SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Welcome unwound.

Your name describes exactly how I felt in those first days after dday.

Please take time to takecare of you. It sounds like you have done your research, and know how to go into stealth mode. Good for you. Have you seen an attorney? If not I would strongly recommend this. You need to know what would happen should you have to go down the road to D. Not that you will. But the fear of the what ifs can be paralyzing, and thinking I know what will happen has lead many of us here to make some bad choices based on that.

Also please go get tested for STD's. This is for you and your kids health. They deserve one healthy sane stable parent. Right now that is YOU. I too disagree with the therapist. My kids are 16 and 14, and they know what's up 99% of the time in our house. Even when we don't tell them. Finances - they know when we are struggling. Arguments - although rare, I have had them both offer advice, or opinions, and ask questions. Teens are very observant, and they may already know what's up, but I think with you son playing football, and summer practice and all that you need to let him know.

Keep coming and posting. We all want to offer support and advice.

Take some time to figure out what you want, if you want to R. What will it take? The ball is in your court, and you get to make the decisions. Don't feel rushed to make them either.

((((and strength))))

Find out the law in your state regarding recording conversations. In most states, the VAR in your own home is not against the law. BUT, in some states there are more restrictive laws. A quick google search will help and probably resolve this issue for you. Any ambiguity should be resolved by asking the lawyer you should be talking to NOW about your whole situation.

I don't believe it has become a PA only because I caught it in time and the content of the texts I am able to read. They were very much looking forward to the PA though, based on the sexting. She is unremorseful as of right now. I have consulted an attorney. She blew up when I made the mistake of telling her.

As for DS. Summer football camp is next Monday. I don't think I will tell him about OM or threaten WW to tell him. I will just explain to her he will not be allowed to participate and risk being humiliated unless he decides to after being given the facts. Or should I just not allow it period? He LOVES football.

Unwound

Is she still in the house or did she move out?

What does she say she wants? Does she want a D or does she want to try for R?

I am so sorry that she is not coming out of the fog. She is living in denial.

Hang tough. You are doing great. Keep moving.

Regarding telling your son. Talk with a counselor on this.

He is old enough to understand but it is a huge burden to put on a child.

Are there other coaches at this camp? Is there anyway he can go and NOT be in contact with the OM?

I hate to see your son punished because of his mother's selfish choices.

Is it possible to call OM and say I am still send DS but you are to have ZERO interaction with him? May not be possible but just a thought.

Does your wife realize the hurt she has brought not only to you but to your children as well?

Makes me sad for you all.

(((hugs)))

She hasn't said it is time for a divorce but said she can't see how we can R. I had a face to face with Mr. Football Coach and put boundaries on him re: my kids. Or else I release the texts. Oh yeah, I talked to the superintendent. He goes to my church. He says he understands but if nothing happened during school hours he cannot do anything. So I am empowered knowing I could blow their shit out of the water. Coach Football even talked my son into going out for track. He helped coach that as well. WW went to the track meets and sat with coach while I worked weekends. Hmmm sounds like an abuse of power to me.

[This message edited by unwound at 10:21 AM, July 12th (Friday)]

I don't usually recommend this, but in this case, YOU need to tell your son what's going on. Not details, just the facts. Also, exposure needs to happen. Coach asshole, should be nowhere near your family! It's your job as their father to protect them at any cost. And if you think for a second that your WW is gonna tell your DS the truth, without sugar coating it, your very mistaken!

Good move on the Verizon gig. It does help clear up a lot of crap doesn't it? Not trying to t/j but I had something similar with email. When we initially set up our Comcast email accounts like ten plus years ago we were given passwords for online access to our emails (through their website). When I felt something wasn't right WW forgot I had both our passwords. We never had anything to hide so she never changed them, only use them for set up on our email software (Outlook). I went into my old Rolodex stashed in the back of my desk drawer where I had a card under Comcast (remember those!). The password on her email still worked and I found out everything. Specific mentions to dates spent in Atlanta together, etc. I even logged in there the days leading up to full disclosure and saw them chatting back and forth about how angry I was that I'm figuring all this out. I printed it all off and confronted her with the evidence.

Anyhow your WW brought all this on herself. And both their jobs could be in jeopardy you're right. Sounds to me like their fate is in your hands and you control the cards whether she believes that or not. Regardless of what happens and because they work at the same school, they can't be together and stay there. It will never fly under the circumstances and one will probably have to resign if they want to continue. Don't worry, the fog will soon lift and she will realize what a mistake and mess of her life she's made. Just get your ducks in order and make plans. Prepare for the worse and hope for the best.

I am quickly losing hope of the fog lifting before I shred my chances of R. Today is bad for some reason-high anxiety. I think I am dwelling on it too much.

Keep silent about the VAR indefinitely..Is the integrated text messaging a feature on the family service plans? :-)

I echo crisp..Do find out the laws in your state in regards to recording conversations, hacking into e-mails, etc..In our state it is a felony punishable with up to 4 years in prison if the one making the complaint has a good case for invasion of privacy..

I talked to the superintendent. He goes to my church. He says he understands but if nothing happened during school hours he cannot do anything

Did I mention they sent each other 2000 text messages in the month of May?

Umm… they were texting in May. Thousands of texts. Some of that had to be during school hours right? Doesn’t that qualify? It certainly should be the fuel for an investigation. Can you get her SIM card and recover some of the messages? Does not sound like the super is interested in looking too hard at this. Perhaps you need to find out what the school policies are and who else you can talk to about it. What about the athletic director? He should NOT be allowed to coach your kid.

The other BS and WH are divorcing. Interesting, they had planned on counseling but all of the sudden he pulled that offer off the table 2 months ago. Too bad for him because now she is going to take him to the cleaners.

If the other BS plans to take him to the cleaners,

Does this mean that she will have no problem exposing the A to the community? A football coach with a baby(1 year is still a baby) at home cheating with a co-worker who also happens to be a mom of a kid he coaches?!?! That is pretty tasty news and it will travel far and fast.

It will be interesting to see if he chooses to save his reputation by tossing your wife under the bus to salvage the things he holds dear. I am not talking about his wife and kid- I am sorry to say. He has already demonstrated that he cares little for them. I am talking about the ego kibbles he gets from his job and status. Do not underestimate how much that means to him. Use it to your advantage whenever possible.

mom told him she needed to go find herself.

Uggh. Yeah because finding yourself always starts with sexting.

So here we are one month later and she still keeps saying "What kind of person does that",

I always love to hear a cheater talk about integrity. From the lady who used her 15 year olds birthday as a beard to see her OM. Nice. Please let me know when she puts out her parenting book.

I would want to clarify first and foremost if something can be done about him coaching your kid. Keep up the 180 and investigate your options with the lawyer before making any concrete decisions.

Hang in there.

Redrock you are right on target on all of this.

The Superintendent didn't poke around because I told him there was nothing more to find. Keeping my Ace in the hole. WW and WH both know it will be job ending if I provide all the info I have.

Yes many of the texts were during school hours.

The other BS is using it with her attorney but really hasn't gone public yet. She thought it would be best to get what she wants out of the divorce with that leverage.

Mr. Football thinks he can have his cake and eat it too. He is basically claiming to choose his job, and ultimately will because he is an ego maniac, but is still contacting WW.

Doggiediva,

Yes it is available on the family plan. If you are the account manager then you can sign up any of the phones on the plan.

I would suggest doing it when you can delete the text notification that goes to the phone you sign up.

Or if you are like my WW you ignore the message because you are in such a hurry to get back to sexting.

LOL!

"Please let me know when she puts out her parenting book."

Redrock scores!

unwound))) brother, please get at least a consult with a lawyer. ASAP!

Never reveal your sources.

This is one story where fuckball coach has a high probability of being horsewhipped outta town -

and

Your dear wonderful children are completely protected to boot!

Speaking of boots - got my Keltic ASS-KICKING BOOTS on for ya!

Thanks jjct. She is pissed off today! She found out I am still helping the other BS with any needed info. for her divorce. She told me it is over and we should use the attorney I have spoken with for the divorce, in a text. I chose not to reply. We will see. This woman in the fog is not my wife anyway....

DS now knows there was some "inappropriate texting" between WW and OM. He is 15 and quiet. Hopefully I can bring him out of his shell to talk about what he is feeling.

Oh you will brother, you will.

Just make sure to get out of your own fog first (oxygen mask analogy).

Since she found stuff out, you need to plug the hole in your intel as much as you can, play it closer to the vest. As close as you can.

Being pissed is NOT the sign of remorse.

Protect yourself.

Have you ever heard the question; "Why do the heathen rage?"

It applies here.

Uggh. Yeah because finding yourself always starts with sexting.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:49 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]

Good advice jjct. I wish now she didn't know about integrated messenger but oh well. I know what they say to each other. She has no knowledge of the VAR but is paranoid hell. I better quit dropping innuendos that I know stuff still. It's hard not to dangle it out there.