SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My BH says that he doesn't know what he would do if he saw my AP. He says that he would probably hit him or something. I obviously don't want him to go to jail for assault. He sometimes says that it is just a fantasy that he has, but he doesn't know how he would react if he saw him in real life. Have any of your BS's physically hurt the AP?

When I tell my BH that I am concerned about that, he says "Why weren't you thinking about this while you were having your A?" I wasn't thinking of consequences, that's for sure.

I feel especially concerned about 2 weekends from now. BH is going to his college with some friends and AP/OBS went to this college too. They have gone to see games there, so there is always a chance, albeit a slim chance that they could be there at the same time and that BH will see them.

I don't think that he would ever do something like that, but I wanted to hear from others about their experiences.

[This message edited by pizzalover at 6:05 PM, September 14th (Sunday)]

I did go after AP twice physically. Once in public and once at her home.

Yes mine did twice, and I am sure if given the opportunity will do it again.

Would relish the opportunity.........wrong I know

He vandalized his car, threatened him to no end, ran by his house with w knife and said he would have killed him had he been outside. Said its 50/50 whether or not he would kill him if he saw him and had a gun. I'm guessing OM figured this out and it's one of the reasons he left town.

Not your fight though.

BS here. I don't know what I would do. I don't want to go to jail but I want him harmed. Funny thing though, well not so funny, I don't want my WW harmed and she is 90% to blame for falling for seduction from POSOM. He taught judo classes, I did not. Probably come out physical loser. However, the thought has crossed my mind that if I could get him to strike me and cause some (healable) damage then he might go to jail. I am trying in all sorts of ways to make him pay. I don't trust karma. My WW is paying dearly from her anguish. I don't want him to get off scott free but he is probably going to.

No...but if he had the chance I know he would.

BS here. I did. I punched AP right in the face and knocked her on her butt. I have no regrets.

I know violence is not the answer, I'm not a violent person, but I would do it again if I had the chance. My only regret is that I didn't knock out a tooth or break a nose.

Flatlined - I know it's wrong but you are my hero. I would so love to do this. It's not because I'm jealous of OW or mad she tried to "steal my man." Let's face it, he is no prize and definitely not worth getting arrested for. But I'm pissed that everyone EXCEPT her has paid a price for this. I'm pissed that my kids were affected. I'm pissed about all the money that was spent. She's just gotten to skip off as though nothing was wrong. She got some great trips and LV luggage, a diamond bracelet and a cheesy looking but expensive watch out of it.

My friends who know about it have a pact with me: If we are ever out and run into her, they will help me spill a cold sticky drink on her. Also, my favorite fantasy is to walk up to her, tell her "I hope you can run in those shoes. I'll give you a 3 second head start." And then just chase her down the street and throw a shoe at her.

Obviously, it's not healthy to feel like this. But I think it's probably a very natural part of the healing process.

General reminder that the WS forum is not for BSs to vent about the OP.

Please stick to the original poster's question.

Thank you.

I am the BS. I never did and never would. I am a pacifist by choice. However, the violent thoughts and images that have run through my mind are very vivid and frightening.

Infidelity is such a visceral attack on us. It threatens us at such a primal level. I don't condone, but truly understand where the physical attacks have there incarnation.

As a BW, I would not go after the ow. I don't see how this is any more her fault than it is my h's fault. If I was to go after her and beat her, I would likely want to go after him as well.

And, I'm not a pasifist at all. Just seems like if it would be wrong to place all the blame on here. She didn't hold a gun to my husband's head. He went into it quite willingly.

BGF here-- I started to go after the AP once, years ago, before she was even an AP(We have, obviously, never been friends), and was brought up short by a few well-timed words-- Were I in the same room as her right now, I'd go after her with zero hesitation. She was the one to tell me about the A on D-Day, and since then, I've had more dreams than I can count about pressing her face into the brick of the building where we stood and grinding her against it until she was hamburger. Given ten minutes of free rein, I would do things to her that violate the Geneva convention.

Or so I like to think.

I have a rather violent history, and AP knew that(or a degree of it, at least) when she told me about the A. While I stood there and shook, she said, "I'm surprised you haven't slit my throat." I remember the force it took me to raise my eyes to hers before I replied, "I should, but I'm better than you."

I didn't go after the OM as he was 2000 miles away. Had he been closer there is no doubt that I would have went after him. There was so much rage that there is no telling what might have happened. Most likely it would have involved a Louisville Slugger and his leg.

I guess in the long run that I am glad he didn't live nearby where there would always be a chance of seeing him one day.

My H wanted to. As the OM is 5-6 inches taller and maybe 50lbs heavier I think he thought better of it. No idea if he ever thought about going after him with a weapon, but probably---I saw some violent Google searches that came up on my account after I'd moved out as my account was still open on his computer before I shut it down.

BS here I have not caused him physical harm because he has not left his moms house since dday. But mine is a special case I am going to break his face for putting my kids in danger..

OBS physically stalked my husband and verbally threatened my life and my children's lives. He never physically carried out any violence against my husband, but I am not sure he would've held back against me (or maybe my children... I would hope not them, but I heard the threats and am not sure) if he knew where we lived. He wanted my husband to hurt badly, and physical pain wasn't enough.

No, my husband didn't think about consequences.

BGF here. I have no desire to cause physical harm. I want to cause emotional distress. I dream about sitting in meetings with her just to watch her squirm. Even better if I can ask questions regarding morals or ethics. (We both work for the same hospital facility.)

My BH didn't. Though he did have a few opportunities and my AP did try to goad him into a fight. My BH did get him fired though and AP has since been arrested multiple times.

On dday, I was 16. I was the one that found out and had just told my father everything. Things got quiet in the house. Too quiet. I went out to the garage and found my father with my bat and his car keys. He was on his way over to OM's house. In the span of 15 minutes I watched the life drain out of my father when I told him about the A change to seething rage. My father also had a dark past and I have no doubt that if I had not been there and got in his way he would have went to prison. I'm convinced of it.

That was also in the heat of the moment. Even with his dark past he never did go after OM because of the consequences as he would have lost my brother and I.

I think most BS's fantasize about it. Even I did between the ages of 16-18 going so far as to find out where he lived and who the other family members were. Possibly doing with my bat what my father didn't do.

I have been in a few scraps in my younger days. It takes a lot to get into a physical confrontation unless you have been hard wired for it and have a track record of it. Sure an A is all sorts of crazy making and can make some people do things they normally wouldn't do. But unless your BH has a track record of a physical violence, I wouldn't get too concerned. My father did see the OM in person a handful of times after the A was exposed. The A even continued mostly out in the open and my father knew and he still didn't go after him. IMO, when it comes down to it, someone has to be "pushed" again to come to blows or get physical. Especially if the BS has had time to think of the consequences.