thanks for your support everyone.
this is really rough to go through. id not wish it on my worst enemy.
my wife went to the hospital for a pee test to check on the pregnancy. its possible, so her dr. says, that a flu could throw off the results. in any case we will know on monday. if so, we will get an abortion (we are in no position to have another child right now). our false R was destroyed by a previous abortion - it really messed up her mind (and rightfully so) and she reacted with anger towards me and i responded with emotional distance. this time i am going to be there for her so she knows 100% that we are in this together. that we are able to handle things together, as a team or couple, rather than allowing difficulties to push us apart. we are both very nervous and she is very scared.
the revelation about her brother sparked an argument between us. we argued about
1:the list
she has decided to commit again to getting the list done quicker. she is working on it today at work and is also planning to work extensively on it this weekend. to help her i am going to go out to the park with our daughter for some hours so she has the time to get it done. she hopes to have it done on monday.
she says the list is detailed now. she is re-working it so the euphemisms are gone ("we touched" will be replaced by a more accurate "i gave him oral sex" or whatever statement) which is very good because hearing a vague euphemism that downplayed whatever happened only meant that i had to ask lots of questions which then made me feel like an inquisitor and made her feel like she was being grilled. much better to just have the truth sitting there neatly rather than being forced to dig for it which made a terrible situation even more excruciating.
she says there are some bombshells still left. nothing new but details. she said she had been minimizing stuff, both to herself and to me. she says that looking at the list as she compiles it is very painful to her and also scares her (how much there was). i can understand being scared of this list. it scares the sh1t out of me too and i havent seen it.
2: that there were other things that she had promised to do that havent even been started yet.
for example:
- a timeline (putting this massive list into some chronological order).
- a picture of each of these guys (the thought of being near them and they knowing who i am but me not knowing who they are has really been bothering me) and details about them such as where they live, work, how she got to know them, etc. she has since started compiling some of this information for me.
3: that i seriously planned on physically hurting each and every single one of these guys.
i felt that they started a game with me and my family without telling me and devised a set of rules to suit themselves. i felt it was fair to start my own game, with my own rules, and not tell them. frankly i was planning on killing them. all of them. slowly.
however, my wife has convinced me that i would (probably) eventually get caught and then that would leave both of my children without a father - which would be me and them paying a price for her shitty actions. her words sunk in and ive decided not to do it. they could have been anyone, there was nothing special about them, they were nobodies. its not worth risking my kids futures for a dozen nobodies.
4: i brought up a marriage agreement to be drafted by a lawyer in a few months. this agreement would state that if she ever behaves in an inappropriate manner with anyone ever again (covering EVERYTHING from flirting all the way up to sexual acts) then she will lose 100% custody of our daughter (my son lives with his mom in germany) and all visitation rights would be at my discretion and would be supervised. i have realized that its the right thing to do. when my wife flipped she did some crazy sh1t. sh1t that put my daughter at risk.
- she met guy 4 (the one who worked at the family business and kissed her) at the pool with my daughter.
- she had ONS 1 near our house and brought our daughter to her work where she met him (although he wasnt there BUT the guy who was there is a SLUT who cheats on his bf all the time).
- she brought LTA guy into our house.
- she told each guy she met about our daughter.
- for almost 2 years, each time she had a choice to spend time with our daughter (forget about me, just our daughter) she very often chose instead to spend the time away.
- that for almost 2 years she was always angry and screaming (not just at me but also our daughter).
- that she was sexting on her phone when with our daughter.
- that she considered more than once drinking while with our daughter but didnt.
thats just a sample. its sufficient, imo, to warrant me feeling that if she goes off the cliff again then she might go all the way off ... again. in which case i need to worry about protecting my daughter from an out of control mother.
bringing this up made me feel terrible. its a really vile thing to have to tell someone, especially someone that you love, that if X happens again then they wont be seeing their daughter again. my wife says since it will never happen again that she is willing to sign such a document. however, this was really rough on my wife. she cried. its probably alot like infidelity itself, its not nice to tell but its probably alot worse to hear about. sigh...
so thats the latest :(