SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hope you find peace.

WWTL,

I know this wasn't an easy decision for you and I'm sorry it had to come to this.

Good luck and peace be with you.

I'm proud of you. This is not an easy decision but it seems like you've tried your best and you need peace. Attempting Reconciliation is not the same as Reconciliation. I too am still in the "attempting" phase and don't know what the outcome will be. I hope I have the courage you do to make the right decision for me.

I wish you all the best. You will be just fine - you're a good man... Just like all of us, you deserved better.

So you're back where you started - going for D and not allowing yourself to heal - with a big difference. Now you're telling her you'll D instead of giving her your power. That's a big improvement.

Notice that - you're taking ownership of your power and taking responsibility for your decision. Those are really great steps. I hope those are not the last healing steps you take.

Your IC sounds like an idiot, from what you write. Forgiving one's WS is not a proper goal for any BS. It's unnecessary for R. Maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't, but it sounds like your IC wasn't working on the right stuff. You might consider finding a different and better IC.

Thanks to everyone for their support. This is truly a difficult time. I hate to see her in such a bad way, and my girls are also very disappointed. I do think they will come around. Their lives are blown up too over this.

Sisoon, you have been a tremendous voice to me in all of this, but i do disagree over the fact that forgiveness isn't part of the reconciliation process, at least for me.

Without forgiveness, i couldn't imagine spending my life with someone harboring the resentment that I have. The resentment and my own anger at myself is what brought me to this place.

I do think that having this final piece in the puzzle will let me forgive her and finally get to some peace. I know my journey to healing is far from over. I think this is just one part and the beginning for me. I don't discount your advice, but for me it wouldn't be a true marriage unless I got to that place, and knowing myself it is one I can't get to married to her.

Hey WWTL,

I know you tried every which way to heal yourself and stay married and I am glad that you are moving out of what was a bad deal for all concerned.

I still believe you will be happier in the long run with her than without her, and hope that taking this step to finally end that old marriage will result in your being able to heal and then see what a new relationship could be. I hope that she is around when you have healed and has not moved on herself.

All the best, keep on trying to not beat yourself up!! (And at the very least you can definitely say that you are NO LONGER a cliche!!) (yup, noted the change in the byline)

WWTL, I wish you the very best as you begin the next chapter of life. Follow your heart and have faith...you, your wife and your daughters are going to be OK.

Shalom!

I have read just about everything you have posted on SI. I saw the decision you have made coming a long time ago. Your not being able to get past the infidelity and forgive. Let me leave you with something I read years ago. General James Oglethorp, the founder of the Colony of Georgia, once told his pastor that he could never forgive someone who had done him wrong. The pastor replied, "If you cannot forgive, then General, you burn the bridge over which you must cross to get into heaven."

I know you have made the decision that you feel is best for you so I do wish you well.

I've been rooting for you to reconcile, but I understand how you feel. I hope you and your wife both find peace. Good luck to you.

Oh, waited, I disagree with you a lot.

Your recent posts read as if you've gotten more comfortable with yourself. That's the best evidence there is that you're being true to yourself.... Can't ask for or do better than that.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:34 AM, July 27th (Thursday)]

Waited, I hope you find the peace you're looking for. Good for you for having the integrity, authenticity and courage to do what you need to do to be happy. I wish you all the best, brother.

WWTL- I think I've said this before, but you have to come to a decision and don't half ass it either. I hope you know I did not mean anything by that except you need to choose a path and follow it. Once you know where you are going it gets much easier. You can't plan a trip without a destination.

You've done that. I applaud you for the courage it took to get there. No one can tell you haven't tried every way you know how. You've earned the right to leave the M guilt free and don't let anyone tell you different. No one else here has to live your life and no one here can know everything about you, your W and your history together. You do.

Keep up the IC. Best wishes on your (more focused) journey. I hope you find the peace and happiness you've been looking for all this time.

Again, thanks for the support. Lion, I also have appreciated your wisdom. I recognize that forgiveness will bring me some peace and it is my goal goal to get to that. I think that even though I will never get over the infidelity that destroyed our marriage and why we can't be together, forgiveness can be a separate thing.

i think without the internal conflict of living a non authentic life will get me to this place faster. In fact since I made this decision a lot of the resentment has lifted.

The one thing I will add to this is that when I came here I scoffed at the idea the BS had to do work to repair the marriage. Why should they as they didn't fuck it up.

I was wrong. It is true the WS has to heal themselves and BS the same and together heal the marriage. I also recognize that even if the WS has tremendous remorse, it is Ok for the BS to walk away.

I feel good that we both will ultimately find happiness

I get it. Been there. You love someone so much and when they kick the hell out of you, you have little left to give back. So you fake it because you don't know what to do.

I had/have no forgiveness in me for my XWW. It just doesn't exist. All I could do was move forward and cope.

I told her to truly forgive herself and then seek God's forgiveness (and all they both might encompass). That's the best most betrayers should ever hope for.

i think without the internal conflict of living a non authentic life will get me to this place faster. In fact since I made this decision a lot of the resentment has lifted.

WWTL - I remember when you showed up here. I think the above statement is huge for you. To me, that always seemed to be the primary issue, as it is for many of us. Reconciling the affair with the person we are married to, yet somehow trying to be true to ourselves with our integrity intact. I know you had a very hard time with this.

While I usually root for the M if there is a remorseful wife involved, which in your case there is, I do think you'll be a happier person with the path you have chosen. I think this is who you are. I think the internal inconsistency was really impacting you and your ability to R.

My hope for you is that you do find happiness, and that as you move through the process of D, you and your wife remain loving and caring. There's a difference between loving someone and living with someone. I think you have the former, just can't do the latter.

Best of luck.

WWTL, I think there are those of us that will never come to terms with what has happened. I knew on d day that I would never be able to forgive my WW. I also knew I would never feel the same way about her. I tried, I stayed, blah, blah, blah, but certain aspects of what happened are seared into my mind. I simply don't value her anymore. My M feels like something I endure. It has become a burden.

It sucks, but there's not much I can do about it. I feel like I'm going against every belief I have staying with her. I completely understand your decision. I am likely following the same path as you. In my case, it's long overdue. I wish the best of luck on your new beginning.

Hey my friend. I've been away for awhile and just checked in today and saw your update. You are taking a confident step for yourself and I applaud you. I see myself in how you have tried to accept her betrayal. I'm walking in your footsteps. My WW is remorseful yet everyday I feel the numbness in my gut that I'm not being true to myself. I'm 2.5 from dDay and 1.5 from major TT. Then I read your update and I feel not so alone anymore in my feelings of acceptance and whatever forgiveness means in situations like ours. I was going to start a new thread asking when is it too late to D when you are tired of R. I believe you just answered.......thoughts for happiness.

Wishing you peace.

This is a long, hard road regardless of the path we choose.

You tried and you realized that it wasn't what you wanted, needed or could do. That takes courage to realize this.

Deep breath and keep visualizing your path forward and eventual happiness.

(((hugs)))

I'm sad to see this, I was rooting for you two. I hope you find peace going forward.

Hi brother,

I haven't logged in for a while. I'm sad that we all had this unimaginable burden placed on our shoulders. ive never met you, but I feel I know you and can empathize intimately with your personal struggle.

There is a part of me that hates myself for reconciling. I know you've wrestled with that as well. I commend you for being true to "who you are". You've looked under every rock for a loophole to try to get past this disaster. The bottom line is there are no loopholes.

For those who have followed your story, it's obvious you did all you could. Be at peace with yourself. I bet you already feel the weight lifted somewhat. It's ok. You're a good man.