SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Foreverlabled

This is not about you being a ws nor does being a ws mean you do not have value because you do.

Many do appreciate and respect that you have reached out to a bh to help. That says a lot about you.

This is about remorse. I know op says his is remorseful but

A remorseful spouse does not lie. He just got another tt which now resets r another two years.

A remorseful spouse puts the healing of the bs first even if it means the end of the marriage.

Op's ww has used tears and begging to manipulate her bh rather than changing and in place healing her bh.

rambler I agree, his WW is regretful at best, and just as I have value she does too. That's all.

idk, it's just wwtl is already leaving and I'm not sure anyone can blame him for it, all the wrong his WW has done including the TT has been driven in far enough that wwtl regrets the fact that he even brought it up in the first place.

And so I noticed another side to his dilemma and in an act of compassion and empathy for him and his wife, it seems I have triggered (or pissed off) someone and I apologize for that. In response to that, I only meant to humble myself because I know what TT and manipulation can wreak upon a BS but I cannot feel that pain so I am in no position to touch on that subject really.

And now I feel bad because it caused even more negativity towards mrs.wwtl and more hurt for wwtl. apologies all around. and with that, truly good luck wwtl I hope you find what you are looking for, wishing healing to you and yours.

if you feel your relationship is done, then its done. dont leave her dangling as a plan B. be honorable, tell her how you feel, and file.

regardless of whether the d-day is today, last year, or a decade ago no one is obligated to take therapy or treatments for deciding their spouses infidelity is too much / a deal breaker. TT can on its own be a deal breaker. in fact i suggest such to most new BS on JFO - ask ws for a timeline and tell them that nothing they put on that timeline will be an automatic deal breaker but if they leave anything significant off that is an auto deal breaker. TT is brutal and the goal is to get the truth quickly rather than have it given out in small little dregs to rip open the wound and re-start the healing. TT is inheritantly selfish and unremorseful.

i get a little panicked for newly jfo bs who say they want to file or work on r without a seconds thought. that decision shouldnt be made today unless the infidelity is ongoing with no remorse. important decisions should get 5-6 months thought before making. its their decision and some can reach it quickly but id hate to see someone D who can R and would have been willing too and their spouse wants to OR someone rush to decide R when their spouse is clearly not remorseful, the affairs ongoing etc. both are hasty decisions to important things. but ... they can make their own choices, its their lives. but ... we cant even say poor OP here hasnt had LOTS of time to think it over. hes had forever.

give the poor guy some support and stop judging him for deciding enough is enough. please!

Ok. I feel like Al Pacino in Godfather 3. Just when I think I am ready to let this thread die, something sucks me back in.

This is for Forever Labled. Do not feel bad on mine nor my wife account. You correctly saw that she needs support, and that I am not looking to burn her at the stake. The happier she is the easier it will be for me to move on.

I read your post as very sympathetic and to be selfish, my take on your thoughts are really the only one that counts.

waitedwaytoolong: Does your wife always get emotional when it comes to anything about the affair? If so, does it hinder you being able to heal and move on because you focus on her and her being hurt and less on healing yourself?

Other than dating, what else have you decided to do when you move? Much of dealing with my mind movies was finding ways to keep myself very busy. Then, as I felt stronger I would let some in. Play them out in my head and after some time I would let them go. Give them over. I seldom have any "unknowns" or "mind movies" anymore. Our MC suggested the best thing for us. Yes, my husband needed to be kept busy too. Do your bucket list. Get a hobby (a new one or one you may have forgotten when you were busy with kids). I don't think you are rug sweeping at all. I think you are just trying to find a peaceful and clean space to heal.

I am sorry if I offended you or your wife if I came across as putting your wife down because I felt she wasn't truly remorseful. She is trying to change and in my book that makes her a good person. She can be a good person and a bit selfish at the same time. She is doing her best to transition into being someone that can be a responsible trusted partner. That is the wonderful thing about this journey. It takes time and you can become better than you started out in the end. I wish her luck and pray she chooses to post. She can get help from the waywards there. My husband included. He posts often. They will help her in letting go of the outcome.

I am not looking to burn her at the stake. The happier she is the easier it will be for me to move on.

This is a good thing. It shows you are moving on in a level headed way. You come across as calm to me. I think that is how separations should be. Calm. Amicable. Quiet and peaceful.

Who knows what awaits the two of you with this course of action. It may just save you both. I will be praying for all of you.