SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I noticed you just joined today, and posted today, too. Today is April Fool's Day, and I don't believe a word. Quite a reflection of your character, to use the pain of others to get your jollies.

Guys - if you suspect a member isn't authentic, alert the mods. They have mad skills in this area. Calling out members is against the guidelines and heaven forbid a member is telling a real story, needing real help and they are chased off because of the readers' reactions.

Not a very good doctor if he's taking what? 8 hours off his working day to go on dates..

Maybe he leaves in the middle of surgery "Just popping out to get some milk".. 8 hours later.. "sorry had to go to the bank..is the patient ok?"

@OP you are talking about choices, as if you are standing at a grocery shop and deciding on which brand of shampoo to pick up, there is a new shampoo in town but you don't wanna be done away with the one you had been using.

OP, You need to tell your husband and he will make the choices for you, I am not trying to sound harsh, all I am saying is that when your husband finds out about this there is a high probability that you would be left with no choice at all

I wish you well

****Calling out other members is against site guidelines***

Thank you.

From the forum description:

A forum for all Former WS's who have ended or trying to end their affairs and are striving to reconcile.

This is NOT a 'stay or go' site. It's a 'stay' site. If you are looking for advice on being with the scumbag, you have come to the wrong place.

And as for how your future 'together' might look - examine how he treated HIS WIFE.

I understand why you don't believe me. This time last year, I wouldn't have believed this could happen either!!

But I've got to defend my paramour here. He had certain days of the week off, but he do kept his phone turned on for emergencies. It's not like he was stepping out on patients or anything! He's a wonderful and dedicated physician who truly caress about not only his patients,but also he has a soft spot for pretty much the entire world. He's the kindest, sweetest, most sympathetic person I've ever met and I've never been so emotionally torn in my whole life.

On the days he had off, that's when he came to see me. Most ofthe time he'd only stay three hours or so, but occasionally he'd arrive an hour or two after my husband left for work and we'd be gone from our dates an hour or two before he got back. My husband works ten hour days, so we still had the day to ourselves.

He's just an absolute angel, isn't he?

I think it's funny that you think you're the only one. On the days he only spends 3 hrs with you, he's spending the rest of his hours with other "special" patients. This guy is a predator.

And now I'm in love with the most tender, compassionate person I've ever known,

He is not compassionate. A compassionate person can not cheat on their spouse. If he had any empathy he would've left her before he was physically intimate with you. He's not tender, he is just as broken as every other cheating spouse and you are delusional if you think otherwise.

I don't know whether to stay or go or how my baby is going to fit into whatever my life is going to become

.

Affairs are deceptive and you have been deceived. Not by your AP, (per se), but by how this affair has communicated happiness to your brain. Just like drug addict who first discovered their drug of choice. They're obsessed by how Goooood it makes them feel and they go for hit after hit not realizing they're driving their own lives into the toilet. Their kids fade into the distance as their focus remains on the drug.

You're in the same place!! It's dangerous. This "love" is not real. This relationship is not good for you. You're actually thinking about leaving your Child behind??? You're deep into a mess here. You can't get "clean" while you're still using your drug. Remove this man from your life and start examining why you did this.

Mentally, you are the same as a junky...the drug is just different.

You named the baby after AP's mom? Your poor husband. How is he ever going to work through that?

Maybe it's just the new mom lack of sleep that's messing with my emotions.

Physically, affairs create dopamine. You're addicted to the happy rush this affair is creating- again, same as drug addicts. Getting over this and getting back to a normal state of mind will require a withdrawal period. You may want to talk to your real doctor about this.

I don't know what to do!! I don't know if I can stay in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life.

Woah. Easy. You don't love your baby right now! Seriously, that should tell you that emotionally something is really off. The problem is You. Your emotions have been highjacked by the affair... all you can think about is getting your happy dose of dopamine. (which you get by interacting with AP). You're not in love with him, you're addicted to how he makes you feel. Healthy normal relationships do not supply what you are longing for. You don't want to stay in a dopamine empty marriage.... love is very different. Love is authentic. Love is going to work for 10 hours to provide for wife and new baby.

Obviously the new addition didn't take my marriage to the "next step"like I thought it would

.

The grass is green where you water it. Good marriages don't just happen, you have to work at them...create them. Babies don't do that. Affairs are the opposite direction. If a better marriage was your goal, you did a 180.

And now I'm in love with the most tender, compassionate person I've ever known, but it's wrong and I'm worried and my emotions are EVERYWHERE!!

You're not in love with a man. You're not capable of love right now. You're a selfish dopamine junky. You're addicted to how he makes you feel. You owe it to your child to get your head straight. You can't recover from your drug while you're still using it. You need to completely remove AP from your life and then let your husband into the fully truth of his life.

Your choices have created a real mess.

[This message edited by NorthernGirl888 at 8:06 AM, April 2nd (Sunday)]

Just my two cents but what does that say about a man who knowingly cheats with a married pregnant woman? You're planning on throwing away everything for a man with no integrity? All I can say is good luck to you. That's a hell of an example you're setting for your unborn child. Since you have no intention of stopping, you owe your husband the decency of the truth.

Actually I had the baby in Feb

I told my paramour that he obviously couldn't be there since my husband would be there. He said he understood, but he wondered when I was going to tell my husband about us. He called the hospital that evening. He congratulated me, asked about the baby, etc. He said he wished he had been there. I wished he had, too.

[This message edited by DoctorsLove at 8:58 AM, April 2nd (Sunday)]

He is your affair partner. Paramour glamorizes what is a terrible and ugly situation.

You are experiencing limerance, not love.

You really have three choices as I see it.

1) Divorce your husband and let him raise the baby ( and change her name too). And be upfront with him as to why.

2) Go completely no contact with your AP. Tell your husband everything and get yourself into counseling to figure out why you allowed yourself to make the horrific choices you did.

3) Continue living this lie and wait for things to implode, because they will. And then deal with the fallout that probably will include losing your husband, custody of your daughter, and losing your AP because he will drop you like yesterday's trash to try and salvage his marriage. And there you will be.

He sounds lovely. Don't let this man get away because he's a keeper. What are you waiting for?

Here's how I see it-

You think that you need time away to choose between them?

1. You haven't factored in the fact that your husband is a fucking human being with his own set of choices and by having an affair and not informing him of what a selfish piece of shit wife you are you have refused to give him the respect of letting him have his own set of choices. He might not want you after all of this. I know I wouldn't. How fucking disgusting that you named his daughter after your other adulterer's mother. Betrayed spouses always find out. He will find out about this too and then imagine that every day he looks at her and says her name that will be on his mind.

2. Why don't you take a stroll into the Just Found Out forum and read the threads from the betrayed spouses? You and your 'compassionate' other adulterer have created a situation where you WILL cause this kind of pain on two other people who trust you both and have done nothing to deserve this but to love two pieces of selfish shit. This man, and YOU, caused this because you have no boundaries, no integrity, no loyalty and only think of yourselves. You are both broken. Trust me, there is nothing special about your romance. That's why this forum exists. Because you aren't unique.

3. Consider why your amazing OM hasn't told his wife yet either? What a fool you are.

Cheaters lie. You think that he is only honest with you? Let's really think about this hard. Have you been completely honest this whole time with him? About why you haven't told your husband yet? About how you need the time away to decide? About how you are on this forum?

If you know you haven't been truly honest with him, then you need to know he hasn't been truly honest with you either. You guys are both a couple of integrity deficient fakes.

I told my paramour that he obviously couldn't be there since my husband would be there. He said he understood, but he wondered when I was going to tell my husband about us. He called the hospital that evening. He congratulated me, asked about the baby, etc. He said he wished he had been there. I wished he had, too.

You're for real? You were contemplating on allowing your AP to be in the room while you gave birth to your child? Why? OF COURSE your husband was in the room, he's YOUR husband and the father to your child.

Tell your husband and your "lover" and what that you were fucking him while pregnant with his unborn child putting her life at risk. Leave your baby with him since you have no real interest in her anyway. Tell you APs wife that you two are in luurrrvvveee and ask her for her blessing. But make sure you have your bags packed first because there's no way your BH is going to want you after this. Cheating on a pregnant woman is one thing, but for a pregnant woman to cheat, risk her child, and name them after some trash that will ruin their future lives is just a new low I've seen on here.

WoW Just when you thought you heard and saw everything.

I feel bad for his wife and for your husband and for your newborn baby.

Doctor's take oak to do no harm and he has done plenty.-(I agree this sounds like a bad lifetime movie or a book) If it real wow.

Reads like a bad harlequin romance novel.

Most of the situations here at SI sound like bad Harlequin "romance" novels to me. I know that the Milkshakes situation could be adapted into a bad Lifetime movie.

I am not one to chime in on posts. But I do have to jump in on this one. Your getting an ear full of harsh responses and you NEED TO HEAR, UNDERSTAND and LISTEN to EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM! There is no deflecting from this. There is no defending your AP. Are you serious right now? This man KNEW you were married. You KNEW this man was married. WTH were you thinking. Obviously all of us in this thread are cheaters, otherwise why would be here. But I call this play on the count of BULLSHIT!! You named your daughter after another man's mother? Who isn't the baby's father! That is beyond disgusting. I would tell you this... 1- Pack ALL YOUR STUFF and ONLY YOUR STUFF. 2-Take the baby to your in laws. 3- Wait for your husband to come home and tell him EVERYTHING!! Deal with the aftermath of telling him. Then walk out the door and leave him and your baby behind. I believe in second chances to those who cheat. And to whom are SINCERE in their remorse and have genuine concerns to their SO and their well being. But you are not displaying that here. Your concern is with your AP. And wanting to be with him. And as of right now don't deserve a second chance. HAVE THAT BABY'S NAME CHANGED IMMEDIATELY!! I have heard and read a lot of stories on here but this is just wow!! Get help for yourself and quick! Your an influx of emotions due to having that precious baby and from the high of your affair. Get help ASAP! Before more harm is done!