This Topic is Archived
Vulcanized ( member #33523) posted at 6:47 PM on Monday, November 21st, 2016
"Not using comdoms/protection during A is like...."
totally a given, man.
Idiot XH was happily raw dogging OW, who he knew had fucked at least 1/2 the guys in the shop. So *that's* a good candidate for unprotected sex. I guess OW & XH's twu lurv was so special that nobody could have possibly had any sort of nasty little crickets.
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now:-----> Everything is as it should be
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 2:17 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Not using condoms/protection during the A is like....
the WS picking up a gun and the WS doesn't know or care if there are bullets in the chambers.
Then, the WS points the gun at the BS and pulls the trigger.
The WS does this during the whole duration of the PA.
[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 10:42 AM, July 21st (Friday)]
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 3:43 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Not using condoms/protection during A is like...
whipped cream on shit.
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 4:05 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
It's the Russian Roulette for me.
Of course he wouldn't be infected with anything and would never cheat on WW during the 3 years of fucking with anyone else. He was of high, moral character other than his wife leaving him for fucking a different woman just before he and WW were irresistibly attracted to each other. He was safe because I wouldn't be transferring anything to him through WW's bodily fluids unless there is a risk of infection from urinal splash or toilet seats. And I guess HIV is a myth. Out of pure luck I was not infected with anything.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Emotionalhell ( member #39902) posted at 4:17 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
I have compared the A to rape. I realize that I have not actually been raped and do not fully understand the emotions of someone that has been. The A was unknowly forced on me. It took my right away ..of making an informed decision about my life.
Me BS x2. 50ish Divorced WH #1. IHS with wayward #2 Dday #1 Oct. 2014Dday # 2 August 2018. Dday #3 December 17th.
DebraVation ( member #51156) posted at 4:27 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
walking blindfold across six lanes of traffic. Exhilarating maybe. Stupid definitely.
GGFinisHLast ( member #37005) posted at 4:37 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
But using a condom would make WS feel like a dirty cheating whore. She's not that. She's a beautiful angel deigning to grant them the opportunity of their lives to experience being with someone so out of their league.
I like the Russian roulette comparison.
I believe I contracted an STD from her first(?). I was really naive back then as she provided a special treatment for something she "noticed" didn't look right down there. I've only been with one person ever, why should I need to worry about STDs? 
Together 27, married 24, Divorced Nov 2017DDay #1-2005, DDay #2 3/2012, DDay Final 6/2017 - Gaslighted for years. (having caught up, "niceguys" are dog dirt, at least my name isn't Karen or Chad)
Heart ( member #56144) posted at 4:53 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Barcher144 :....whipped cream on shit.....that about sums it up perfectly.
Happily Free Now
Me.... former betrayed wife
allusions ( member #25376) posted at 5:07 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
I like MalibuBayBreeze's answer
Not using condoms/protection during A is like sharpening the dagger even more before stabbing me in the back
but I'm going to change it a little and say:
Not using condoms/protection during A is like intentionally dulling the dagger before stabbing me in the back.
You can apologize over and over, but if your actions don't change, your words become meaningless.
Behind every crazy bitch is a sweet girl who just got tired of being lied to.
I've found the key to happiness: Stay away from assholes.
JimmyB ( member #43976) posted at 5:27 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline lists lying or omitting facts such as potential health risks as well as lying or omitting facts relating to birth control as domestic abuse. That's exactly what it is. Also knowingly hiding any facts related to these things negates sexual consent. Without consent, it is, in fact, rape.
The Supreme Court has ruled that transmission of any STD either through deceit or negligence is in legal contemplation and the transmitter can be sued, intent is unnecessary. Obviously negligence would include unprotected sex with the AP even if they had no factual knowledge that the AP or themselves had an STD.
In the case if HIV/AIDS it is a felony.
All of my WW's affair sex was unprotected. Luckily, as far as I am aware, STD's were not transmitted. She did however get pregnant by him during the first affair because he was lying about having a vasectomy. At least that's what she claims, I actually don't believe her. Anyway, I consider this the absolute worst aspect of her affairs. I cannot even entertain forgiveness of it, so I'm not even going to try. I also consider every time we had sex while she was hiding her affairs to be rape. It's truly sickening!!
ME: 60 Madhatter, 1 PA, 6 months(making out, no sexual contact), 2006. 1 sexual act with a stranger in a car - w/hands, 2010.
WW: 57 Madhatter, 25 year (1988-2013) PA, 3 separate affairs, same OM). 8 year, 2005-2013, EA with 1st boyfriend/lover
Hardroadout ( member #56340) posted at 5:53 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
As a BS who contracted several asymptomatic STDs which left me with serious health issues, it is like:
1. Russian Roulette with his life, my life, and my children bc he cheated on me during pregnancy.
2. Rape. It completely vitiated my consent. I never would have had sex with him had I known. I have always been a germaphobe. And, I was burned once as a teen with a relatively harmless STD (although if I had not caught it, it could have killed me) from a consensual encounter and it only took one, single random hookup for that to happen. I was extremely fearful of STDs and germs in general. I never, ever wanted to expose myself to risk again. I THOUGHT I was safe. I never would have consented had I thought differently. I am still violently shaken up by this at 2 years out. It gives me nightmares. It has diminished my self worth. I am disgusted with my own self. I had someone else's GERMS IN ME. I feel nasty. I feel if I left my WS, I would never date again bc I would have to tell my new partner my sexual history and if it grosses me out about my own self, it surely will gross someone else out.
3. Abuse. See #2 above. I was abused.
[This message edited by Hardroadout at 11:55 AM, July 21st (Friday)]
I edit a lot because I am a terrible typist.
deephurt ( member #48243) posted at 6:19 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
is like
Not giving a shit about me or my health and making sure I know it
me-BW
him-WH
so far successfully in R
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 6:24 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Same here, GGFinisHLast. She's my one and only.
When we started dating I knew she wasn't a virgin. She also told me she had been quite active sexually. I respected her telling me. It wasn't positive but I could live with it and she was being totally honest (except she wasn't - DDAy 2, 3, 4). I ended up with 3 STDs which were successfully treated. I believed they were carryovers from her past But we were good going forward. Call me STUPID.
She knew she had STDs and also crabs in the past before we married but couldn't see the risk with her cheating COW?
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
Dorothy123 (original poster member #53116) posted at 6:35 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
.
Not using condoms/protection during A is like....
"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.
Hardroadout ( member #56340) posted at 6:36 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Steady. I have followed your posts as much as I can and I had no idea. I was in same boat. One STD showed up on him fairly early into our relationship. Because of my past, I thought it was a carryover from my stupid teen hookup. Or maybe his past. He was treated. I spoke to the doctor who said he saw it all the time where one spouse or other other carries it (HPV, NOT high risk) and it shows up later. Then, another (high risk HPV) showed up 10 years in. Doctors again told me it was fine, that HPV can linger for years. I did speak to my husband but believed him based on what the doctors told me and didn't think he would make me sick. Turns out, my own research shows that HPV almost always shows up within 18 months of exposure and almost never more than 2 years after. How in the hell did the doctors not know this but a simple google search pulled up reliable medical journals saying this? Blows my mind and then some.
I edit a lot because I am a terrible typist.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 6:48 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Barcher144 :....whipped cream on shit.....that about sums it up perfectly.
So I am not accused of plagiarism, I learned the phrase from Jill McGill, as told to Rick Reilly in Who's Your Caddy?
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
Ginac ( member #56902) posted at 6:58 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
Not using a condom was another FU aimed at me, the faithful spouse. Hey, it's not bad enough that I've been cheating with more than one woman, but I haven't been using protection, either... When confronted, he was dumbfounded. In hindsight, he can't believe how dangerous it was.
me:BS Married 30 years to WS
Dday 12/16/16
Multiple affairs.
Attempting Rebuilding
Merida ( member #42437) posted at 7:11 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
is like
= evidence of failure to empathize and connect the dang dots that actions have consequences
= evidence of idiocy
= evidence of immaturity
I could go on... but yeah, when one's head is stuck firmly up one's rear-end it is apparently hard to see things that should be freakin' obvious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWwOJlOI1nU
[This message edited by Merida at 1:11 PM, July 21st (Friday)]
"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
"The darkest night is dispelled by the humblest of flames."
WaryOptimist ( member #19911) posted at 7:37 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
stoopid, because it can backfire.
I've shared this before on SI, but it's great for perspective.
I had contracted herpes before we were married. Dodged 4 bullets with all my kids' births, H and I were careful when I had the occasional lesion, he never showed symptoms.
OW wanted to get pregnant and H would purely be the sperm donor. But gosh, they fell in love, twuu love, so no cooties to worry about in that perfect world.....
Except for the fact that the safe, 20 years' married donor was a carrier.
Oops, sucks to be a slut.
Me: The faithful one Him: WS 4 incredible, grown kids Married 37 years, together 44 D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)Aaaas Yoouuu Wiiiish...
Heyheywhatcanido ( new member #52425) posted at 8:33 PM on Friday, July 21st, 2017
I had to use condoms for years with my wife after our daughter was born. It stings to know WW let another stranger have sex with her w/o a condom because he had a vasectomy. Guess it was more of a concern of bringing a new life into this world versus loosing hers, mine, or both.
...... pouring salt into the shotgun wound of the affair.
Yuck
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