Well, no. 1, I haven't replied to my WW at all. I had two missed calls from her a 2/3 hours ago too. I let them go to voicemail. No message.
We've promised our boy we'd take him to the fair tonight so we will. Conversation (between my WW and I) will be kept to an absolute minimum. I'm not going to let my guard down again, as I did this time yesterday.
I absolutely guarantee my WW will go back to her AP tonight. In fact, if she tries not to I'll open the front door again and invite her to leave.
I haven't been able to speak to my solicitor today. Frankly, I can't afford to. Granted, I can't afford not to but don't despair, I've called the Citizens Advice Bureau and am waiting for a call back to arrange a face-to-face appointment with one of their family law solicitors. They also have an excellent website which has given me some great advice.
Don't think either that my pitiful finances will prevent me from filing, when it comes to that. It won't. (Funnily enough, I've come into £750 unexpectedly this morning - not quite a life changing sum but the universe does work in mysterious ways).
Addressing some of your points...
@Red Sox Nation: Re the friend who apparently has covered for my wife's affair, I quite agree. But what I don't know is what she knows. For all I know, I wouldn't put it past my WW to have lied to me about leaving her car there and going over to the OM's that night (and that's not clutching at straws). She certainly was at his last night anyway. If I go to my son's club tomorrow after work, I'm likely to come into contact with the OM, my WW AND this 'friend' and her husband.
@UKgirl: I loved your 'personal pity party' comment. I have just let her get on with it. No contact from me whatsoever. I'll keep that 'script' in mind (though have no intention of actually using it).
@mike7: Your advice - as harsh as it is sometimes - makes me laugh the most (in a sick, black humour kind of way)
. And I need all the laughs I can get. You are dead right. Especially about what would happen if she believed I didn't want her any more. She clearly was something special. I obviously wouldn't have married her had somebody had a crystal ball handy.
@allatsea: Wow! Speechless! I'm proud. Your smileys also made me laugh, so thank you
@Badhurt: What can I say? Except I don't mean to be using my son as an excuse. I will go away and think about that one. A new perspective, thanks.
@confused615: I know. And I am standing by the ultimatum about going back to him.
@Red Sox (again): Another great new perspective. I hadn't seen it like that but you're right. I'm not stupid and know any intimacy we had weeks ago left her feeling like she was being unfaithful to him. I'm going to do my best to appear OK to my WW from this point on.
@Abbondad: X-ray vision. Perfect.
@Bigger: Thanks for commenting - I highly value your advice. Brilliant analogy as ever. I'm going to do my best to 'leave the movie'. I saw the effect yesterday of sticking to the concept of 'you've now left me' and discussing only the practicalities of separation. I can't say I'm not still asking myself, 'why did she do it?', from time to time but one difference I have noticed - I have no interest in snooping any more. I know enough.
@UKgirl (again): Thank you for the psychological analysis - very useful. I can totally see that happening. I will try to take your advice before I fire off any more texts.
@tushnurse: I don't think I'm doing the opposite of everything you all are telling me. I've had a minor setback re the solicitor but as soon as I've had a few questions answered, I'll be back onto my actual solicitor. Might take a couple of days, that's all (as frustrating as it is for me as it is for you to read about). I am going to see my WW this evening, no avoiding that, but I promise you I will keep conversation to an absolute minimum. If there is any talking, I'll do the listening this time. Then send her back to her boyfriend.
@Jduff: Thank you. I also cherish my time with my DS though I confess to having been less patient with him a couple of times since this first began. And none of this is his fault. He absolutely deserves one steady parent. And I think I've done a good job (nothing out of the ordinary) since my WW walked out.
@craig2001: There's not a snowball's chance in hell that my WW will go into IC. In fact, the snowball has a better chance. Good question about looking around our house and realising what she'd be losing. I have no idea what's changed as I don't know (and neither does she) where the truth ends and the lies begin. Her parents DO know what's going on though I've noticed my MIL being slightly more 'standoffish' in the last week. The only contact has been by text (I'm playing my cards closer to my chest) and hers have been very brief and vague, e.g. 'God, what a mess eh! Take care xx'
@finallymefirst: First class advice, thank you. I know you're right about removing myself. Exit stage left. What you said about my WW wasting a wonderful stage of our son's life is oh so true. You have my word I'm going to do my 'best impression' of NC and the 180.
[This message edited by saveus at 9:49 AM, May 19th (Monday)]