SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I do know some offices are infested. Right off the bat I noticed my WH company seemed to hire a certain type. And texting coworkers is a formula for disaster. No one seemed appalled when my husband said yes to his scantily dressed coworkers request for a slow dance at the company holiday party. Of course half of them were bombed. It's a revolving door there. At the company I was at prior the manager joked how they tried to get a vibe during the interview process for types that would fit in. I didn't last long there. at my current job the new boss is less than professional and I see it having a negative effect on coworkers - some are annoyed and some tend to join in. Leadership obviously effects the environment. Most of my friends have a story past or present about an office affair - sad really.

My wife's affair started at work as well. She first claimed nothing happened before he left the company, but some comments he had made would possibly get my ass canned at my company if I made such comments and HR heard about it.

I think there is a lot of romance in the workplace. Singles too. I have seen many, many office romances that turned into marriages.

People spend a lot of time there, arguably as much waking hours or more than with their spouse and family.

And then there are those Thursday or Friday "happy" hours.

I actually do not know to this day if she got any money for the lawsuit or not.

Baseballmom, my observation and experience is that a court case is public, and most of these types of cases are negotiated outside of court and sealed. My observation and experience is that the decision-maker is the insurer. Almost all companies have insurance for all kinds of risks, including harassment. In the end, the insurer pays, weighing in possibility of losing (jurors can be erratic) and the expenses of legal costs.

The amounts I would see were in the neighborhood of $100K for a relatively non-egregious case. I haven't gotten involved in those things for about 15 years now, so maybe things have changed a bit or the dollars have increased. Typically the companies have made some mistakes, didn't follow their policies to the letter, didn't have regular harassment training, etc., and the plaintiff "knew where the bodies were buried" so to speak, so the insurers would rather pay out $100K than get some off-the-wall settlement from a group of jurors who see the poor woman vs. the big company (even if the company is not really that big). Plus the company does not want to take the reputation hit, and out-of-court the settlement can be sealed. Plus the company is only on the hook for the deductible and the increased premiums.

When you work with your co-workers, your work relationship is that relationship 24/7/365 - the boss at work is always the boss, whether that be in the office or in the bar afterwards. There is never a time when the boss is not your boss. That is the relationship.

Obviously, love and sex are extreme desires, and override the possibility of getting caught and then getting in trouble.

My H OW was a direct report to him but not an employee but outside contractor. He hired and managed her remotely.

Only face time was during A and not business reasons.

He was an executive at that company. She did not bring a lawsuit or file charges but she could have.

My H didn't even get that until I told him what potentially could have happened. Idiot!!

I think what makes office affairs so easy is the constant communication -- emails, Google chat, office land lines, texting, LinkedIn, conference calls, company lunches -- and the list goes on. It may start out strictly business, but for those that can't respect boundaries, it quickly evolves into something inappropriate.

Office happy hours, indeed. My wife's affair began and continued with Friday happy hour. AP: "Hey, what are you doing after happy hour? I'm grabbing a take out pizza, would you like to come over to my apartment? It's just up the road."

Convenience, opportunity and cover. How easy it was for them.

My WH's COW refuses to leave. She is a direct report. She has threatened to go to the board and report him. She threatened to go to the press make things public and file a wrongful termination suit if he made her quit.

Time to take back the power.

What is more important your sanity or his job? Yes, I understand you need his income but at what price?

Two options I would like you to consider:

1. Your WH goes to the board himself, tell them what has occurred and state that he needs their assistance in rectifying the situation.

1a) They might fire him, her or both of them

2a) They might offer COW a severance package that makes it worth her while to leave (with a confidentiality clause, of course).

2. Your WH asks for her to report elsewhere. Document performance and release her. That will not prevent her from filing but it makes it easier to paint her as a disgruntled worker.

Unless this is a HUGE company and your WH is a senior exec or it is a small town, it is likely the press will pick up on it. Why would they?

It sounds as an excuse after excuse on why she must stay working with your WH.

Consult an attorney, find the best way to minimize your risks and move forward.

You are living in purgatory hell.

There is a solution but all of them have consequences just like the A did.

(((hugs)))

Office affairs are part of the process of 'compartmentalizing'.

What happens at work stays at work.....

We used to phone each other every day to work. And then all of a sudden I was told to stop 'bugging' her at the office - they would go out lunchtime together for a quickie in the car somewhere in suspicious surroundings (traffic police actually knocked on the window and suggested to them to go elsewhere - true)

Then she suggested to get a lift to work with the COW to save on petrol money....and started to come home half and hour later every day - they got it on at work after everyone had left.

I really didn't have a chance of finding out.

My wife's LTA was born in the office of a big company.

Sometime shortly before she confessed, she was talking about a conversation with a female peer and what she related back sounded like high school. This guy is going after this gal, so and so is pregnant out of wedlock, and one key VP was a known 'player' who was working his way through several women on the office staff.

Her LTA had been over for a long time, but was still a secret. But she then realized the how hostile that environment is to marriage in general and that's when she confessed the old affair and started to change.

She finally saw some of the fallout of infidelity hurting others.

WH's A took place in the office, but OW didn't/doesn't report to him. One could make the argument that his position carries power over hers, but there is no official reporting relationship. His boss knows about the A. Nothing happened, he turned a blind eye and didn't want to be involved. He hasn't lost his job, switched, and she is still there. There have been several other As in that office too that we know about. We made a decision for various reasons not to have him leave the job. Neither of us threatened her or suggested she leave, but I am honestly surprised she hasn't.

My WH had an A with OW who worked in an office 3,000 miles across the country.

Had it not been for email, I don't believe the A would have happened just bc of logistics. It was too easy to conduct the EA through email over a period of a couple of years.

OW met my WH at his hotel when he was working at her site.

The funny thing is OW BS also worked for the same company, the day she met my WH at his hotel, her BS was working in HER office.

There was no way in hell I'd allow my WH to work there anymore. A shame bc he had 25 years with that company. Just after D-Day I insisted he find another job. I would not tolerate any communication with OW, even professional communication. It took WH about six months, but he did find another job, fortunately a better job.

WH had to work near her location at a different office prior to him leaving the company. I traveled with him.

My wife cheated on me with one of the Nurse Practitioners at her work. One of the hardest things to do was to leave him alone. The only thing I did was sent him a friend request on facebook so he would know that I knew. I have about 100 lbs on the guy so I wasn't surprised when he started texting my wife almost immediately after telling her he didn't want any trouble and was done. I'm still not sure if its ever a good idea to have any interaction with the OP because it could have easily backfired and created one more obstacle in the path of R.