SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You are getting there. Seems you finally have figured her out and more importantly yourself

She comes today for her time witha the kids. I know they are headed out somewhere with friends. After she talked to the kids on the phone last night she tried to be all nice. How was your day...what are you doing tomorrow...if you need me to do laundry or anything else around the house let me know.

Ok woman who never lifted a finger in 14 years and never asked anything about cleaning the house ever before. I know your game and I don't like it.

I also started taking pictures down and all that.

Sounds like you are doing well on keeping on course and seeing through the BS. Hang in there!

dostl,

Stick to your guns. She is stalling because it suits her. She cannot stall forever, and the last thing you need is someone like her back in your life. You have done extremely well so far, by working out what you need and not being swayed from it.

Good idea about taking down the pictures. It will help get the message across to her. At some point, when you are ready, you can box them up and give them to her to take with her. She still seems to think she has a hold over you, and your actions will show her that she does not.

Stay strong, dostl; there is light at the end of the path you are on, which is you being out of infidelity, and maybe even meeting someone who will treat you properly when you feel ready for that.

She acts like she is trying to patch things up after a quarrel with the spouse

How did the visit go? Did they stay out of the house? What has visitation been like since she moved out % wise? Has she been helping financially with the kids/house?

How was your day...what are you doing tomorrow...if you need me to do laundry or anything else around the house let me know.

"all I need are your revisions to the parenting plan"

You would think that she is questing what she contributed when you are able to adapt so easily without her.... but... Most likely she wants help with something, so she is offering to help you....or it's another method of stalling.

You sound strong in your recent posts. You can do this.

Adapting in the house is not a problem for me. It's not really adapting at all. I've always been the primary care giver and domestic one along with working from home.

I cook, clean, shop, and everything day to day with the kids, so that part of the transition is no transition at all.

She does help financially. We are still working out of a joint bank account for rent and bills as since she is living for free at a friend's house that is how it should be.

She see the kids on Wednesday and Thursday during the day. Had like 3 overnights in 3 or so months because she is staying with friends. We both agree that the ones she is staying with now the kids should not be at.

We are still working out of a joint bank account for rent and bills

No JOINT accounts. you need to open separate accounts. Establish which bills you and she will pay and then those go in the respective person's name, e.g., electric bill in your name; cable bill in hers.

Or, you work out how much a month she is going to pay you, and you pay all the bills.

JOINT anything during a divorce is a reciepe for getting screwed financially.

I feel very sad right now. This is the first time in a while I feel like I miss her. I miss our family life. I miss what we were and what I thought we would have. I just need to vent.

I know it's early to think about meeting someone new but you are a prize and you should be treated so much better than you have been. It's great that you work the same amount, get paid the same amount and are able to take care of the kids and their needs 90% of the time but... that's not how a marriage should be. You were doing everything and it still wasn't enough for her... You bent over backward trying to reconcile... and it wasn't enough. It's not you... nothing will every be enough for her.

Your a loving father, hardworking, smart, faithful and still young. You will find someone that appreciates these things and is willing to put as much into the relationship as you are.

I doubt very much your WW and OM's relationship will last. He is leading her on with phone calls while trying to fix things with his wife.

While WW wants more time with the kids, she isn't used to it. Her focus has always been on herself so she is going to have to make some major adjustments. Decision making isn't her strong point so she's going to have problems living on her own....

Things will get better for you with time.

I understand missing her and missing what you thought you had. Just remember she is not the person you thought she was. hugs.

I came here to say what MissesJai said. Remember to follow your head in the near term. Your heart will eventually follow.

Big, deep breaths. ((Dost)).

This stuff is so f+cking hard on us BSs.

All the "staying strong",

And "taking it to them",

and tip-toeing around in our bitch boots........

Crickets till your fingers itch.

NC whilst everything feels like it's running away from your grasp.

Not fair

So very very not fair.......

And "how did I get here" (water flowing under)

Jeepers - so not me.

I'm having to put the bloody "poker-face" on all the time.

1. Fathers day...i know it will be great. Me and the kids. But just another family holiday to cope with.

2. Got a father's day card from MIL saying to give WW a hug and kiss and that she knows god has a perfect plan for all us all, WW, kids and I. Id like to tell her I disagree with that. I don't think it was a perfect plan to have WW commit adultery and break apart our family. But whatever helps you sleep at night.

[This message edited by dostl10 at 5:53 AM, June 18th (Sunday)]

Yes, this is hard to swallow as God's Plan, but situations like this make even well-meaning people say stupid things. So, I wouldn't put too much stock in it.

Also, I took something slightly different away from her message though. I think it is really important that she acknowledged "we" is you and your children. To me that is tacit acknowledgement that she accepts that your WW's affair (and subsequent behavior) were legitimate deal-breakers. From what I've seen here, that is not a small matter.

dostl10, how are you doing?

Good all things considered. She agreed to my parenting plan yesterday. Waiting on child support agreement and then we will get papers redrawn to sign.

She seems to be still trying in her own ways. She actually has job interview tomorrow.

Father's day was tough. But it turned out to be a good day. I broke the don't get emotional code with WW and asked her some stuff about the A and told her I was having a rough day. She said she understood and it was all her fault. Said I was a good husband and father and she threw it all away

[This message edited by dostl10 at 3:44 PM, June 21st (Wednesday)]

Your human and up until the A she was your main means of support. You'll slip up and get emotional with her again, and its ok. Fight the urge when you can, but its not the end of the world if that happens occasionally. It will get easier over time.

You have your plan. Stay strong and stick to it. It may not always feel like it, but your doing fine..

Hand in there!

So we are telling the kids tonight about what is going on, what the future is. I am so broken for them. I know they will be ok, but they are so innocent, it's not fair.