SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Tonight is the 1st night at WW's new place.

Is is hard on you, her being gone?

How are you doing brother?

What I found *funny* was that my son dealt with it better than I did.

Strength

Squid,

I haven't post in any of your threads before.

She keeps saying, "I am not my mistake". Does that sound like owning your shit?

That's true, We are not our mistakes, We are our choices and Affairs are not mistakes are choices. Infidelity is not a consequence neither, she choose to cheat because she wanted, she planned each time and lyed each time.

The M problems before her affair may be 50 / 50 or not, may e 90 / 10, the thing is that it will never explain or justify cheating. There is always other ways.

Good luck

5454,

I'm doing ok. Last night me and the kiddos watched Sherlock and The Office UK episodes. No drama. I honestly felt relieved not having her around. I did feel guilty sitting next to DS12 while she texted him. He's expressed his not wanting her to move out. I told him he could talk to me any time he needed to. Same with the older ones.

It's day one. We're all adjusting.

Yesterday we passed each other as she was leaving our subdivision going to her new place. She looked like she was crying.

Keep it up squid....I'm in the same place here. My WW is finally moving out tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready for it but it needs to happen.

Seeing them cry is rough but remember is only for them; not for you. I've caught my WW crying on occasion but I know she's only crying because her life fell to shit not because she cares how much she has hurt me. Keep it up; I've found bonding time with my kids helps the most.

fishman,

Seeing them cry is rough but remember is only for them not for you. I've caught my WW crying on occasion but I know she's only crying because her life fell to shit not because she cares how much she has hurt me.

That's a really important aspect that most BS's probably don't distinguish. The WS's crying is for them. For their pain. I like to keep thinking it's because it's she's realizing the damage she has done. Hell, I'm still holding on to that thought. But, more than likely, she cries because she realizes just how badly she shit her own bed. Is that the way to remorse and contrition? Who fucking knows.

I do know that not having her here has been nice. Yes, I still hurt. But it's not as heavy. I feel like I can breath more deeply and with less effort. You know?

The kids and I have been in an uneasy state of relaxation. We'll see how long this lasts.

I concur on the crying. Maybe a year and a half or two years out from DDay1 I told WW that I wished she'd cry for us and the marriage like she's crying for herself. There wasn't any denial on that. That was when, couple with other things done and not done, that I started to realize R might be impossible.

Strength Brother. For me I was relieved when WW moved out. Yes it was sad but I just couldn't stand to see her anymore every freaking day. She has been cold, heartless, unremorseful through the entire process.

Like yours, my kids have adjusted very well. We are closing on the marital home in 3 weeks. I'm more excited about getting my own place than sad about selling this one. I guess I'm just ready to get this shit show over with. All I know is I never wanted this, asked for it, or deserved it.....but I'm not gonna let her poor decisions ruin my life. I just want to be happy again.....and one way to accomplish that is to get her out of my life as much as possible.

I just spent a whole week with my kids, parents, sisters (and their families). It was the best vacation I've had in a long time. WW was not missed by anyone (including my kids) They had so much fun!

SuperDaddy,

I'm definitely relieved. It's like a big weight has been lifted. Sure, I'm still struggling. But not having her here allows me to just be myself where ever I want in my own home. I don't have to hide. Which seems ridiculous but that's how I felt when she was around.

Trust me squid. It's not ridiculous.....I felt the same exact way! Huge Relief!!!!!Good luck man and stay strong! Onward and Upward!

Baby steps, SuperDaddy. Baby steps.

freetogonow,

Is it hard on you, her being gone?

It's not extremely hard with her being gone. Like I said, it is a relief not seeing her here. My anxiety level isn't as high. But I did find myself wanting to text her to see if she's ok. I know she's texting the kids often. It's been particularly stormy here for the past couple of days and my instinct is to check up on her to see if she is alright.

But I didn't. The only texts we exchanged were 2 on Saturday regarding what groceries I needed to get. Mundane, logistical stuff.

Squid we've all been there. As husbands (and even fathers) we just want to protect our loved ones. Don't ask her though...it will just cause more pain.

Unfortunately, now it is strictly a business relationship. I tried to let my WW know how much she hurt me...she didnt seem to care in the least.....almost like she thinks I deserved to be cheated on. I'm telling ya....the aliens did a bang-up job on her during the abduction.

I know it's hard brother.....but you gotta let go. Let her figure out things for herself. For me I always fixed things for my wife (car related, fixing things in the house, upkeep of the house in general, hell i even helped her negotiate her salary and told her what to say, when she got her new job) Now she has to do all of that herself. Just like I had to figure out how to do things that she used to do for me.

Everyone is different but for me I don't want to talk to her about anything. If I do have to talk to her I will only discuss the marital home or kids. We close in 3 weeks on the house, after that it will be the kids only. This has helped tremendously in my healing. I simply have no more energy or fucks to give on what,why,or when things happened. My wife slept with another man while she was still married....bottom line. My only option now is continue moving forward and removing her as much as possible from my life. I have so many unanswered questions....and I'm okay with it. It wouldn't change the outcome. Nor would I get an honest answer. And even if it was 100% truth I still wouldn't believe her.

It's only been 7 months since Dday. But honestly as much as I miss my old life, it's hard to remember what it was like as I've become "used" to the single Dad life. And honestly I'm okay with that, I'd rather not remember things I did with her, bc part of me thinks it was all fake and I was played a fool for 12 years.

SuperDaddy,

I read your back story. It sounds A LOT like mine. Did she have multiple A's? My WW's behavior sounds so much like yours. I too think hers was an Exit A. But she doesn't think it is...hell, she doesn't know what it was. Just didn't think.

Honestly Squid....I don't know if it was one or multiple affairs. In my book it doesnt't matter. 1 or 1000 is the same betrayal in my book. Honestly I don't care. She admitted to it and thats all I needed in order to decide D was the only option for me. I will never look at her the same. She is a complete stranger who I don't want to be around anymore than absolutely necessary. I'll do me....she can do.... her or....whoever or whatever. She is no longer my problem. I don't wish any ill will on her...I just don't wanna be around her. Its like someone on here said....if you're allergic to something you love (steak). You may love steak but you just can't eat steak because you're allergic to it and you know it's unhealthy. This is EXACTLY how I feel about my STBXWW.

You may love steak but you just can't eat steak because you're allergic to it and you know it's unhealthy. This is EXACTLY how I feel about my STBXWW.

You know, I used to always be of the opinion that infidelity was a no-no. My father was a cheater. He cheated on my mom then cheated on my step-mom, that I loved as much as my own mother. So, serial cheater was he. I made a commitment to myself that I would never cheat. Never mind that before I was married, I was the OM with a close gal pal of mine that was unhappy in her relationship. I didn't pursue her at all. We hung out all of the time, then one day she kissed me. She was also a serial cheater, I would later realize, that was pursuing me for some time. But I was so oblivious and had no clue. Fast forward 17 years to the cruel irony that is now my life. Karma, I guess?

Is infidelity a deal breaker for me? That's a question that is weighing down on me. Could I forgive one affair? I think so. But as you say, I know I will never look at my WW the same way. Ever. So why can't I just turn away? She isn't even close to the person that I married. It doesn't really matter now since she doesn't want to R.

Goddam, I really love steak though.

You know, I used to always be of the opinion that infidelity was a no-no.

BTW, infidelity is a definite no-no. I meant I used to think infidelity was a definite deal-breaker.

I'm coming to the realization that it, in fact, is.

[This message edited by squid at 10:15 AM, August 1st, 2017 (Tuesday)]

I hear ya Squid. It's tough! Personally for me, Cheating was always a deal breaker. It's the ultimate slap in the face. Personally instead of cheating on me, I'd rather my WW piss on me and then tell me I have a small dick, tell me I'm an asshole, light me on fire, and then push me off a cliff. It would have been less painful then what I went through....and let's also keep in mind, she never came forward. I found out on my own. Was she ever gonna tell me? I don't know and don't care at this point.

I originally wanted to R. But it was more of I wanted my old life back. I just wanted things to go back the way they were....and just pretend the Affair never happened. I know now that was a mistake (for mutlitple reasons). Although I would never thank her, I'm glad my WW didn't want to R. It made my path to healing very clear and much easier. If I tried to R, I know myself enough that I couldn't block out the affair 100%. That little voice ya know? I can't R with this woman now. Her values are completely different than mine....and not just related to relationships. Parenting, treating others with respect, outlook on life, importance of family etc. I have no idea who she is or why she did it. Maybe I'm being self centered not trying to understand her point of view? But to me it just shouldn't be that hard to stay committed to your spouse. It was the whole reason i married her. I didnt want to be with anyone else and committed my life to her "til death....". I meant my wedding vows when I said them!

I've never cheated in any relationship (and I had some bad relationships) never had the urge to. I remember a GF I had in college. Great girl we just didn't click. I simply said I'm not happy and told her there was no one else (which was the truth). And didn't have another GF or relationship for 2 years after we broke up. For me, I just can't ever put my mindset into that of a cheater. Maybe I'm too much of a giver....but for me cheating accomplishes absolutely nothing beneficial....and the destruction caused by it affects more than just the 2 spouses.

I love STEAK especially with an ice cold frosty beer. Fortunately I'm not allergic to either of them!

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 12:05 PM, August 1st (Tuesday)]