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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 5:35 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
CopiousTears ( member #6562) posted at 5:42 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
BW(me) 48
WH - 48
Married 20+ years
Kids
DIVORCED/Remarried/DIVORCING same WH again. Same OW.
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 6:43 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
I know it's overwhelming. Christ, you *see* your wife standing there, but her actions don't match your memories of her. You're desperately hoping this is all a bad dream and it's almost paralyzing.
She's using that against you.
Please tell us you've seen your lawyer.
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
Western ( member #46653) posted at 6:51 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
Walloped is correct. You must compartmentalize and act
CanoeVA ( member #46071) posted at 6:53 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
Nohope, I hope you realize we are all rooting for you. We've seen what works, what doesn't, and are here to help
Do.
Act
Engage
Be strong for your kids
Me = BH
fWW- 2014 affair most of year; EA Feb/March became PA April until DDay
Married 1986
DDay- 12/08/14
2 adult children, mid 20s
OM = Wife's best friend's brother
We're both working on R
nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 8:26 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
Cannot get off till friday. Will go first thing friday. May have to go back again monday so they can file. Found a teir 1 lawyer about 35 min away from me. Also does farthers rights. Expensive, but may have to dish out. Family is going to help with legal fees. Will keep to myself at home, except for kids or anything to do with the. Will do my best to hold my tongue. Thanks for sll the advice. Keep dishing it out. Its sinking in. Your all right cannot see the same person, its just unreal.
Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016
CopiousTears ( member #6562) posted at 8:47 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
That's strength in action, nohope. I know it's hard but you're stronger than you know. Take the next days to gather documents. You are blessed to have family who are willing and able to help you out.
Take care of your children's father (you). They need you. It won't be easy or painless but you can do it!
BW(me) 48
WH - 48
Married 20+ years
Kids
DIVORCED/Remarried/DIVORCING same WH again. Same OW.
nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 8:55 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
Im trying, its not so easy. Not worried about me so much, more my kids than anything else. Looks like she may be trying to throw me out of everything in their life.
Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016
craig2001 ( member #55) posted at 8:59 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
Looks like she may be trying to throw me out of everything in their life.
She can think all she wants to, she can listen to the wrong people all she wants to, but I do believe she is in for a rude awakening.
Good to hear you got a good lawyer and a father's rights lawyer and that your family will help. You will feel better now that you are more in control of the situation.
Whatever you do, do NOT talk to your wife about this law firm, do not talk to or tell your wife you're going to a lawyer Friday, do not tell your wife your family is going to help.
Remember, anything you tell her can and will be used against you when it comes to your wife.
ICaughtThem ( member #45041) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
Did you get a VAR yet? Or at the very least, an app on your phone to record conversations like Smart Voice Recorder (on Android).
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 9:33 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
I have the one on my phone now
Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016
Igotthis ( member #47771) posted at 11:22 PM on Tuesday, March 15th, 2016
you may not be able to make it to office, physically but is there any way you can start emailing information and pay by phone (Credit Card) if that is the one you want.....
time is not on your side
Western ( member #46653) posted at 2:59 AM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
dude. Lawyer. Status ????? Focus on the big thing here
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 9:57 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
mharris ( member #46683) posted at 9:59 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
I'm curious about the whole breastfeeding the 6 year old thing. That can't be good for the child, emotionally. Tell your attorney about this.
nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 10:19 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
Have a consult Fri am, will bring it up. Lawyer told me she can say what she wants, but will break down exactly what she can get when i go in. Said i will feel much better after i leave office. Moved schedule arround to accomidate me. $400. Meeting. 
Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016
Sybo ( member #46689) posted at 10:23 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
it's true...I felt a shit ton better after I had my 1st meeting w/ lawyer. Hang in there buddy.
DDAY Feb 2015
Divorce finalized 4/4/16
Update: EX gave Nail Boy the boot 3/18 - Fairy tales don't last apparantly
My new zipcode is ZERO FUCKS GIVEN. It's a great town.
nohope16 (original poster member #52043) posted at 10:28 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
Saw a few so far, felt worse. This one seems to have a different opinion. Seems a bit ruthless to, may need it.
Me-42
Her-41
Married 15yrs (together 25yrs)
2 Kids ( 6 & 11 )
Found out Feb 2016
NiceGuySF ( member #50244) posted at 11:11 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
Hi Nohope! Hang in there... you are getting GREAT advice from veterans. Myself, I'm hanging out in the D/S forum these days, and I've had issues with my WW, but she's not nearly as crazy/unstable/mean as yours seems to be.
VAR: I never got one, things were getting to the point where maybe I should have, but they cooled down. Make sure the app is working, otherwise a dedicated one (Amazon to work) might be better.
Moving out: don't even *think* about doing this. Instead, focus on your children, don't say much to her, and certainly don't discuss the issues in front of the children.
Don't let her guilt you or manipulate you! Don't respond to her, but whenever she accuses you of not caring, not thinking about the family, etc., just (IN YOUR HEAD) respond, "no, *expletive*, that's you... I'm the good husband, the good father, and you f**d it up... it's on you". That's what you think, what you say is either nothing, or "I'm sorry you feel that way", etc. Easier said than done.
Start documenting... if she leaves the kids with you, etc., if you give them a bath, put them to bed, make there lunch, etc. It's good to show that you are an involved father. You certainly haven't abandoned anyone or anything (again, that's her).
Good luck... we are rooting for you.
If you are having trouble taking actions or following through, start making a TODO list of things that need to get done. It will give you some focus and keep you on track.
Me%3A%20BH%20(mid%20forties)%2C%20single%20dad%20of%20an%20awesome%20son%20(8)%0ADDay%3A%20October%202015%0ADivorced%20from%20xWW%0A%0A
Western ( member #46653) posted at 11:24 PM on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016
sounds like a bulldog. Stick with him !!!
Take her out at the knees
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