SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Singapore? It's a scam. He's going to butter her up, say anything to her to tug at her heart strings, and then milk every penny he can get from her. She's being scammed.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp

Tell your wife to tell you when the OM asks for the dough.

In the meantime, see D lawyer asap.

Thats a long scam since she started talking to him in may

May is nothing. Some of these scam artists from Asian countries will work an easy mark for years. They won't go away until they've gotten everything they can possibly get from the mark. Your wife is being duped by a scam artist. I guarantee she has sent him money.

As far as i know no money has been sent from our accounts or extra money being taken out. I hope its a scam. That would surely teach her a lesson.

She has told you that you are in an open relationship. You have your answer. Either go get yourself a girlfriend or get a divorce. This woman is playing you like a violin. She is standing on the confidence that she has you where she wants you. Knock that confidence out from under her and tell her you are getting her a plane ticket to Singapore. Tell her while she is gone you will get all the divorce paperwork ready and waiting for her signature. I once had a team leader who was married to a Japanese woman. Whenever things didn't go her way or she disagreed with him she always threaten to leave him and go back to Japan. After several years of this he had had enough. One day, in a temper, she left the house threating to go back to Japan. He knew she was only going to her friend's house. While she was gone he packed her bags, drove to the airport and bought a one way ticket to Japan. When she came home and opened the front door she founds her bags in the foyer with a plane ticket on top. She never made the threat again. True story. Go buy her a ticket. I wish you well.

Do not go to MC. It's worthless right now.

Waywards only respond to strong actions. Be firm. Take no shit. Tell her you're filing and she has until the divorce goes through to convince you to stop the divorce.

You're being weak. She'll walk all over you until you stop doing this.

You say you don't want to ruin your daughter's vacation? It's already ruined. She is old enough to figure out that things are not right. And even if she doesn't know now, she will soon enough. And she will likely feel cheated because you are doing nothing to protect her, defend your marriage, or stand up for yourself. Please put yourself and your daughter first and do what needs to be done. I'd cause a huge scene and call your wife out, tell her the free-ride is over, and that you will not tolerate her behavior in front of her daughter any more.

You need to be crystal clear that you are not in an open relationship. You may be getting divorced no matter what but you need to kill any unclear information out there. That will cause disagreement and the more you disagree the harder it will be to coparent later.

You need to not wait one more second. You can't wait until vacation is done. The casino is a perfect place to 'lose' money.

thanks for the encouraging words. I am a chump at this point, I do need to stand firm. My only issue is I currently dont want a divorce yet. I would like to try to work things out. Obviously if it fails, it will end in divorce.

I do like the idea of finding myself a girlfriend or maybe even just going out on dates.

thank you for all the support because you guys are correct, i am just being stepped on.

Just over the course of two days from all the comments, i figured out im not jealous of the OM, i just have trust issues with WS. The lies, the sneaking around, the secrets. Makes me want to get spy cameras or something.

@oneinthesame The huge scene thing doesnt work on her because I do that shit all the time when we fight and that honestly is one of our issues. She hates that i have no filter and dont care what other people think. those kind of events actually pushed her away from me.

A few years ago on another forum a guy played a woman and had her take videos of herself .

He was her dom and she was his submissive. She even made videos of her self in her wedding dress.

After she was caught he blaclmailed her and posted the videos on various website. The husband had many taken down but there is no way he ever found them all.

The only date you need to go on is with a lawyer.

I understand you may not want to divorce, but there's a saying around here that is 100% correct:

To save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it.

I do like the idea of finding myself a girlfriend or maybe even just going out on dates.

. . . this is contradicted by this . . .

My only issue is I currently dont want a divorce yet. I would like to try to work things out.

The last thing you need is to complicate your life with another person right now.

@oneinthesame. just a random thought of making her jealous. You are absolutely correct, i should work on myself first and see where that leads me. Thank you. Its hard to think logically right now

[This message edited by bratwurst00 at 11:53 AM, August 8th (Tuesday)]

Don't waste any money on Marriage Counseling. That is for two people who both want to work on their marriage. You obviously can't work on your marriage with another man lodged between you. The therapist will gladly take your money, and you will just get an ass load of blameshifting. No contact before you even consider MC.

This may seem counter-intuitive but filing for divorce will have better results than praising her, giving her a neck massage or buying her a new pair of shoes. She will just use the new pair of shoes to walk all over you. If you serve her with divorce papers, first you tell her you aren't taking her shit and two, her life may very well pass before her eyes, because 26 years is a long fucking time to throw away for some dude in Singapore. This shows you have self-respect and you are taking back control over your marriage. Women respect that more than some guy pleading to pick them over a random guy that is just some stupid fantasy. I guarantee it will get you out of the affair ASAP. Make sure the D papers are as one-sided as legally possible. You just need to do it with the intention following through. If she calls your bluff, you are screwed.

Or you can try the open marriage thing, it never seemed very appealing to me, trying to keep up with each other sex partners gets tiring and it seems the women can always win that battle since there is a long line of men just looking for sex.

I am just not sure what to do. I can almost gurantee 90 percent that if i served her with d papers, she would take it. If i want to try the open relationship, i am just a chump. Maybe she is still in the fog stage. Still so uncertain.

I do MC will help. It will guide me to stay with or seperate. I have it go both ways. Most people i have spoken with have said that it doesnt solve the problem but does guide in the right direction whether its R or D

I am just not sure what to do. I can almost gurantee 90 percent that if i served her with d papers, she would take it. If i want to try the open relationship, i am just a chump. Maybe she is still in the fog stage. Still so uncertain.

I do MC will help. It will guide me to stay with or seperate. I have it go both ways. Most people i have spoken with have said that it doesnt solve the problem but does guide in the right direction whether its R or D

OP,

I've been through a wife's betrayal. My WW was a cake eater. A 2 year PA. Somehow we've been in R for 6 years. So I know R is possible even after the most heinous cheating you can imagine - If the WW is remorseful and willing to accept consequences.

But I've got to say, when a WW like your openly flaunts her A in front of you, that's the ultimate disrespect. And the gall of her saying to you "you can keep trying". As if she was some prize you had the privilege to compete for. She doesn't give a shit about you or your marriage. What will it take for you to realize that?

You should stop whatever you're doing, implement the 180 to detach, and divorce her as fast as humanly possible. Don't submit yourself to this humiliation a minute longer. You're already going to regret that you didn't react immediately. Find your self respect and use your anger to fuel your resolve.

This is the type of betrayal that can't be forgiven.

[This message edited by badmemory at 10:47 AM, August 9th (Wednesday)]

Singapore, lol. Wait for the asswipe to request a wire transfer.

i am implementing the 180 now. i plan for a divorce consultation and MC just to get everything out in the open if thats possible. will keep you guys updated. all the advice has been very eye opening and i really appreciate it. thank you.