SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

$400. Meeting.

nohope - It'll be the most worthwhile $400 you've ever spent.

It is, and its a woman. One of the partners in the firm, not just one of the lawyers.

Yep, im sure it will be worth it.

10,000 retainer too. After she told me i have to give her the house and leave, i dont think anyone else would be better to take the case than this place.

I know that you've been told this over and over and over but it is crucial - DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE ANYTHING.

We see it again and again, that in some weak moment the betrayed shows their hand. You're bullied or dazzled or snuggled into disclosing vital information and it explodes your plan.

Remember you can't un-ring a bell and you can't un-say something.

And frankly, your wife is so cunning and cruel anything you utter will be twisted and used against you.

Just so I'm clear on this, your lawyer told you you have to give your WW the house and leave? Did she say anything about custody?

There really are very few States like that around anymore. New York, New Jersey and Illinois come to mind.

You said she is a stay-at-home mom?

You're making awesome progress, nohope!

Self-rescuer gave you some good advice on how to move forward. In my neck of the woods it would be 'beware the pu$$y coma'. She may try her damndest to get you lulled into inaction with her charms to throw you off your game. She installed those buttons and knows each and every one to push. Don't fall for it.

You got this!

5454, I had to go back and read that again. I came away with the understanding that nohope's WW was spouting that nonsense about the house, not that the lawyer said that.

Nohope, can you clarify?

Just so I'm clear on this, your lawyer told you you have to give your WW the house and leave? Did she say anything about custody?

I think he meant after his WW told him that, he's happy he retained this lawyer and her firm to represent him. Sounds like nohope is starting to understand exactly what he's up against. Good.

CT -

Great minds...

Walloped, glad to know I'm in good company

Absolutely my hope also, but the aforementioned states are rather draconian. Most other states wouldn't do that until a custody ruling had been made. It's a general understanding that the kids will stay in the home in order to minimize the damage of the D. Forcing one parent out is basically a defacto custody ruling

I think you have a pretty dammed good case to make for custody brother. Breastfeeding at 6? There's no milk, all that is being provided is physical stimulation. That's worrisome. How long did DD breastfeed? Why the gender difference?

My wife told me to leave, sounds like her lawyer told her to try and get me to go. She was going on about abandonment.

The lawyer im going to retain told me in no way do i leave and i cannot lose the house. She can patition for it bc of school district, but i need to agree to it. If we both cannot come to an agreement, we eill have to sell. Nor one or the ither can take it away as she is wanting to do. Almost no eqity in the house due to the market taking a dump. She may have realized she would not get anything. I even told her prior i would buy it off her, she obviosly doesnt want me to do it. She is trying to take it instead. The laywer told me to bring last years tax return, tey mysrwiously dissapeared recently. I askd her and she told me she never touched them, guess her lawyer has them. I will have to try and get a copy in the am. She still wont give me her w2 from this yaer, may have too file without her. Wondering if she playing games or don't want me to see she wasn't working the hours she said she was. How to try to get all my ducks in a row now.

Never bf dd, first and was scarwd she wasnt being fed. We ended ip bottle feedong.

Retain that lawyer ASAP!

Your wife is trying to bully you with false info. You act like this is an automatic slamdunk, cuz your WW said so. Nah pahtnah, that ain't how it work. Don't let her words worry you. File first and set the tone/pace. Let your lawyer do what they are being paid to do...which is work in you and your kids' best interest.

Why can't you get exclusive use of home? ASK!

And that breastfeeding your 6 year old son STILL?! Your DD didn't get that benefit, did she? Call for a mental health evaluation of your WW.

Have you called their pediatrician for a referral for their counseling? Or to ask about the your son's breastfeeding WITHOUT you WW present?

Have you gotten their grades, progress reports, met with their teachers to let them know that the children will have some upheaval in their lives and you're requesting them as advocates?

Call the IRS and have them fax her earning reports. BTDT.

And that's only a start and I know it's overwhelming. But don't wallow and lament. Letbyour lawyer guide you. You will be in pain, but you will need to compartmentalize to get this done, and ask questions later. Your kids are depending on you to do what's right by them.

NH16: Make a list. Include all the good points made on this thread. Ask your lawyer about every one of them. Make notes as she answers so you will know what your follow-through needs to be. You can contact the IRS to get your tax return if you filed it yourself. If you had a tax prep do it for you, they will give you a copy. Your wife's taxable income info will be included in that. Your lawyer can subpoena your WW's 2016's income info from your wife's employer; BTDT.

As HARD as it is to do: forget asking why your WW is doing this. Forget wondering what you can do to get her to 'see the light.' Instead, you MUST focus on what's ahead of you. Be prepared and do your best to stay a step ahead of her. No response to her goading, no response to what she may be telling your children. Continue being their father as best you can be; be there for them. Do not let them see you fly off the handle about ANYTHING. When your mind starts 'going there,' wondering why your WW is doing all this, make yourself change the subject. Have something that relaxes you ready to take the place of thinking about why she's doing this. Your wife as you knew her is GONE. This alien being has taken her place. You can't change her.... you only get to deal with her and you need to do that as little as possible, i.e., DO NOT ENGAGE. Walk away. You will survive this; we all have. It's not fun, not easy, but we do what we have to do. (((( ))))

nohope,

Please re-read the above posts. Make a list of all the salient points. Do not listen to your wife. Hire that attorney asap. Do not wait. Don't worry about W-2's or anything else. As LifeIsBroken said, let your attorney handle all that.

Your wife is getting advice either from another attorney or a friend. None of what she says has your best interests in mind. Remember that. It's a mindfuck to be sure. This is your wife after all. But she's not the same person. She might be again one day, but not now. So, take action please. See your attorney. Do not procrastinate. Protect yourself. We're pulling for you.

How did you do with the lawyer today?

Honestly, now is the time I would worry about false allegations. When she tries to force you out and you refuse..... that's when some WS's escalate. You're standing in the way of their happiness, how dare you.

Be extremely careful during this period.

There's a forum down thread titled Divorce and Seperation. Might be worth it to start a thread there. Some great knowledge contained there in.

Sending strength

i live in germany where it is very rare for a father to get anything other than the bills, unheard of for a father to get primary or sole custody of a child, and impossible if the mother is german and you are the foreigner.

i got 80% custody of my son and im a foreign male. if its possible here with the deck this stacked against me then its possible for you too.

document everything. dont argue with her. protect yourself.

for instance

+ document her time out and away. times she spends with family and time she doesnt.

+ file individually, claim kids, and let her do or not do her taxes. first to claim exemptions gets them.

i live in germany where it is very rare for a father to get anything other than the bills, unheard of for a father to get primary or sole custody of a child, and impossible if the mother is german and you are the foreigner.

i got 80% custody of my son and im a foreign male. if its possible here with the deck this stacked against me then its possible for you too.

document everything. dont argue with her. protect yourself.

for instance

+ document her time out and away. times she spends with family and time she doesnt.

+ file individually, claim kids, and let her do or not do her taxes. first to claim exemptions gets them.

Lawyer is tomorrow morning. I will post on how it goes.