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Newest Member: HeartbrokenQueen

Just Found Out :
One week since I found out

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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 10:14 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

All i can say is WOW, she wants me to move out and leave her with the kids in the house. She said its in the best interst ofvthe children. When i though she couldnt get sny worse. She knew i wanted to keep the house. She said a real man would do that fir their kids, how low is that.

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503407
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 10:28 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

*In the best interest of the children* is what the court uses to determine custody and residence.

She's probably already filed, or has her lawyers doing it now.

Kids and finances only. VAR everywhere. When the police show up at the door, remain calm and listen to them. Don't argue.

Stay calm. See your lawyer, maybe even check if you can get in after hours. It will be worth the extra charge.

Strength

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7503426
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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 10:29 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

She now said she spoke to a lawyer and she can do this because its in the best interest of the kids. I guess now i know where she was today, not at work like she said. She is now also saying i abandoned them. She is really going all out here. I just cannot beleive what im hearing. Its like a freaking nightmare.

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503427
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 10:32 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Yea, it is. Sorry brother. She's following the script.

Watch your ass.

Remember what I told you to limit your conversations to?

Read the 180. BS FAQ #11

Stay calm

Strength

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7503428
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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 10:33 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Why would the police be coming to the door?

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503429
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 10:33 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Please see an attorney ASAP. You need to know your rights. Don't let her bulldoze you into a bad decision. The best interests of the children is not her focus, it is feathering her own nest and living with no consequences. Stay strong.

posts: 1094   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 7503430
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 10:36 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Duplicate post

[This message edited by 5454real at 4:37 PM, March 14th (Monday)]

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7503431
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 10:36 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

If she feels *threatened* by you, it's a fairly common tactic to have a spouse removed from the home. Especially if she wants you out and you don't agree to leave.

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7503432
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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 10:41 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

I guess i should expect it with everything else she is pulling on me. What a freeken pos.

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503434
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 10:49 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

You are, quite literally, at war. She has already stated her intentions to screw you over. Listen to her

See your lawyer ASAP.

Keep all conversations about kids and finances only. Do not yell or make any physical contact. VAR everything.

LISTEN to your lawyer. He is already worried about a set up.

Strength brother

[This message edited by 5454real at 4:50 PM, March 14th (Monday)]

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7503436
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HopefulJourney ( member #51566) posted at 10:52 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Nohope, please heed the advice of the experience here. Talk to your lawyer. Doesn't the abandonment part come once you leave? She's posturing to destroy you. Trust me, women know how other women operate. Do exactly what your lawyer tells you to do, don't engage or divulge anything to her. Make sure your separation is legal and includes your financial obligations and let her live with what she's created. I can't imagine the pain and frustration you must be feeling. But you have to stay focused and intentional with every step you take. Best of luck to you. We are all hoping for the best outcome as you can get, if that's even possible. This really sucks!

Me : BS (57) FWH (57)
Married 26 years
DS: 24, DS 22
Reconciled, doing well. WH still in therapy.
"And Still I Rise"~Maya Angelou

posts: 144   ·   registered: Jan. 29th, 2016   ·   location: Nevada
id 7503445
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CopiousTears ( member #6562) posted at 10:55 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

SMH...why am I not suprised? Could smell it from states away.

Now the police at the door? Please listen to 5454.

BW(me) 48
WH - 48
Married 20+ years
Kids
DIVORCED/Remarried/DIVORCING same WH again. Same OW.

posts: 862   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2005   ·   location: Southeast
id 7503446
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craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 10:57 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

You must see a lawyer today. You keep falling for her crap over and over again, and you are falling into a trap.

She might have talked to a lawyer, but maybe not. I dont think a lawyer would have her tell you that you need to leave, because that takes a court order as far as I know.

Her use of the word abandonment sounds like her so-called coach is pulling words out of his ass. I just don't think a lawyer is going to use those words without serious proof.

Unless your wife is lying to a lawyer, and if that is the case, usually a lawyer will drop a client if they are lied to to this extent.

You MUST not talk to her. Do not answer her, do not ask her anything, do not eat dinner with her, do not talk to her. Sit outside or somewhere else.

Did you look at the Cordell and Cordell law firm website?

If it looks like you will leave your home, you need to take a complete inventory of everything in that house...but do it discretely.

posts: 7391   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2002   ·   location: USA
id 7503447
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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 11:05 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Looks like she is planning on getting me out. She is saying i abandoned the damily a long time ago when i got pushed out of the bedroom for one excuse after another. My son is still sleeping in the bed(breast feeding still at 6 with no milk). Then she said whwn i came home from work i ignored them. She said tp ask the kids. What the hell is she pulling.

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503452
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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

The question i have now is do i speak to my daughter about this or will my wife try to use it against me.

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503455
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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 11:14 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

She's trying to bully you out of the house.

The judge, the court's, will determine what is in the best interests of the children. Not her attorney.

Do not leave your house. She can not legally make you leave...unless she calls the police and says you attacked her. This is why you were advised several days ago to have a var on you at all times. Please tell me you're doing this??

She is telling you her plan...she is going to claim you abandoned her and the kids. Shes setting herself up as the victim.

I can not stress it enough...carry a var on you at all times. Otherwise, the cops are going to be at your door, and you will be going to jail.

Eta...don't pull your kids into this shit. Their mother is doing that enough. Just continue being a good dad. Try not to engage with her at all. File for divorce asap.

[This message edited by confused615 at 5:15 PM, March 14th (Monday)]

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 7503457
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bluewater ( member #9297) posted at 11:14 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Ignore at your peril the advice you have been given by those who have walked this path before you.

posts: 671   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2006
id 7503459
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 11:15 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Why are you talking to her?

Sigh, she can claim the moon is made of green cheese, but can she prove it? Abandonment is a very specific legal term that doesn't apply here. Her use of the term abandonment in this situation sounds like her attempting to justify her affair.

*I'm sorry you feel that way*

*That's nice*

*OK*

That should be the maximum communication outside of kids and finance.

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7503461
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HopefulJourney ( member #51566) posted at 11:18 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

At this point in time I would VAR everything and respond with, we need to let the lawyers work it out in order to keep home safe for the kids without any volatility.

Me : BS (57) FWH (57)
Married 26 years
DS: 24, DS 22
Reconciled, doing well. WH still in therapy.
"And Still I Rise"~Maya Angelou

posts: 144   ·   registered: Jan. 29th, 2016   ·   location: Nevada
id 7503463
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 nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 11:24 PM on Monday, March 14th, 2016

Can she really do what she is claiming or pushing me to try and do?

She ssid she spoke to an attirney, he might of said i cannot make her leave, thats what the ones i spoke to told me. I wonder if he sasa for her to ask me to let her stay there.

she said in a few years when the market inproves we can sell and split it. She will pay the motgage while she us there. Sounds more like a setup to me to tske the home and kids away. She also said i would be throwing her and the kids out in the street.

My son has alkergies and ut was set in the school district to accomidate hom. Took firever to get setup, she is throwing that in my fave that this us the only sxhool distict set fir it right now. I cannit take thrm away from it. She is throwing everything ar me.

Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016

posts: 111   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2016
id 7503466
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