SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

been with one woman for the last 25 years, and I loved her, but I'm starting to love myself. I have too much to offer. No more letting her trying to make me feel less then.

BRAVO

Was talking to my Aunt yesterday, whom I'm very close with. My daughter hangs out with her granddaughter all the time.

Apparently, my daughter told her cousin (my Aunts granddaughter) that -

"My mom said we're moving an hour away. I told her I don't want to move an hour away. I don't want to move away from my school, friends, and family. I want to stay with dad"

My wife apparently told her, "No. You are not staying with dad. You are coming with me".

If this is true, and I don't want to question my daughter, or involve or upset her ad little as possible, it's bullshit. She's not gonna up-root my kids like that, especially if they don't want to go or stay with me.

I'll take them full-time if I have to (not very likely if decided by the court), but they, or at least my youngest, doesn't want to go.

I'll take them full-time if I have to (not very likely if decided by the court), but they, or at least my youngest, doesn't want to go.

The part about the court - do you work with the courts a lot, how do you know the court wouldn't side with you? Uprooting kids and their entire lives is a pretty big deal and most courts don't agree with that. The best interest of the child is usually to keep their lives as normal (to prior to the divorce) as possible.

Moving out of a school district can be a big deal. Moving an hour away is a huge deal.

After a certain age children can decide which parent they want to live with. In West Virginia I'm pretty sure it's over 13. You need to consult with your lawyer.

Also make sure you continue to document how unstable and unreliable she is concerning leaving the kids to go partying. Just because you separate and divorce she is not going to abandon her wild lifestyle. And I certainly wouldn't want her introducing my young daughters to that rap crowd.

Hang in there brother. Stay strong and don't let her bluff you. Consult your lawyer and try to get ahead of her on this.

Oh, and one other thing I just thought of. She probably knows if the kids stay with you she is going to be paying child support. That could have something to do with her demanding the kids go with her.

If you have not filed, or done anything yet, your wife can and may bail, then you will be ice skating up hill.

Look into something, take out a loan, or something.

But she is already planning and taking kids away from you, and telling them in preparation.

I would act if I was you

I am.

Already had the consultation last week, now I'm calling the family members today that are gonna loan me the money.

My therapist says that it really is in the best interest of the kids for them to stay in the marital home after a divorce. You don't want to uproot their entire lives. Maybe your own therapist would agree?

That's not cool that she is having those discussions with your child.

It gets even worse. I heard through a family member that my wife has actually discussed this other guy with my 16 year old daughter.

I never addressed any of this with any of the kids because I wanted them kept out of this as much as possible, but if it's true, it's more then a little fucked up to be talking to our kids about another guy and what's going on.

Do you really think they want to hear this crap?

NO, you're right, they don't want to hear this stuff. I think a 16 year old girl would like to believe in love. As dramatic as that sounds, those of us who have teen girls know that they are dramatic and have a desperate desire to believe in true love.

Her mom sharing this with her can blow it all out of the water. Sorry for you, truly I am.

WTF......

My 13 year old daughter just sent me this text -

Hey, could you text mom happy birthday? She had a really bad day and is upset. I know you guys aren't talking, but please dad, for me?

I'm not going to, but this sucks. Have her new boyfriend lift her spirits, but I can't tell my daughter that.

I could totally be off base here. But you said your WW is discussing her AP with your 16 year old daughter. Now it is obvious that this request from your 13 year old comes from her mother. It gives me a feeling she is starting a campaign to win the girls over to her side.

At this point you have no idea what she has said about the OM, and for that matter about you, to the 16 year old. She could very easily turn this request from your 13 year old against you, as in..." See daddy doesn't love mommy any more, and he doesn't even care enough about you to send me a birthday wish when you asked it as a personal favor."

I could be wrong, but that was the initial feeling I got from the 13 year olds request. If it were me, since your daughter asked you to do it for her, I would text WW a simple, "happy birthday." Then tell your daughter you sent it. That my opinion anyway.

The kids are old enough to know what's going on. Tell them.

They may be blaming themselves for this.

Hey, could you text mom happy birthday? She had a really bad day and is upset. I know you guys aren't talking, but please dad, for me?

Tell your daughter that's what happens when your mom has an affair with another man. Sorry honey

You and your kids are going to get the family torn apart they are old enough to know why.

[This message edited by Marc878 at 6:51 PM, April 27th (Wednesday)]

well then may be it is time you talked to your kids so they know the truth (minus the fantasy talk)

Your wife is in the land of unicorns and golden rainbows.

I responded to my daughter earlier -

I love you, and I always will. This is something you and I need to talk about in person

She said "OK"

They all need a good dose of reality. Better now than later.

Your kids will go through this divorce, etc. too.

Sorry man

I think you should tell the girls the age appropriate truth. That when you get married you promise to be each other's boyfriend and girlfriend forever. Mum has a another boyfriend so she broke the rules of our marriage. That there are deal breakers in life and this is one of them. Remind the girls that you love them and will always love them and that this situation isn't their fault.

Good luck!

Gosh, here is where it gets hard. My opinion, which will not be popular is NOT to tell the kids their mom had an affair. They will respect you for it years down the road, when it really does matter.

I know, I have a step-daughter that is in her adult years. Every time she sees or talks to me (we are in different states) she thanks me for not partcipating in the crap slinging. Her mom was great at it and would say all sorts of stuff about her dad (my H). At first he would also until he finally listened to my begging. Trust me, I know it's hard but please, please as much as you might want to don't tell her that her mom chose to have an affair. Now IF SHE ASKS, you could say something like, yes, unfortunately your mom just didn't think I could give her enough. But to volunteer, you would eventually be seen as the enemy. Doesn't make sense, but it's how it works.

However, this is my opinion only, I try to take the high road because I believe that bull sh*t begins to smell eventually and people will begin to know who is throwing it.