SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've had two c-sections and I do the Kiegle (sp?) I'll have to watch out for my eyebrows!!! I do it whenever I think of it. Whether it's 30 times a day or once a month. It's a healthy thing for you to do for a number of reasons. It can be fun too....

Ok..I've heard this said. I don't know the answer but I suspect it's bullshit. We need more guys to step up and own this and thanks to the ones that have already. I think it's more myth in WS handbook.

I think it's brave of you to ask and put this out there for us. I find it interesting and wonder if any of it is true. I seriously doubt it though.

I'm going to go now, my eyebrows are bouncing around....

sunflowergirl, I got the same from FWH. OW was "different". Not better, just "different". OW was in its 40's and has never had children. Yeah, I was fucking insecure as hell about that.

Now, I don't care. Fuck him and its childless va jay jay. OW thought it had the golden va jay jay and could lure any man away with it. Yeah, for a time it did. OW didn't know it was competing against my platinum va jay jay, though. Mine is the best! (Except for every other BW here, we all have platinum va jay jay's) I really believe that.

Mine is true blue and his, all his, and only his. That makes it the most precious va jay jay in the world.

I never noticed any difference in The Princess after our kids were born. I recently had sex with someone who has had no children.

My fingers noticed a definite difference in tightness on the inside, but not on the opening. My penis didn't notice or care about either. It was happy with both women.

Oh the fascinating conversations that affairs bring up. My WS said the same thing about it being "different".

When I asked if she O'd he said "I don't know, I assume so but she's not like you."

Whatever.

Anyway-my main reason for posting this is that I did experience some nerve damage with my youngest son's vaginal birth and had some little issues with incontinence.

I purchased a Keigel Master which is a resistance exerciser for your keigel muscles. Regular keigel exercises don't fully engage all the muscles. This thing does. Within a week my incontinence (leak when sneezing) was gone and I could "grip" in an amazing way I had never been able to before.

Also, the resistance exercises help with blood flow and increase sensitivity-which was an issue for me. My WS noticed a difference as well...not that it kept him from cheating-this was before he cheated.

So really, 2 things:

Being tight or loose, having lots of sex (me) or none, being willing to do anything and everything (me) or nothing (AP) does not keep your mate from cheating.

If you're really insecure or want to feel like you're truly doing something FOR YOU then get the keigel master. It's the best 100$ I ever spent. Whether I stay married or move on, I will have confidence that my lady parts are the best they can be.

My ex had 4 vaginal births and I honestly never noticed any difference.

TMI warning: one thing I miss about my ex is she was always great when it came to sex...I could have it whenever I wanted pretty much. So we had two types....1) where we def pleased each other 2) what I called my "selfish sex" or quickies lol. Although I liked #2 sometimes....I always had to work at it to get it "in", it was always def work and I used to think wtf...after 4 natural child births shouldn't this be very easy? #1 I could just about 'fall-in' sometimes! I PREFERRED #1. So everything I'm writing here seems to go against these claims of natural child births ruining women.

Disclaimer: all those natural child births did ruin something for the ex tho (although I never noticed it)...she can no longer cough or laugh without peeing herself....every time! The evil side of me hopes her POSOM is a fucking comedian ;-)

Reading over all this...thinking about how I feel.

Realizing my lady parts are just that...

MY LADY PARTS!

Nothing about me then or now mattered.

Wh was all about wh...

I still hate feeling so sad inside. In my head and in my heart. It is what it is.

Different...

I really hate that.

Our life, our marriage, everything. Just different all over him wanting some " different"...

I hate that word :(

Im all cried out. I cant shed one tear. Maybe thats good. Laying here listening to wh shower. Feeling dread. Im that woman, the one who is just sad all the time. I smile but my kids can tell. They constantly ask are you ok? Whats wrong? I say nothing is wrong. That I am fine.

What a big lie

It's funny, I had 3 vaginal births, and my H tells me I'm tighter now than I ever have been. In fact, I can feel it as well as he feels quite large compared to years past... and I KNOW his business hasn't gotten any bigger.

My beautiful wife has given birth to four very large baby girls and I certainly don't notice a difference. Feels great and looks beautiful. I love it.

Thank you to all the guys who answered. What you wrote is very reassuring, especially this:

I'd bet that what your wayward husband is saying about you is just part of the excuse-making that waywards use to give any justification for what they have done. Honestly, you should not give it any further thought.

1. From XWH during false R: I was not tight enough (two natural births), also boring and didn't initiate enough

2. From XWH after DDay#2: I'm tight, amazing, exciting, etc.

3. From the handful of men post D: I'm so tight, can't believe I've ever given birth

4. From fiancé: I love you and that's why making love to you is so amazing

I think #1 was gross rewriting, #2 was rewriting in exactly the opposite way, #3 was true but highly shined up, and #4 is not only true but also self-aware. It's not the physical dimensions of the jiggly parts, it's the value of the connection with the other person that is going to drive pleasure. That Dr. Ruth was right on the money!

For goodness sake, we deliver these men's babies, and this is the thanks we get.

The ones complaining about this sort of thing can't be classified as men. Assholes yes, but not men.

I have had sex with several women in each category - - virgins; sex but no kids; one kid; several kids; recent kids and not-so-recent kids. Over all, none of that makes a difference to how they feel or whether they were good lays. IMO, the child-bearing difference is non-existent compared to more important things such as attitude, enthusiasm, hip bucking, clenching, creativity, level of comfort, sexual compatibility, willingness to experiment, honesty, etc.

The only thing that I can think of that "ruined" an otherwise excellent vagina for me (unfortunately) was a woman who used a diaphragm and spermicide for contraception. First, there was the break in action while she inserted the diaphragm. Then, the spermicide was so greasy that I felt nothing when I was inside her. There was no friction at all. I could hardly climax and she could not have been feeling much either. Plus, I was turned off for going down on her for a second round. I preferred to use a condom, but she wanted to "feel" me in her.

Anyway, consider that women can be fisted and still regain fine vaginal form pretty quickly.

While we are on the topic... ass is not the new vagina and never will be. I have nothing against anal sex, but it does not hold a candle to vagina as far as tightness and feeling.

And finally, the shaving fad has "jumped the shark". Real men like a little bush. Trimmed is good. It doesn't have to be animal topiary or anything elaborate. Based on a relatively small sample size so far, women seem to appreciate a guy who will occasionally trim them. More women should ask. He might even find your clitoris while he's putzing around down there.

I have had sex with several women in each category - - virgins; sex but no kids; one kid; several kids; recent kids and not-so-recent kids. Over all, none of that makes a difference to how they feel or whether they were good lays. IMO, the child-bearing difference is non-existent compared to more important things such as attitude, enthusiasm, hip bucking, clenching, creativity, level of comfort, sexual compatibility, willingness to experiment, honesty, etc.

I've asked my SO before and this was his response almost exactly.

And let me just say, the second a man doesn't appreciate my body, we are done. My body is amazing, it grew two babies, pushed them out, and then provided milk for them for almost 2 yrs afterwards each. I really want to punch each of those guys who said those things to you (pl). FTGs!!!!

The ones complaining about this sort of thing can't be classified as men. Assholes yes, but not men.

I completely agree.

Crazz was kind and optimistic during my pregnancy. I would worry about stretching, and he would insist that it didn't matter. He told me I was beautiful when I was pregnant, and he always respected that my body was carrying his child. When the stretch marks started to show on my tummy he would kiss them and say they were sexy battle wounds for growing a human. Yes, he cheated later, but this is separate from that in my mind and heart. He has never ever made me feel badly about my body.

THAT is a man, and I'm lucky to know so many more like him.

(Doesn't hurt that I snapped back like a damn rubber band, though. I think that's more common than we worry about.

)

This is a ridiculous concern. This is an organ designed to allow another human being to be created from cells. It is Absolutely amazing. Anyone who says its loose from having kids is fos. It is a muscle and if not used will loose its tone. So if some pencil dick can feel it then I suggest he help exercise it.

This is the most pliable tissue I the human body and if managed right will not tear at delivery This is a little known fact but that tissue if massaged while in labor will stretch out to as thin as it needs to be. No episiotomy no tearing.

So for those that are concerned about being tight enough. Exercise it. Use it often with and without your partner.

This is a ridiculous concern. This is an organ designed to allow another human being to be created from cells. It is Absolutely amazing. Anyone who says its loose from having kids is fos. It is a muscle and if not used will loose its tone. So if some pencil dick can feel it then I suggest he help exercise it.

I SO agree....not trying to toot my horn...I have NEVER been able to determine if a woman has had kids (or how many) by having sex with them.....GOOD GRIEF....and that dude cant either...

I think he's humping his wifes leg....

JMO

Bufffalo

Something I've learned here in the hallowed halls of SI:

Pussy Has No Face

tight/loose/shaved/unshaved there is no majik, it was simply readily served up by a f*cked up slunt to an equally f*cked up man-whore.

Having said that, fWH had atleast the grace to tell me that they weren't better, or discernabley different, they were available. (see above)

(edit for typo)

[This message edited by StepAside at 9:14 PM, August 24th (Saturday)]

I've had sex with several guys who were shocked when it came up afterwards that I have had two kids and breastfed both for 18m+. No stretch marks, my boobs are lovely - not quite as lovely as they were in my 20s but that is age and weight loss/gain related, not breastfeeding related.

I've been asked where my cesarian scar is several times. Um, they do come out of vaginas too, y'know.

I don't know what they expected a vagina that had done one of its intended jobs to feel like but they were certainly surprised.

I had an episiotomy with my first and tore with my second. I felt different/tender/weird only externally for somewhere between a year and 18m. Most of it was psychological and the fact that I was married to a sexually selfish cold fish arsehole.

My G-spot moved around too but otherwise I feel back to normal now 3 years after my last child. Actually it feels better than ever because I do a lot of pelvic floor exercises since having the girls whereas I never really thought about it before.

I have a large network of mum-friends both IRL and online (circa 100 women all up) and we discuss this quite a bit as it is a common concern. Only one of them has real issues and they are nerve-damage related, not 'tightness' related. The rest seem more concerned about it despite their partners insisting they feel the same/better.

I'm with the poster who talked about apple and banana shapes.

If you're turned on by yourself and by your partner your vagina can give you both some fantastic gifts. If not then its pretty much like a visit to the gyno - all poking and prodding with little to no sensation.

Don't let this load of bullshit mess with your head. Penis' aren't bloody fingertips - a woman's arousal and different positions can all change the 'tight' factor, pre or post kids.

Speaking of the gynocologist, (WARNING!!! t.m.i!!) I have just the opposite problem.

Since my wh and I do not have sex, AND because of post menopausal dryness - that was never a problem before - I am TOO tight!

When I go to the gyn, it hurts me so badly, I am in pain for days. I have considered getting a 'device' just to stretch me out a few weeks prior to my next visit. (It's also embarrassing - I'm sure the doctor knows that if I am so tight and it hurts so badly - there is no way anything is ever in there!)

I just didn't think I would be through with my whoha at 60!

So sorry for the TMI and t/j.

Well I have 6 and have never thought about it once!!!!

My OB did say after I had #5 that he was shocked I could still use regular tampons. I guess that's a good thing!?!?