SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If it will make you feel better, go have sex with someone else. That's pure love and devotion.

Saving my spot so I can find this later!

Quick suggestion: a chapter about how some cheaters feel so guilty they think you must be up to something to!

i mean this in a positive manner and in NO WAY negative.

you all laugh about this idea as if its funny.

grim yet witty chapter names, presumably learned the hard way through having dealt with this and been through it yourselves.

i am an author. i have connections with publishing houses. if you all got serious about a "cheaters handbook" .. examples - chapters on gaslighting, going underground, what idk or idr mean, etc ... i could ensure that it would land with favorable mention on a publishers desk for their review with an eye towards publication.

"You think just because we're married, you can tell me who to date!" (EAP filled his head with polyamory nonsense, and how I was using the kids to control him... And how selfish it was for me to not allow him to pursue other relationships. And how that proved I was just interested in his money... And his dumb ass bought it all... )

We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."

RB, my H said those EXACT same words.

So, if they really thought we wouldn't care, why lie, lie, lie, and try so hard to cover it up? Dumbasses.

If it will make you feel better, go have sex with someone else. That's pure love and devotion.

CCC, yep, I got that one too, and that really destroyed me. To think they would actually want us to sleep with another man, just to "even the score". Fuckers.

heforgotme I got the "I was never going to leave you" line. Damn that one hurt. Seriously?!! Do they think before they open their mouths and then speak out their ass?!

Another chapter could be "I could tell her anything. She was like my best guy friend but a girl".

Or how about "I would vent to her about work and stuff so when I came home you didn't have to hear it".

Or..."I hid my phone from you because I know that you wouldn't let me be friends with her. Especially since we texted nonstop all day and night and hours of phone calls when you weren't close by".

I bet if someone wrote it, people would buy it.

If we're divvying up the chapters, I'll take:

* It was an accident,

* It's All in Your Head (subtitle: You're Just As Crazy as Your Mother/Father!),

* I Think You Must Be Cheating! and

* The Art of Gaslighting

The title:

How To Destroy Your Marriage In 10 Easy Steps: A Cheater's Manual

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 7:43 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]

William, I am serious. I would like to create the book. Maybe if we can get some seasoned SI vets to compose the whole thing, from start to finish, we can get it published and give awareness to infidelity and it's destruction. Maybe we can help people who don't have access or know how to search on Internet forums.

Infidelity isn't this thing we should bat our eyes it. It destroys homes, tears apart families and causes a lot of emotional havoc. I believe if more BSes would know what to do after a DDay, then more marriages would be saved.

I have had fantasies of speaking on a public forum like Katie Couric or something like that and starting support groups across the country.... Oh the things I would do if I won the lottery.

The Art of Trickle Truth...How to Inflict the Most Pain Possible...

DDay...I only slept with her twice.

Two months later: I only slept with her five times.

One month later: The affair was 7 years long.

I just wanted to feel wanted and needed. (Yeah, so did I)

I didn't think you would ever find out, I was never going to leave you, I'm selfish, I tried to stop...all gems I've heard as well. And of course...

Projection: How to do it Right.

Maybe you would feel better if you slept with someone else and I didn't think you loved or wanted me anymore. Truly, all time greats that never go out of style.

My favorite: You weren't giving me enough sex, but now that I've been caught you are the most beautiful woman with the most beautiful body and NOBODY can please me like you. (SIGH).

We need to be sure to include "I didn't think you loved me anymore and wouldn't care."

RB, my H said those EXACT same words.

Mine too. Word for word. There should be a special chapter for the things they ALL say.

heforgotme I got the "I was never going to leave you" line. Damn that one hurt. Seriously?!! Do they think before they open their mouths and then speak out their ass?!

I know. And he told me he made a point of telling AP this. Wow honey, thanks for standing up for me.

To include under the Valid Justifications chapter:

"she reminds me so much of you"

"you cooked corn-on-the-cob and after 18 years of eating corn-on-the-cob I don't like it so that's why I cheated the same night you cooked it" yes, he said that

"she is just like me!" (meaning WS) notice how it contradicts with point one?

To include under Comments So Stupid You Can't Comprehend Them chapter

"but she likes sleeping with women too" to which I replied "I don't, so what's your point"

"you'd be such great friends"

"she'd make a great roommate"

and my personal favorite: "one day we'll look back on this and laugh"

But what is sad is the WS would never recognize themselves in the pages of the book...because ya know their love is real and no one else in the book really loves their AP the same way.

[This message edited by TheRealDeal at 12:09 PM, February 13th (Thursday)]

Yep, all these ring a bell!

Don't forget (after all the TT about being just friends, never touched/hugged/kissed to FINALLY admitting PA) the chapter on protected sex. In fWH's case though, it wasn't necessary because OW had tubes tied (supposedly) so there was no chance of pregnancy. STD's? Oh, my never - because she was a "nice person" . . .

Oh, and the chapter on how OW/OM's spouse is physically/verbally abusive. Classic!

Chapter: Well, if you won't have sex with me anymore, I might as well keep doing it with the AP

Don't forget the classics like:

"It was just glorified phone sex."

"Why can't I still be friends with her? "

"I wasn't planning marrying her. I already had a wife and kids."

"I don't think I could've gone through with having sex with her. "

And my all time favorite...

"I always imagined it was you when I was sexting her."

Geez...I feel good now.

I know this is probably the biggest mistake of my life..but I have feelings for the girl...

If you need to ask a man what is going on and they reply "We are just friends." Chances are they are lying and cheating. No married man needs to be "just friends" with another woman.

State, "Bullshit. But-that is okay...you can be "just friends" just not married to me too."

Don't trust them girls...no matter how long you have been married, no matter how great they are, no matter if they never gave you a reason to never trust them before, no matter how happy you two are, no matter how long they chased you, no matter if he is your best friend, no matter how much you love them, no matter if you were sweethearts forever.

Your instincts are right.

But, seriously:

Someone should write it. There are so many from a MD's point of view. There needs to be one from a BS point of view.

" I didn't say I loved her"

" Well, I didn't mean it so it's like I didn't say it"