication and therapy- exactly when --I had to.

I'm so sorry- I can't imagine the pain.