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lonely2009 (original poster member #26370) posted at 2:53 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I wasn't going to post because anyone who know me IRL will now know that I am here. But, I need to hear from others who have experienced the same thing.
My beautiful 24YO son died unexpectedly in his sleep. His wife of one year, was due to give birth just four days after his death.
He died two days before Christmas , his autopsy was on Christmas and he was buried two days later. CHristmas season will never be the same.
My first and only grandchild was born early January.
I am still processing his death and have no interest in seeing grandchild just yet. Most don't understand this. Keep saying GC is a blessing.No, having my son is a blessing. Plus, my GC lives 1500 miles away and my DIL and I were never close and it is very awkward.
Found a box with all of my previous Mother's Day cards, BD cards, etc. Can barely breathe.
How do my DH and I process.
BS- Me -young at heart
FWH- AARP Eligible
M - Over a quarter of a century
DDay - 9-14-09
R - going full steam ahead
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:54 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
((((Hugs))))
My condolences on the loss of your son.
gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 3:01 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Exit Wounds ( member #32811) posted at 3:03 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I am SO sorry! You and your husband and your entire family are in my prayers. I have no advice, just want to tell you I am here if you need to talk. PM me if you want to talk...anytime.
I have no words...I am so sorry!
Exit WoundsH of 17 years got gf pregnant, left our kids 9 & 11 and we never saw him again. -His choice.
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 3:04 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I am so sorry. ((lonely))
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
ISPIFFD ( member #26367) posted at 3:06 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
Ohhhhh, so many hugs for you!!!!!
I'm done here; sick of 2 x 4s
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 3:06 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you strength and plenty of (((HUGS))) 
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 3:09 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
There are no words for this pain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
(((lonely2008)
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 3:15 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
Failure is success if we learn from it.
meaniemouse ( member #10798) posted at 3:17 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
There are no words that can convey how sorry I am for your tremendous and unexpected loss. I can't imagine what you must be dealing with right now. My hope and prayer for you is that even as you grieve your son's passing you can be comforted by the love you had for each other and know that it never dies. Please take care and allow yourself to mourn in the way that is right for you. No one should make you feel like you have to do anything that adds to your pain and grief.
Wishing you strength and peace as you face what is ahead. 
Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James
wanauld ( member #19045) posted at 3:18 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I'm so very sorry. We lost our son in September in a car accident. He was the same age as yours. For me, I have to take the emotions as they come and lean on family and friends. Day by day, it get's "easier" to process, but the sadness lingers. It just takes time and lot's of it. There will be triggers, one moment you are having a "good" day and something will pop up, a reminder, that brings you to your knees in pain. You have to just feel it and talk about.
You may feel guilty at times, when you are having a decent day, and you stop and question yourself "why am I smiling? I should be sad." Again, you work your way through it.
Talk about him, talk to him, talk to yourself, talk to friends.
You'll find you are stronger than you think you are right now.
Again, so very sorry. I understand.
If you want closure, start with your legs.
betrayedfriend ( member #19785) posted at 3:19 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I am so very sorry for your loss and I can understand not knowing how to feel about the baby. I do think you have a chance to carry on a bond with your son by being his child's grandparent. But you have to take it at your own pace. My condolances to you, his wife and child.
I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 3:19 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
..
(((((((((lonely2009 and family/friends)))))))))
..sending prayers..
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 3:22 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. It's so incredibly unfair.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 3:29 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
lonely, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were some words to take some of the pain away but I know there aren't any.
wanauld, you are in my thoughts as well.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 3:29 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 3:34 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
(((lonely)))
"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB: 7/2/2014
whensitover ( member #31207) posted at 3:40 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I have no words....but sending you prayers and hugs and strength!! (((((lonely)))))
lonely2009 (original poster member #26370) posted at 3:45 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
thank you for all the hugs.
things I have learned thru this process:
1. I hate sympathy cards.
2. People have no idea what to say, so they say really inappropriate things, for example, at the funeral, a former coworker came up to me and started telling me about a great lunch he just with his DS. such a great talk they had. Good grief. like that was helpful.
3. MY DH and i are on the same page, in all aspects of our life. We
4. Life is so short, we are going to do what we want.
5. My DS's ashes are sitting on the front entry table. I say goodbye, hello and basically talk to him every day. I am very grateful my DIL was gracious to share his ashes with us.
BS- Me -young at heart
FWH- AARP Eligible
M - Over a quarter of a century
DDay - 9-14-09
R - going full steam ahead
Lionne ( member #25560) posted at 3:59 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I'm holding you in the LIGHT. I'm so sorry...
Me-BS-71 in May HIM-SAFWH-74 I just wanted a normal life.Normal trauma would have been appreciated.
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