SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Call a sitter immediately and run over to the nearest store and buy a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR). Keep it on you at all times. From what you have said here your wife is prone to these types of outbursts and you do NOT want to end up with the police at your home.

Of course, if you really want to be particularly nasty, the next time her voice rises just walk over to the phone and YOU call 911. It works both ways, you know.

Don't play into her game. She is goading you into arguments because she hasn't gotten what she wants. Continue to apply pressure and, as I said earlier, let her know what the consequences will be. Personally, I would demand that she move out if, for no other reason, it would help her to see what life will be like not being in the same house as her kids. Apply pressure to get her out. Call her family. Bring in a friend to be present while she's home so that she can't blame you - tell her that you no longer trust you around the kids. There are ways to force the issue without being outright mean.

But don't let up.

There are only two ways out of this: 1) She gives up the other guy and moves 180 degrees in your direction, or 2) She leaves and you divorce.

A poster here (far wiser than me) always espouses the benefits of getting yourself out of infidelity. I love his approach. The worst thing in the world is not losing your wife, it's remaining in an open marriage that you're not a party to. Don't allow yourself to remain in infidelity - demand that she make a decision either way.

As you can tell, she doesn't want to. She knows what she stands to lose. Keep up the pressure.

Strength.

I told her to leave a few times already. She is not going anywhere. Leagally, I cannot make her leave.

You don't need to buy a var. Download an app on your phone.

I'll look one up on my phone, thanks.

The good thing about the phone app is that it's not unusual for you to have your phone nearby. I am always recording, just in case.

Just just got me again, in front of the kids and i think she recorded it instaed of me doing it. She waited till she got me going first. I have to stop falling for it. I think i just got screwed.

Call a lawyer tomorrow morning, before you get into trouble.

Call a lawyer today

Your wife is setting you up. You know this yet you are allowing it to happen

Get the phone app installed and record ALL further conversations......and most importantly

DO NOT RISE TO THE BAIT

Stay calm in all interactions with your WS

The pair of you are traumatising your kids, you BOTH need to stop this

Man...don't even call her bluff, just get out of this mess. There is NOTHING worse than someone hurting you then not feeling true remorse. That's not what people do when they love you. I am TWICE divorced and now going through issues in what we both would call a "perfect relationship" ,y current wife messed up and wanted attention, now we're both broken over it. The ONLY reason I will try with my current wife is because she is truly beating herself up and showing true effort to make it right. My last wife blamed me and denied. I finally got her to sign the papers. Yes it was hard, yes it took me a long time to move on, but you know what? She not my problem anymore, and she wasn't going to change. Sometimes people are just evil inside, they have self hate but they have too much pride. You can't fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed. Like I said my man...TWO divorces...and everything eventually did get better. There is life after you make your stand.

[This message edited by SW22 at 1:22 PM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

what exactly are you doing for yourself after almost a week ?

No VAR ? instead she's recording you.

No attorney ? Even though this is headed for divorce

No 180 ? Even though that is the best way to avoid confrontation.

next, she will file false DV charges and get you tossed from your home and away from the kids.

You are going through life shocked and stunned and thinking with your heart and not your head.

You need a gameplan immediately and execute it with brutal precision.

Otherwise, you are floating in the wind like a leaf that is about to fall apart.

Action, man, like yesterday.

Again, what are you doing to help yourself ?? I don't see much effort right now

western is right.

nohope - you need to pull yourself together.

I'm sorry to say, but your wife is your enemy now. Act accordingly.

If you're too susceptible, then minimize your time. don't believe ANYTHING she says. She's setting traps for you.

pull yourself together!

good luck.

She is pissed today, she just went off. She thinks im going to try and take kids away from her. She made sure she said it in front of the kids of course, saying that I will take kids away from their mother. then shes trying to tell me i started it in front of the kids.

The best answer for this kind of shit (or anyother blameshifting/gaslighting) is:

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

That's it. Keep repeating it.

Drives them absolutely nuts. You're sticking to your guns in a non-confrontational way, and they can't argue, or twist your words. They just storm off.

Going to try and bite my tongue from now on.

Having trouble getting off from work to get to lawyers office. May have to take a day off to go if I can. I know I see I'm getting screwed, trying to hold it together.

take tomorrow off. Call your boss, explain the situation. They normally have compassion regarding these things. If not tomorrow, Thursday. In the meantime, research some good ones. Do the 180 and only speak minimally to your wife with one line statements that are non accusatory. Also, get that VAR at Walmart tonight

I am a family law attorney, not in your area most likely as I am in Canada, and I CANNOT give you legal advice but please pay close attention to what others are telling you. If you cannot record, keep detailed notes/documents outlining what goes on with dates and times. What she does and says, what she does in front of the children, etc. Keep careful track of finances and behaviors. You need to be your own hero.

Going to see a lawyer this week.

Still cannot beleive she can be like this after 25 years. Trying to make me the bad guy, seems to be working with my kids. She just told me i already lost my daughter, and my son is almost there.

She went out last night supposadly to a school meeting about budget. Left the house at 630 and returned at 1150. My son was sleeping with me, she started screaming and yelling that i am not letting her near my son. Then stated that i was the one yelling at midnight.

From our last conversation it sounds like she is looking to take everything. Im not going to have anything left to live off of after she gets her cut. I love our system, it sucks. Im probably not going to see my kids the way id like to either. Just bc she was looking for a good time. what a shty situation to have for anyone. Cannot beleive people that supposidly loved you can be this horrable.

No, she is not going to take everything. You need to see a lawyer right now. Most likely she gets 50%.

It sounds like your wife has become mentally ill, and or she is being coached to do this. Someone is telling her to act this way and she sounds like a great actor.

No, she was not at a meeting last night until midnight. She was probably with her coach getting a pep talk and that is why she comes home acting this way.

Are you recording all of this?

You have to see a lawyer and why you haven't yet is a mystery.

Was haveing trouble getting time to go. Also probably having a hard time accepting it. Im sure her new bf is coaching her. He is divorced himself. He probably knows how to play the game. Yep, she gets 50, plus cs, plus ss, etc... wants to sell everything and charge like crazy.

From a BH who won primary custody 20 years ago, you need to see a lawyer NOW!!! Don't believe a word she says. In fact, don't speak unless it is about kids and finances.

Document everything. She went to a budget meeting? Who fed the kids, who put them to bed? Seems to be an admission that she feels you are a competent parent. No budget meeting but she met with the OM? Seems to be an admission that the kids aren't her priority.

Listen, you're at war. You have no weapons and no leadership. Everything you say and do WILL be used against you. You absolutely have to get solid legal advice. My hope is she's only talking to the AP and not an attorney. The wild spending seems to indicate it's just the OM.

Get a lawyer. File. Document everything. VAR everywhere.

Strength