SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Echo, I can't believe this is who he turned out to be. He is dead to me. Hollow. But god I miss his body. It didn't feel hollow.

Struggling to figure out who you were. Not to check your facebook. Every car that goes past I think its yours. Can't believe who you showed me you are. Your lack of compassion. Your lack of deep caring for anyone else. Your superficial emotionality and lack of deep affect. I was some kind of obsessive figure to you you needed to destroy. You did it, you bastard. You lost me to myself, twice, and I'm still lost.

Who are you? I no longer see you so it's all memories uninterrupted by your smooth ideas about yourself. Who was this person I was with? How the hell did you manage to take me, plus other people around you, plus two different therapists, in? How did I feel that complete trust I felt in your arms? How can you act like you care so when deep down you don't? You are a sea with a choppy surface you think is real feeling and in your depths all there is are sunken mirrors and dead fish. Plastic islands are your horizons, plastic contacts on the web your perfect ground for what you can really attain. Real love, a real relationship, was too much for you. All you could do was destroy it. Destroy me. I said that to you long ago. Why did I not listen to myself. I was always right about you. All the worst I ever thought came true.

I saw you acting smooth and caring towards everyone around you. Do you want me to put the car seat back for you, are you comfortable, won't you feel cold, let me buy you dinner, all of this you gave to everyone but you just don't care about anyone, don't show yourself to anyone, are not authentic with the world and in the world, lie to yourself about yourself, think you feel when you feel nothing, think the emotion of the day is real affect, think you love when you destroy. People who were around you enough started calling you a manipulator and then they were "crazy". Systematically. Who are you? Who was I with?

I really love it when you are away at work.

Do as I please, read when I want, eat what I like, watch crap tv.... bliss.

I fucking HATE it when you are away at work.

I know you're drinking.

I KNOW you are perving at young, pretty girls.

I know you are chatting up the barmaids / hotel staff.

Why do I even care?

I know this is what you do.... why the fuck am I stressing? I'm not even worrying, because we both KNOW that this is what you do.... always have.

Always will.

I fucking HATE you - you CREEP

Don't whatever you do die in a fatal fucking car crash on your way back,

DUI? Pissed out of your skull more like.

I am sooooooooo looking forward to divorcing your sorry husk.

FTG

I am so much better than you - Creep!

I miss you. I'm aching. I miss your face. I miss your body. Your hands. I miss you.

There's no chance of things getting better while you're slobbering after the whore you cheated on me with, period. That's the consequences of your shitty choices. I'm sorry that you chose a butt ugly drunk assed dumpster fire over us, but I know the agony will be temporary.

You're a horrible selfish person and a ghost of the person I loved. I could swing a dead cat by the tail and hit a random person that will treat me better than you did. I'm grateful to never feel your cold pale hands on me again after where they've been, the very thought makes my flesh crawl.

You're nowhere near as great as you'd like people to think you are. May you wrap one of your shiny motorcycles around a tree this holiday season. Have I mentioned you're a lying two faced douchebag?

They say you don't know the weight til you know the freedom, I'm gonna find out if that's true.

Hugs OP! Your pain is palapable...😢

I don't know why, but I miss my husband too. My 'real husband', the one I spent life with, grew up with. The nice guy, the one who acted like he cared. Not the guy I escaped from last Spring.

I miss Sunday morning hot tub soaks with aromatherapy & icy oj. Going to cut the Christmas tree & it snowed! Decorating our house for Haloween & ending up in the newspaper. Flea market trips & barbecues. Farmers markets & crab boils. Reaching my foot across the bed, under the covers, to touch yours. I miss little trips to the store listening to our favorite music. I miss fishing, boating, going to get froyo before Survivor. I miss the house or yard projects we did. I miss our house, our neighborhood, our dreams.

Mostly I miss having someone to talk to...eat with...Hang out with. I miss being comfortable with you. Watching favorite tv shows together, having inside jokes. Feeling like I belonged.

I'm lonely, but I guess I was at the end with you too. You never heard me anymore. It's a relief to not have you say "huh?" after every.single.thing. I say.

Now there's just silence. Indifference. Lawyers.

Just sayin', thanks for the memories (and the triggers, now).

BTW....fuck you & that bitch sleeping in OUR home, trying to take MY place in your life. She may be (for now), but she won't ever REALLY fill my shoes because she's a selfish piece of shit. Right along with you. That'll eventually pull you apart as each one of you wants to be "THE MOST IMPORTANT". That will come to haunt you. I was willing to put you first, where she won't. You know,because she's not "weak & needy" like me ... "she's a strong, good, independent woman".

You think she's so perfect now. You used to think I was too. Eventually you'll start complaining about her... how SHE squeezes the damn toothpaste?

I hope make each other miserable.

I miss your face I miss your smile though I only see it it early pictures. You raised my children as your own and we did everything together. The we had children and you changed. I was never good enough for you. I was not a good dad yet I picked my kids up everyday for school. Dropped them off in the mornings and still rushed home to cook you dinner. Even after you went weeks without talking to me. You chested on our whole family. You crushed me and the older kids. All the while saying how unhappy you were but never saying a we ordered to me. I tried to talk to you for years and nothing. I wasn't perfection and you believed marriage wasn't suppose to be hard. You left us without a fight. Yet.i still miss your smile even though the only time I saw it was from pictures in our early days. Not.sure what happened to you in your past but.my son will never.forgive me if I let you come back.

I miss your face I miss your smile though I only see it it early pictures. You raised my children as your own and we did everything together. The we had children and you changed. I was never good enough for you. I was not a good dad yet I picked my kids up everyday for school. Dropped them off in the mornings and still rushed home to cook you dinner. Even after you went weeks without talking to me. You chested on our whole family. You crushed me and the older kids. All the while saying how unhappy you were but never saying a we ordered to me. I tried to talk to you for years and nothing. I wasn't perfection and you believed marriage wasn't suppose to be hard. You left us without a fight. Yet.i still miss your smile even though the only time I saw it was from pictures in our early days. Not.sure what happened to you in your past but.my son will never.forgive me if I let you come back.

I miss your face I miss your smile though I only see it it early pictures. You raised my children as your own and we did everything together. The we had children and you changed. I was never good enough for you. I was not a good dad yet I picked my kids up everyday for school. Dropped them off in the mornings and still rushed home to cook you dinner. Even after you went weeks without talking to me. You chested on our whole family. You crushed me and the older kids. All the while saying how unhappy you were but never saying a we ordered to me. I tried to talk to you for years and nothing. I wasn't perfection and you believed marriage wasn't suppose to be hard. You left us without a fight. Yet.i still miss your smile even though the only time I saw it was from pictures in our early days. Not.sure what happened to you in your past but.my son will never.forgive me if I let you come back.

Eventually you'll start complaining about her... how SHE squeezes the damn toothpaste?

Hugs to everyone.

Ok need a vent - I do wonder if you remember what day it is today, would have been 21 years since our first 'date'. I guess probably not. This time last year I got a message saying you were finding the day really hard and had been thinking of me all day. How quickly you changed your mind...

Don't ever alienate me in front of the children like that again, telling DD "Yes, you can stay with Daddy if he wants," thus putting me on the spot, making me the bad guy who has to say "No, not tonight"--after I already accommodated your request that I keep them until 6:00. This is why I will not agree to have you pick up the kids from my home as you demand in your lawsuit.

This was the last straw. I've instructed my attorney to end these sham negotiations. Oh, and all prior concessions I've made during negotiations? They are null, void, and off the table. I will ask that you pay child support according to guidelines as per your previous income. Not my or our children's problem that you have been fired from five jobs since I divorced you. Maybe you should stop blaming everyone for your woes and look at the common denominator in all your failures: it's you.

How's life worked out for you and POS AP? Not the magical "package deal" he had envisioned, is it? Two kids who hate him and a rapidly-aging, unemployed woman with whom the sex likely isn't quite so awesome or frequent any more.

That grass on the other side of the fence seems to have turned a shit-brown, huh?

See you in court. Be sure to lecture the judge as you have my attorney that he has no idea how hard your life is.

A great big giant hug to each and every one of you.

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I wish you would have taken your meds.

I wish you would have put half the effort into getting well that you did in your CL ads and porn.

I miss you.

Your parents miss you.

Your brothers, nieces, and nephew miss you.

I'm not angry with you anymore. Most of the time anyway.

This new reality of "firsts" is taking a toll on the family you left behind.

The first birthdays you're not here.

The first Thanksgiving. The first Christmas.

I just wish you chose differently. We all do.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 10:37 PM, December 16th (Wednesday)]

I heard you and your sister had a talk last week. I heard she told you that you need to focus on yourself and get well, and you agreed with her.

Yesterday at work I noticed you looked down. Even though you're not my concern anymore, I still pick up on stuff like that.

Today you called out of work and I thought about you throughout the day. Dammit. I still care about you.

I talked to my Dad today and asked him to spend the weekend here with me. He turned me down. It's too hard for him to be in this house you and I shared, the memories are too painful for him.

My dear father, who will be 89 years old next month, misses you so much. Remember how he told you he thought of you as a son? Remember all the great times you two had together? Do you ever think about him now?

I hate that he's in so much pain and there's nothing I can do to help him.

I wish you would get help for your drinking.

I wish you would get back into IC.

I wish you would move into your own place.

I wish you would see OW for what she really is.

I wish you would want to save our marriage.

No longer feeling the urge so often and strongly to call you. Have managed to resist looking at the web.

Big stars to me OP****

And more **** and all my compassion for all of us and the pain and loss expressed here.

Big recent feeling of GAIN though as well because I NO LONGER HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR. At least of him and his manipulation and disregard - the rest will take time.

Life has been utterly beyond anything normal or graspable for the last year. I have been shackled by pain and fear and collapse. I am out of that now.

More stars andca big party for whatever we all gain. Thank you all for being here

Are you happy? Is this really what you wanted?

No friends, no family Christmas, a depressed whorenado and your prized baby, your lies that seem to come so easily now, no more us.....

I needed to find this here today. So thank you for posting a place I can just VENT

I just received an email from my STBX about how I can "fix our relationship". Fixing it with ME! links to sites enclosed about mental health and paranoia.

You see I left the house and he was alone with my stuff.. but before I left, I took a photo of my belongings, my bag and bed, upon returning, I took another photo of the same area, and they didn't match.

When asked why, just lie, like always.

You did not want to hear that i had photos of before and after, so you stomped around like a man child, and when confronted, you down right lied. Nope Nothing needs fixing there. You will always be that guy who LIED AND LIED AND LIES some more. I am no longer the girl to believe it.

When I think about us, I don't want it fixed, it is far too broken. And I do have something going for me. More than you do.. and I can't talk about that, but I feel like the statement, what do men want more than sex?/ no not food..

If it was just for the sex, ego stroking, and the false perception of reality.. maybe I could have obliged, but then in the back of my mind, my eyes will be rolling and its not sincere.

I know you will never change, and you are too much of a coward to be honest. You know where the truth will put you.. in the area that makes you the bad guy, the wrong one. You can't admit that you are just wrong, and that you are lying.. lying lying lying.. Try googling Gas Lighting, and then when you are done, read about rug sweeping.

I have pictures.. before and after, proof.

with time stamps, with real images.. keep gas lighting it all, that will fix it for good.

I don't think you are as entitled to the things as you think you are. Certainly not when it comes to anything to do with ME. And Yes I will leave you and take with everything that is MINE. Including the trees that I purchased from my work in DC in 2001. Glad I kept all my receipts.

I also know our child will chose to be with me instead of you. You can be sure of that, since you blame him when you can't find fault in me..

What dad would let their own child take the fall and blame for all the terrible things that he himself did? That I have proof of?

That above everything that you have done, is the top of the worst that you could possibly do..

My answer to you is come clean and stop Gas Lighting. You and your (manipulative money grubbing bitch can google it.

OK. I have a new one to vent about.....

So you want me to leave you and your whoreface alone and say I need to get a life. Well, I haven't bothered you except to ask for my SS few months ago and it has been NC since then. So, why are you bothering me now about some dime store nic nac that got sold at the estate sale. Hell, I'll even give you a discount of the .25 cents I sold it for on your next SS payment.

You say your parents brought it back from Europe years ago for you. First time in all these years of being together that you even brought it up. Hell, when we unpacked in our house we built all our stuff was thrown in together. I thought it was some trinket of my Mother's nic nac crap and you never even looked at it in all these years, nor even mentioned it until now, 9months after the sale and 4 months after the D. I would have gladly given it to you if it had meant enough for you to include on your personal list, but you didn't. I don't know who parted with their .25 cents to buy it, nor do I care. So why are you texting me about it now. Did you and whoreface run out of things to bond over? Do you need some drama in your life or is it ego kibbles you seek? Either way, I'm not playing the game and I will not respond to your text at all with an explaination (I don't owe you one). An apology because I didn't know (it will be a cold day in hell that I ever say those words to you). To justify why I got rid of it (yeah wait on that one).

Also while I am at it, my BFF and her husband, your former BFF, do not want Christmas cards from you and OW. You have not bothered to call him in over a year because you know you were wrong for what you did and didn't have the guts to call him. They want no part of the person you are now. You cannot weasel them back into your life, nor is whoreface welcome in their home. Even if you had put a return address on it, they would not have responded with a Christmas card to you and your slut. Did they invite you to their annual Christmas party? No, they didn't. I am invited and can bring a date if I want. You are not welcome. You used to just walk in their home without knocking, because according to you they were like family to you. Now you have your two-faced mental relatives and the mental slut to hang out with, so leave us all the fuck alone. We don't want to hear from your NPD, abusive, alcoholic, lying, cheating ass. We all see you for what you are and as they say once you see, it's impossible to unsee. So put on a porn movie and go fuck yourself.

Boy, did that feel good!!!!!

Maybe this thread should be a sticky because I need to use it again.

To Asshat. Your son had surgery yesterday. I gave you the date and the details prior to the surgery. You never responded. You never asked a time, a place, or asked to be informed on the outcome of the surgery. No calls, no emails, no texts, nothing. We met the day before with DS's counselor and you didn't say anything about the surgery. I posted a status to my friends and family on Facebook yesterday afternoon on how the surgery went and suddenly you start blowing up my phone an hour later, calling over and over when I was unable to answer as I was taking care of our son. I get the fun task of finding out which family member or friend got word back to you of the surgery that you forgot about when it was for your own son. When I replied to your calls, texts, and emails, I gave you a two sentence update that he was okay. You were fine with that. Do you know how far up your ass I would be if the situation were at all reversed? I would be asking if he were okay, if the anesthesia made him sick, if he was scared, if he was in pain...none of that from you. You could take an entire day off work to go take your PF to the doctor for an ultrasound but you couldn't even remember DS's surgery. You are not worthy of being a father.