SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Its the law here i looked it up, seeing 2 more lawyers monday and then going to file. The lawer told me to file asap because she is obviosly trying to set me up for something.

It sounds like draconian NY/California/Illinois type of laws.

Select the best attorney that you see and file asap. Those who file first normally control more of the direction of the divorce. It gives you a bit more control. But most importantly, it protects yourself r and pushes you towards making progress and accomplishing your goals sooner.

You need to get out of infidelity asap.

Have a list of good questions for the attorney and ask them what grounds you have the best chance of success with. Go for the jugular.

Keep us posted

And I am glad you are taking action because I can well tell you that she is. She probably won't beat you to the filing punch because you are worth more to her financially than she is to you.

It is exactly one week since I found out too.Been married 18 years.

He says that he wasn't feeling loved at home and she wooed him and made him feel good about himself.Explicit text messages and they went away for 3 days to a spa hotel last week, kept lying over and over again and he only admitted it when I confronted him with physical proof that he couldn't deny.

I have accepted that there were issues in the marriage that weren't addressed by both sides and he has agreed that 90% of the time I am kind and caring towards him. So have asked in future if I am 10% horrible to him will he go out and do the same thing again? He has said not if he is happy, is that acceptable? I'm so confused and devastated.

Today seems to be one of the rough ones. Trying to keep myself myself.

Destroyed...I'm sorry you are going through this. It's devastating, frustrating, it's own crazy cycle, painful and nobody really wins. But let me tell you that it's no ok for him to manipulate you by trying to make you responsible for his happiness. He made the choice to cheat and lie, that's on him. Not you. You sound reasonable and willing to work it out. I hope he recognizes the treasure he has in you. Be practical and prepare yourself in every way you can. Draw your line in the sand now and stand firm. Don't fall for empty words, tell him you'll know it when you see it. We all have our deal breakers, determine what yours are, draw it out, put verbs in your sentences of what he must do in order to regain your trust. Don't be like me and live in the false reality of how you want it to be. Get support, read the resources here, find your fight and kick him square in the ass! By him saying he won't do it again unless he's not happy is garbage, he's trying to get you in line by beating you down emotionally. Read the 180, do it. Good luck, you have support here. Sorry it's a rough day no hope...

Here is a kicker, she told may daughter she can stay home today knowing I had places to go. Shes 11, I will not leave her alone at home all day. Besides the fact that she will be scared, don't even think its legal. Cannot take her to see the lawyers. Garenteed it was on purpose. Dont have anyone to watch her. Need to take another day off this week and not let her know. Need the family car that she uses to get to some lawyers that's why she knew. She said she was working all day and cannot stay home. Bet if I was not here my daughter would be going to school. Bet she is trying to pull something or just trying to stall me with lawyers.

And yeaterday she called me upset that other parents were not being nice to her and she wanted me to take her place, then she wants her husband. Everything else, she wants the OM. Bet that triggered it. When I told me daughter she needs to go to school, she said her mother told her yesterday if she was tired she could stay home from school today.go figure.

Your wife told your child that she didn't have to go to school today because she's tired? That's questionable parenting. Most of America is tired today. When she is an adult, does that mean that she does not have to go to work if she's tired? Sorry to go off on a tangent. Just something to think about.

I know i pretty much said the same thing. My daughter does competative dancing. She has been doing it all weekend. She got home late last night, so she was tired. Only had a couple hrs sleep on sat and sun. That the reason i was told it was ok, she also said that she has only been out 2 days this year. I think that was with me too. Then she took my car and left family one she said bc i said i needed it. Has 12 miles left in range. Guess i was suppose to fill it up with gas too.

Why can't you put gas in the car and take your daughter with you? Have her bring a school book and sit in the waiting room while you talk to the lawyer.

My STBXWHx2 beat me to the punch. He had gotten his ducks in a row with paper work, financials, etc. Even had the house appraised, intermittently -unbeknownst to me. When I heard that the OW had a life insurance policy on him and calmly asked, he gave me a snarky reply. I lost my shit and threw hot grits on him. He called the cops, and got a restraining order for himself and our minor DD. And I deserved it. It's the extent of the maneuvering behind my back that's astonishing to me. Anyway, He called the lawyer from the hospital and had me served. Oh, and yeah, he is being represented by Cordell and Cordell. Heed the advice here and take action.

You ARE the parent of DD. Being tired is no excuse to not go to school. Don't let fear of WW dictate your parenting. In court, that can easily be turned around and you will be blamed.

WW is manipulating you.

Get DD to school. Meet with your lawyers.

Strength

and you have no say in whether your kid goes to school or not ? How about "Wife, our daughter is not playing hookey, she's going to school".

It's 11 o'clock. Did you call these attorneys yet ?

Tried to get her to go to school, now she is saying she stayed home bc she dont feel good. She spoke to her mother eirlier.

Postponed till later in the week. Told them my daughter was home and need to take a differnt day off. They said np, come in when i can.

I also just found out my daughter has a project due this week that I need to get done with her today. Seems easy, but mom was going to help her she said. Never did, when I asked her mother she said I was told when I wasnt.

Daughter is laying on me now, miss it. I needed it. Been distant since I found out. Don't know how to talk to her about it.

Sorry, I know you're dealing with a lot. Seems like your WW has left her agent (DD) in charge to distract you from the business at hand. She gets to skip school and lay up on Daddy (please learn to self-soothe), who will later do her project. Not her fault. She's just doing what she's being taught.

And I really can't understand "trying to get DD to go to school but couldn't". As was said earlier, YOU'RE the parent. Don't ask, TELL. Yes, I get that there are different parenting styles, but I can't see where this is a good thing now, or in the future.

Glad your job is ok with things for this week. Maybe you can get some FMLA forms filed so that you can have some flexibility going forward.

And where's your youngest child right now?

[This message edited by CopiousTears at 10:45 AM, March 14th (Monday)]

I took him to school this morning.

Figured as much. When your WW gets home, have her finish up with DD and her project. Then take your son out for some fun one-on-one time with you. And no, DD can't go because 1. You said so and 2. Because she's sick, remember? Personally, I'd stop at #1.

She just called me and said we should talk, I have been trying for a long time. Why now all of a sudden? She said she dont know what to do. Not sure if I should listen. May me another set of lies to mess with me.

Careful Nohope,

I smell a rat.

VAR set to stun, practice your "I'm sorry you feel that ways".

Seriously, you're now walking the fine line between 180 (NCno new hurts) and 'talking'.

I would strongly recommend that you wait until your legal consult.

Take care,

MOB

I'm with MOB.

What's she been doing all day? Working all day? Can you verify her location? Could she have been out consulting lawyers?

Regardless, I would follow MOB's advice.

She just called me and said we should talk, I have been trying for a long time. Why now all of a sudden?

You have better be ready for anything.

Where has she been all day, at a lawyers, work, with the OM? None of those are good for you.

Have your VAR turned on and mainly listen to her, if can tell a lot about what is going on by just listening.

She said she doesn't know what to do...that could mean anything...just be damn careful no matter what she says.

She just called me and said we should talk, I have been trying for a long time. Why now all of a sudden?

You've got a lawyer. Shit got real. She managed to delay your visit by sticking DD with you, now comes the justifications. It's VERY possible that she got a good look at the OM and he doesn't measure up.

She said she dont know what to do.

The lawer told me to file asap because she is obviosly trying to set me up for something.

Here's the thing, you can't tell if this is just a set up to get you to delay filing so she can beat you to the punch. What happens if she files and asks for full custody and to have exclusive use of the marital home?

Having seen the *dark* side of her, why does she think you should wait? She's not exactly a prize.

VAR!!! Better yet, a witness. Personally, I would follow through on the D filing. It won't happen instantly and if you are so inclined, she can try to convince you of R before it completes.

Strength