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Heartbroken4Good ( member #47212) posted at 6:57 PM on Sunday, November 1st, 2015
This is wonderful, I got so much out of reading it. It's especially powerful to have each proposition separated out as its own post, so that each can be savored on it own.
Seriously, this is one of the most helpful things I've read on SI, kudos to nomadlady!
Me, BW, early 50s Him, WH, same
Married 30+ years, 3 amazing kids
EA/PA with CoW (one AP)
DDay#1 07/2014 , TT, False R, NC
DDay#2 07/2014 Broke NC
DDay#3 04/2015 EA was a PA (1x)
DDay#4 06/2015 PA had restarted 02/2015
DDay#5 10/2015 secret
HobbesTheTiger ( member #41477) posted at 3:00 PM on Monday, January 4th, 2016
NikkiK ( member #50631) posted at 3:32 PM on Monday, January 4th, 2016
Thank you for this... very helpful, amazing read.
Me- BW, 35; Him- fWH, 33
Married 10 years in Sept. 2018
6 yr old daughter
DD- 10/24/15, 2 year EA
Working on reconciliation, good days outnumber the bad, but I still feel lost a lot of the time
Separated- 11/2015
Reconciled- 5/2016-present
HandandHeart ( member #50774) posted at 3:55 AM on Tuesday, January 5th, 2016
What would I tell my 18 year old daughter or 21 year old son to do if confronted with this situation? Cut your losses. Move on. This person is not good enough for you. But is that because it is hypothetical and none of the emotion is there? None of the connection? None of the history, good and bad? It is so easy to decide what you want when given a hypothetical scenario; real life decision making is gut wrenching work. When do you know?
Me: 45
WH: 47
Married 25 years
2 college aged kids: son 21, daughter 18
D-day Dec 5, 2015
Separated; headed for divorce Jan 21, 2016
I don't know where I am headed... but I'm driving.
Opinionsplease ( member #47624) posted at 6:21 PM on Tuesday, January 5th, 2016
Bump. Have been through Dday2 and the part about risks couldn't be better.
tl502 ( member #42607) posted at 10:35 AM on Friday, May 6th, 2016
Married 35 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together
PatchworkBoy87 ( member #50216) posted at 10:52 AM on Friday, May 6th, 2016
How is this not a sticky yet? They're very good reminders for any BS out there.
BH: 28, WW: 25
Relationship: 2008-2015
Married: 1 year 11 months as point of DDay
DDay: 14th March 2015
D: Pending
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 11:16 AM on Friday, May 6th, 2016
How is this not a sticky yet?
Because we only Sticky threads that are staff related. 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
MissedRedFlags ( member #43344) posted at 2:52 PM on Sunday, June 5th, 2016
Me: BS 44
Him: WH 43
7 year LTA, DDay 1: June 4, 2013
DDay2: 6/5/16-Same OW
DDay3: 8/19/16-Same OW
DDay4: 8/1/17--found OW stalking me here at SI
Married 20 years
2 kids aged 14 & 12
Plan: get self out of infidelity
notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 5:33 PM on Tuesday, June 14th, 2016
Me: 55 BH Her: 52 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 23, 21, 18, 15 DS
Hawke ( member #47517) posted at 5:43 PM on Tuesday, June 14th, 2016
This is a great thread.
#5 took me a long time to figure out!
Thanks to nomadlady and the people who have been bumping this.
Me: BS (b. '75)
Him: exWS (b. '76)
D-Day: April 2015
Together 10 years
2 kids: 2011 and 2014
Separated (no divorce required for common law couple in my jurisdiction)
jtom ( member #35322) posted at 7:00 PM on Tuesday, June 14th, 2016
Should be read by all B/S. Thanks !
ME(BH)HER(WW)LTA AT WORK.DISCOVERED AUGUST 2010. TWO SONS.DIVORCED HER. "THE BEST PREDICTER OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR"
Beachgirl528 ( member #52211) posted at 1:45 AM on Saturday, July 23rd, 2016
nomadlady,
Thank you for this. It is very helpful and so true.
Married 27 years
Me: 49 Ex SAWH 49
2 daughters ages 27 and 23
DD#1 2003 EA, DD#2 2014 discovery of 4 PA partners and 25+ EA partners.
Divorced 2017
william ( member #41986) posted at 1:11 PM on Saturday, July 23rd, 2016
would you be willing to repost this in the jfo forum so we can bump it when needed? many of the jfo coming in dont read the other forums and this should be essential reading for them.
me - bh
her - lara01
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
MadOldBat ( member #44146) posted at 1:29 PM on Thursday, April 13th, 2017
Keeping my chin(s) up whilst getting divorced.
mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 4:53 AM on Monday, May 15th, 2017
Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be
wannabenormal ( member #19772) posted at 5:04 AM on Monday, May 15th, 2017
I agree. I thought the A was my fault; I was even led to believe so (I HAD put on a few pounds, I was too much of this or not enough that) but the reality was; my spouse sucked and cheated.
Sadly people don't get married and really plan to stay so forever. We have this easy way when things get tough (and by tough, I mean like slightly unpleasant - not hardcore TOUGH).
It can happen to anyone and it makes me sad that a lot of people aren't in it for the long-haul because it's just, like, a lot of work.
Guess what? LIFE is work!
iamanidiot ( member #47257) posted at 11:49 AM on Monday, October 23rd, 2017
I didn't have much of a chance... Only found out 30 years later.
The suspicions I harboured those days really effed up what could have been an awesome marriage.
Note to self: Stop on the 'could-have-beens'.
Nevertheless our life turned out great, friends envy our relationship, as do our adult children.
That said since DDay I have been thru hell.
Now I am on the other side and I'm good!!
I think this thread is great advice so I'm bumping it.
Good luck All.
Me BS,57 Her WS,552 LTA & 2 ONS 30+years agoD-day 27/12/14At least I still have my sense of humor.I need it.Coming to grips with it all3 Adult childrenStill married
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 1:49 AM on Monday, April 16th, 2018
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
LtCdrLost ( member #63398) posted at 4:50 PM on Monday, April 16th, 2018
Many thanks. I'll read this later, I'm certain it's going to be helpful. The rabbit hole I'm going down right now is "What could I have done differently to prevent the stbxw from straying?" I know, I know... Probably nothing. But where I'm at specifically is A: What if one or both her miscarried babies had gone to term, or B: What if I had pressed harder to keep trying & there were one or more children in the house? Would that have kept her legs closed? I can't know that, can I?
Formerly banned as Hiram, a fraud and liar.
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