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ReconcilingWife ( member #44420) posted at 1:58 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
Me: BS, now 42
Him: WS, now 49
DD: May 30, 2014 (2 month affair)
2 children
Naively optimistic username (chosen in frustration when everything else I could think of was taken or too close to my real name)--but 2 years on, R is truly going well
Furious1 ( member #42970) posted at 3:11 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2014
Wow! This is a MUST READ! I really wish this was in the Healing Library.
BW (me): 46
2 adult kids
D-day: 10/4/13.
Divorced
Futurefear ( member #43176) posted at 4:37 AM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014
This is simply awesome.
Thank you.
FF
me- BW him-cheater (2 during our marriage, still with dirty whore)
together 10 yrs, married 7.5
kids- 2 DD and 1 DS
DD#1-Jan 2014,#2-2/2014, #3-3/2014
Filed 4/2014, divorce final 5/2015
flup ( member #21259) posted at 5:14 AM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014
I tell the people that I know well enough to bring up the subject, that they will never see the betrayal coming...
They will be performing the spouses "duties" as they have been impressed with from their FOO. Then, they will get blindsided at DDay. Not their fault, nothing they did that was out of the ordinary - as far as they knew.
The BS NEVER sees it coming...
Me: BS 59Her: fWW 54
D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
sillyoldsod ( member #43649) posted at 9:53 AM on Tuesday, August 19th, 2014
Thanks for bumping and thank you Nomadlady for the thread. You hit the nail on the head. Awesome!
I've never met a sociopath I didn't like.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:52 PM on Thursday, November 6th, 2014
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Mapleleaf4ever ( member #37090) posted at 7:59 PM on Tuesday, November 18th, 2014
There are no words to express the gratitude that I feel to Nomad for taking the time to write this post. Have to bump this for all in JFO
ME-BH (52)
HER-WW (52)
Married 16 years,
together 20years
One beautiful daughter.
DDay #1 - 06 Apr 2011 EA
DDay #2 - 01 Feb 2012 LTA (4 yrs)
Divorced- Nov 2014
yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 8:29 PM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2015
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
SadButNotDead ( member #47486) posted at 10:11 PM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2015
Brilliant.....
Concise and eloquent...... And objective.
Eyes wide open I'd say.
I am now more aware I am in the 'high risk' ratio for now.
Thanks for your insight because knowledge is power.
Me: BW 40ish
Him: fWH 40ish
Almost 20 years together
DS: 9 DD: 7
DoubleBetrayal DDay: July 2014 (6 month EA/PA)
TT DDay: May 2015
July 2015: Ready to R (at least 95% convinced)
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:15 PM on Wednesday, May 20th, 2015
I hadn't read this before. At least, I don't remember it. I thought it was a new thread until I saw the posting dates.
I hope this is in the Healing Library. I don't remember seeing it there.
Excellent.
ETA: I guess I did read it since I bumped it last November. So much for retention - something I used to excel at.
[This message edited by steadychevy at 9:34 PM, May 20th (Wednesday)]
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 1:09 PM on Thursday, May 21st, 2015
Ahhhh. . . . what a wonderful gift to receive this morning 
Thank you, Nomad for summarizing so well the many, many important points we all should be aware of as we begin and endure this journey.
Printed and tacked to the bulletin board to re-read as many times as I need.
BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled
yearsofpain25 ( member #42012) posted at 8:18 PM on Friday, August 14th, 2015
"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll
CanoeVA ( member #46071) posted at 2:58 PM on Friday, October 30th, 2015
Me = BH
fWW- 2014 affair most of year; EA Feb/March became PA April until DDay
Married 1986
DDay- 12/08/14
2 adult children, mid 20s
OM = Wife's best friend's brother
We're both working on R
trustedg ( member #44465) posted at 2:35 AM on Saturday, October 31st, 2015
Excellent. We (BS) all need to read this over and over.
Me BWHim WH DDay 12/2012Married a long time, in R
16forever ( member #37255) posted at 4:48 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2015
I think this is something I have been needing to read .I don't really know were I stand in my life rite now but I will visit this post often.
Me:40
Him:45
3 awesome kids and 2 grandsons
brokenpromises ( member #49668) posted at 5:33 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2015
Wow. After a rough week, I so needed to read this. It has given me some hope and a much needed (gentle) 2x4 about never understanding why WH chose to do what he did. I'll still struggle with that for a long time, I'm sure, but after reading this I think someday I will come to accept that I will never know and learn to be okay anyway.
Me: BW (31)
Him: WH (30) (dontlosehope)
DDay 1: 8/10/15
DDay 2: 9/18/15
Married 2011
3 yr old daughter
Attempting R.
***
"It always seems impossible until it's done." Nelson Mandela
FealingStupid2x ( member #50040) posted at 10:36 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2015
OMG 2,3,4,5,6 wish I had this info fourteen years ago there may not have been a DDay #2 I thought I had fixed our problems and I had done nothing to prevent the repeat.
But he needed to change.
BS 43; WH 53;
D-day #1 2001;
D-day #2 8-22-15;
4 kids youngest 16;
forgivingishard ( member #44848) posted at 11:00 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2015
Me: BW early 40's
Him: FWH early 40's
Married 16 years; Together 19 years
3 Children (10, 8 & a baby) who deserve better
LTA - MOW
DD 1/31/14, TT 3/?/14, TT 11/27/14
FeelLikeCrying ( new member #49788) posted at 11:47 PM on Saturday, October 31st, 2015
Confronting but helpful! Thanks 
Me: BS
Him: WS
Dday: Begin Sept 2015
Thank you all for your support <3
janedope ( new member #49389) posted at 12:00 AM on Sunday, November 1st, 2015
Completely fantastic thinking. Thank you so much. I feel like maybe there is hope for me after reading this.
Married 29 years
WH: serial adulterer
2 grown children
Final Dealbreaker DD: June 2015
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