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Survey: Who experienced hysterical bonding and who didn't?

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 shortchanged38 (original poster new member #42402) posted at 4:16 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Who experienced hysterical bonding (HB) and who didn't.

I want to have a gauge of how many of us BS go through HB.

Please participate so we can all have an idea.

Please one response per person so survey doesn't get sidelined with discussion.

The survey question is---

Have you experienced HB after DDay?

I'll start : NO

[This message edited by shortchanged38 at 1:22 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

Me 38
WS 36
OW Co-worker
A lasted 2 years total
DDay #1 1-3-13
DDay #2 4-15-13
D 1-10-14

posts: 15   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2014
id 6678557
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 shortchanged38 (original poster new member #42402) posted at 4:20 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Here is the healing library discussion on HB.

Upon being confronted with the undeniable reality that their most trusted spouse has betrayed them with another, some BS's experience an overwhelming sexual desire for their wayward spouse. Many couples claim to have had the best, most intense and loving sex of their relationship during the period following the discovery of an affair, (generally a few weeks to several months), often trying new things and experimenting in ways they had never considered before. This phenomenon is termed "Hysterical Bonding.

There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. While it may feel counter-intuitive to the BS; as if they are "rewarding" the WS for the affair, hysterical bonding can be a stepping stone to reconciliation. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build.

The occurrence or absence of hysterical bonding does not appear to be an indicator of successful reconciliation. Many other factors, such as the WS's remorse and openness are far more reliable indicators. Hysterical bonding is, however, normal, and nothing for the BS to be alarmed about or ashamed about experiencing. In fact, it has been said it is the one positive in an otherwise long and miserable experience, so enjoy it while it lasts!

Me 38
WS 36
OW Co-worker
A lasted 2 years total
DDay #1 1-3-13
DDay #2 4-15-13
D 1-10-14

posts: 15   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2014
id 6678560
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4everfaithful83 ( member #41761) posted at 4:23 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes!

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 36
1 doggie
DDay: June 24th, 2013
DDay 2 : August 22nd,2017

Left him August 26th, 2017

posts: 818   ·   registered: Dec. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6678562
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lostandhopless ( member #41568) posted at 4:25 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

NO

Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14

posts: 144   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2013
id 6678563
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kayaker55 ( member #41617) posted at 4:28 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

DD #1: YES

DD #2: NO

posts: 183   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2013
id 6678568
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BW2639 ( member #34875) posted at 4:29 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes. ...lasted a couple of months.

married 21 yrReconciling

posts: 234   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2012
id 6678569
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Lifechange ( member #28837) posted at 4:34 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes!

Can't remember exactly how long it lasted, but quite a while. Probably at least a year or more.

posts: 132   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010
id 6678575
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hpv50 ( member #39703) posted at 4:42 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yep! The HB lasted around two months for us, where we fought practically all day, and then HB'd each night.

Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 53, covert NPD/ BPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13
Status: relocated my happy; hanging in there for now

posts: 587   ·   registered: Jun. 29th, 2013
id 6678579
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scarednbroken ( member #41961) posted at 5:18 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

DDay 1 - yes

DDay 2-15 - no

BS: Me 47 WH: 54 Kids: 17, 19, 21, 32 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

posts: 423   ·   registered: Jan. 7th, 2014   ·   location: Midwest
id 6678598
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Gotmegood ( member #41407) posted at 5:24 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, briefly.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

posts: 764   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Florida
id 6678605
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Gotmegood ( member #41407) posted at 5:24 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, briefly.

Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

posts: 764   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Florida
id 6678606
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yoyoed2death ( new member #36348) posted at 5:25 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes

posts: 13   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2012
id 6678609
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DrivingPast ( member #32984) posted at 5:35 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes

BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

posts: 1304   ·   registered: Aug. 2nd, 2011
id 6678612
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doggiediva ( member #33806) posted at 5:38 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No with a capitol N..My WH was too much of a douchebag..

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

63 years young..

posts: 4078   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2011   ·   location: Texas
id 6678616
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totalheartbreak ( member #41589) posted at 5:41 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, few months

“You know hope is a mistake. If you can’t fix what’s broken, you’ll go insane.” - Max Rockatansky

The smart man divorces a lawyer.
The smarter man never marries one in the first place.

To her we were never worth the effort. :-/

posts: 200   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2013
id 6678620
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BrokenMomof2 ( member #41219) posted at 5:41 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, lasted about a month and a half for me.

Me: BS, 30
Him: WH, 31, 1 month EA & PA
Married 9 years
Kids: 2 perfect boys
D-day: Nov 3, 2013
Working on R

posts: 86   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: ND
id 6678623
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strangeasfiction ( member #42160) posted at 5:43 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Six weeks in. Nope.

Me - BS 39
Her - WW 34
Kids - 3 & 1
Married - 9 years
Status - FUBAR

posts: 211   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2014
id 6678628
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headdesk ( member #40787) posted at 6:07 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

No. Even though after the first initial fuck up of TTing he did everything like a model remorseful H, I would have broken out the rusty scissors if he'd even thought of touching me.

Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

posts: 273   ·   registered: Sep. 25th, 2013
id 6678651
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flayed ( member #41875) posted at 6:08 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes, 2 1/2 months

BS(Me)-39
WH-39
Married 13 yrs, Together 19 yrs
4 kids under 8
2 yr LTA
DDay- Oct.29, 2013

posts: 90   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2014
id 6678652
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Uhtred ( member #40392) posted at 6:14 AM on Monday, February 10th, 2014

Yes for about 6 weeks with a drop off after that. It's a phenomena that is so strange. I remember asking myself what the hell was wrong with me for wanting to have sex with my ww.

Me: BH 38years old DDay 4-29-13Her: FWW 39

posts: 669   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2013   ·   location: Houston, Texas
id 6678655
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