SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Like always, we're here to present options. You have to do what you consider to be the best thing for you and for your kids. Take what you need and leave the rest.

I too, like the new plan that, since she has the kids all Sunday to herself, you and the kids go and do something together without her. You need YOU time with your children. And she's breaking up your family, so there is no more "family" time as an organized thing. You'll be doing enough "family" things getting the kids to bed, off to school, etc.

Good job. Stay strong!

Hi. I strongly suggest you, after talking to a lawyer, set up family counselling for the children. It will help them immensely and hopefully look good in potential custody disputes.

Carry a VAR at all times. Document everything, for custody purposes. It could get ugly and your kids need you as much as possible.

Best wishes to you!

Happy New Year everyone.

New Year, New Beginnings!

So,I will be going home tonight after work and the in-house seperation begins.

Yesterday I left work to see my kids during lunch because they were sad.

My wife was at work.

She texted me when she good home "I know you don't want to talk to me, but you should have let me know you went to see the kids"

I did not respond.

She calls, I talk to the kids, she says the same thing.

I told her My kids needed me and I wanted to see them.

She says,"I was crying all day at work, it would have been nice if you would have let me know".

I said I needed to to this for me.

She says,so this is how it's going to be. "Click" she hung up. I did not speak to her after that.

She is losing control. I am not F*$king around anymore.

I know I am strong now, since I have been away from her. I will be doing the 180 and not allow myself to slip.

I will be setting some boundaries.

Right now I feel like she is Stupid!!

Good job!

Right now I feel like she is Stupid!!

You would be correct sir.

At this moment my hope reconciliation. If she came to me and said, I screwed up royally, I am not in love with the OM and I am willing to do what it takes.

Do I still not talk to her?

Do we slowly work on the R?

What is the appropriate course of action?

180???

Thanks

Felco there IS no appropriate course of action with all this.

What do you want to do?

Actions are louder than words. Even if she came to you and said all this, do her actions match her words?

Again....what do YOU want. She's shown you who she really is. When people do this, believe them.

k9

At this moment my hope reconciliation. If she came to me and said, I screwed up royally, I am not in love with the OM and I am willing to do what it takes.

Felco,

I am very cynical, as I heard these very pretty words several times for over a year--contradicted consistently. Please, please observe her actions--over a long period of time. These crimes are not to be forgiven easily, nor your trust easily won back.

Be strong and unwavering in what you want and deserve in your marriage.

If she hasn't done this, then please don't spend time daydreaming about it. Spend your time focusing on her selfish actions. So you're supposed to tell her when you see your kids, but she doesn't have to tell you that she's going to discuss the separation with them? They are your kids too, but she thinks she has some absolute right to them? Nope. Too bad if she was crying all day. How long have you been absolutely crushed while she tells you she loves someone else? And you're supposed to feel bad that she was crying?

This woman is a joke, and still has her head planted firmly up her own ass. Focus on that. Focus on this new year, and new you. With or without her, you will be a stronger, calmer, wonderful dad that knows his own worth.

Ask about that. Think about that. Don't spend time planning how you'll react to her about-face. If it comes, you don't know how it will come, and right now you need to keep getting yourself right mentally. Don't fall for her stupid high school games.

"Oh, Felco, I've been crying all day. It would have been nice to know you went to see the kids." LMAO - so she was crying because the kids were with the nanny? She must cry a lot.

Tell her she should keep kleenex on her desk and focus on the kids.

Right now, any words that she says that are not directly relevant to child care or finances, should be words written on the wind and paid just as much attention to. Because she is going to twist and turn, like a fish on a line, to try to get you to be her personal fall-back position until the time that Her Flame Can Twine With Her Beloved Prick. Lots of noise and fury that signify less than nothing.

If, IF, she really wanted to pursue true R with you, she knows the bare minimums that she needs to do. Words are cheap. Actions are the only "words" that count right now. And frankly, even if she were to turn completely around and do everything that is recommended for R, that is YOUR gift to extend or not. It's not a decision that she can make to keep the family together. It's a gift that you can choose to extend or not, to someone who has stuck a knife through this family.

If she comes whining to you about how unhappy she is, just refer her to the Flaming Asshole and tell her to take her troubles to him. She fired you from being husband. Let her seek out the comfort of the cosmos.

If she comes whining to you about how unhappy she is, just refer her to the Flaming Asshole and tell her to take her troubles to him. She fired you from being husband. Let her seek out the comfort of the cosmos.

It's true---it is not your responsibility to make her happy.....it never was.

Talk is cheap---and you don't even have that yet. It is her actions that will let you know what she is thinking.

Well, I got upset and did not stay with the 180 . I let me emotions get the best of me.

She still is 100% convinced of this true love.

So, it is over. There is nothing that will save her.

What are VARS?

Well, I got upset and did not stay with the 180 . I let me emotions get the best of me.

It's fine. Almost no one does the 180 correctly in the beginning. If you do something you feel you shouldn't have done then start the 180 right back up again.

VAR = voice activated recorder. Basically you keep one with you for YOUR protection. There are plenty of stories of WS's filing false domestic violence charges. You can get them fairly cheap at a local electronics store like Best Buy or Radio Shack.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 7:36 AM, January 2nd (Thursday)]

Perhaps a reality check is in order for her, at this point.

She's so convinced of her "twin flame" thing that it might be time for her to be told, "Fine. He's your twin flame. Go to him. You can't have it both ways. I'm not your fallback plan, and I'm not an option as long as you're mooning over your puerile heartthrob. I've packed a few necessities for you. The kids and I will be out on Saturday from 3-5; you can come get the rest of your belongings then. Leave your boyfriend at home, though--because when the kids and I get back, we will sit down together and explain to them that Mommy will not be living with us any more because she'd rather live with her Twin Flame. No, no--don't worry. You can have visitation. What? Crying? Well, yes, it's always sad when you make bad choices; I'd hoped you'd see how very foolish this is long before now. Here, I'll help you carry the bags to the car; I assume your Twin Flame will be available to carry them in to your new home with him. What? He says you can't move in 'yet?' Oh, that's too bad. Because it sends a confusing and damaging message to our children that their mother is living here while in love with another man---and I can't let that ongoing damage continue; they deserve better. I guess a hotel it is! Maybe you can find one of those residence inns until you find a rental you can afford. Oh---you'll need to use your own credit card, though; I've canceled the joint credit cards."

You have seen that you can't "nice" her back.

Now it's time to show her some consequences.

Edited to clarify: I am not suggesting that you tell the kids that Mom would rather live with another man; I am suggesting showing HER that that is the decision she's making. (I would tell the kids that Mom broke a promise that is very important in marriage, or something along those lines, depending on their ages.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:57 AM, January 2nd (Thursday)]

Hey Felco,

You are doing great. If you fall off the 180 horse, you can keep getting right back on.

If she came to me and said, I screwed up royally, I am not in love with the OM and I am willing to do what it takes.

My H said this, all the while still in contact with filthy skank. So I would proceed with caution. No R is better than false R. Take care.

E.

You have every right to see your kids whenever you want. What makes your WW think you have to check with her first.

Your WW needs a reality check. Go ahead and file. Let her see that you mean bussiness.

You can always cancell if she wakes up.

If I were trying to work with my WS and his AP's husband was dumping her because she was still hot for my husband, I would appreciate knowing that. I would expect my WH to send a NC letter if he hasn't already and request a transfer to another dept and to start looking for another job. This would be helpful to the other BS since having an ice cold glass of 'get off me b*tch' thrown in her face might help wake her up. Have you thought about (gently) contacting his wife and offering her this info. She might not care, but she may.

I am sorry if I missed posts that updated that the OM is no longer w/his BS. I read the OP and first page or so of posts, then the most current ones.

I hope this new year is good to you.

On a side note, those are your kids, why on earth does she think you need to inform her you saw them at daycare. Her crying all day at work over it is her drama. Ugh- sorry!

[This message edited by Sharpie4 at 8:42 AM, January 2nd (Thursday)]

My WW is so convinced about this Twin Flames that I am now thinking it is true. She has not changed her story or actions about it one bit.

I guess I must cut my losses. My heart is so broke.

I asked her if she wanted or was trying to get out of the marriage prior to this and she said no.

She got her green card less than a year ago and needs to be married to me for two years to keep it valid so divorcing would not be the best option. We will have to do a legal separation.

I told her I think she is not right and she is sick. She denies it because she feels that she has been honest and true to her feelings. I don't think there is hope, my flame is almost out.

She was looking up this guy Brian Weiss, anyone heard of him?

She got her green card less than a year ago and needs to be married to me for two years to keep it valid

I *get* that there are practical considerations here since you have kids together......but this really does fall under the *tough shit, actions have consequences* heading. Let her TwinFlame sponsor her......