SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Last night I caught my husband wearing my underware.

This validates this occurring several months ago too, but I told myself I had to be dreaming when it happened the first time.

It happens while in bed in the middle of the night,

When your not really awake and not really asleep.

But, I know for sure last night he had a pair on.

I felt them, I felt the two straps on both sides.

He had them on.

I have not said anything, but I just want to blurt out and ask, " why were you wearing my underware"?

The last time was March that I thought it occurred, and after that I found on his Google search history, "getting caught in my wife's clothes".

There has been transgender searches, how to walk like a woman, "pretty dresses for men", ect..

along with all his porn/dating sites and to hook up with women nearby.

I have detached due to all the porn/dating sites the lies/ deceit over the last 5 years. I'm emotionally spent.

I'm around for now due to health issues.

I guess what I'm wondering is would any of you say something?

So far when heated arguements come up I haven't blurted out anything about the transgender stuff being found like I do the other things found in his history, I don't want to embarrass him???

But, why should I worry about embarrassing him?

Could this cause real self imagine problem with him if I said something?

He's been the douche bag.

I know one of these days it's going to come out of my mouth.

I know I posted before on this when I thought he done it the first time, but I don't know how to find the responses.

I don't even know what I'm asking you people, my mind is so baffled.

I guess it almost doesn't matter anymore.

Do any of yours husband's do this or you caught them doing it?

Guys, is this normal????

.

Do you think he might be transexual?

(((Hugs)))

What a struggle you have endured. Holding on to this secret, your husband's reality and possibly his truth.

Posters will be along. It is slower here on the weekends. I just want to let you know that you have been heard.

I see much empathy for your wayward in your post. Your desire to not hurt him and not to cause him any self image problems. I too would be concerned about the possibility of the emotional impact and mental conflict someone could suffer when confronted with gender identity issues. However, this is your husband. This is also a man who has been obviously keeping very impactful truths from you. His wife.

There should be no secrets in a marriage, especially after infidelity. Do you agree?

His Google searches are very telling as well. What reason can you give for that?

I send you all the strength I have to give.

Strength

You know that isn't normal.

I would say something. I wouldn't care about embarrassing him. He is embarrassing himself!

I would sleep somewhere else. That's just creepy, and I would hide my underwear!

No, this is not normal. It's weird and scary.

I mean it seems pretty clear. The answer is he's wearing your underwear because he thinks he might be transgender. There are no direct paths through this. Unfortunately transgender people have a very very high rate of suicide compared to the rest of the population. For this reason I would tread carefully.

It's not your responsibility to heal your husband but it's clear to me you don't want to make things worse. If I were you, I would speak to him about it and only at a time when I was very calm and focused on THIS issue (in other words, not on the betrayal and the prostitutes). Don't do it out of anger or confusion. Only do it if you're ready to hear some hard things.

I would say "I know you've been researching transgenderism and trying on my clothes. I can tell that you have tried to keep this a secret, but although I'm not sure exactly what you're going through, I think you might need help dealing with it. I'm here if you want to talk, and I also think you should see a professional counsellor. Their job is not to judge you or your actions but to help you decide what's best for your life."

The word 'normal' here is confusing. I mean, is it 'normal' to be left-handed? It's less common than being right-handed, but still 10% of the population are lefties. My blood is rH negative. Only 15% of people are like me in that way. Although MOST people are not transgender, many are, and it can mean different things to different people. It may just be that your husband likes women's clothes. It may be that he wishes his body looked like a woman's. It may mean that he wants to dress up in dresses some of the time and dress as a man the rest of the time. It may be that he likes having a secret and this feels sexy. It may be that he doesn't know what he wants yet. It may be that he's thought about this for years. Only he can tell you.

The important thing for you is that none of this is any reflection on you. He has to work this out for himself and if you want to help him, the best thing you can do is be calm, patient, non-judgemental and point him at effective help like a therapist or doctor. If he doesn't know how to get a therapist his doctor should be able to refer him very quickly. It is absolutely safe to tell this to a doctor or therapist and talk to them about it, and he may need to be reassured of that.

My x husband was transgender but was in denial. He said he married me cause he thought it would "cure" him of his desire to crossdress.

He kept it a secret for years but as the years went by he couldn't keep it suppressed. He tried to get me to accept it and tried to make me feel bad for not accepting his issues.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to know more of my experience.

Some heterosexual men (not transgender) have a fetish with women's clothing. It may not be traditional normal - but it is not so weird as to be a deal breaker.

There's a big difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual. A man who likes to wear women's underwear may or may not be a person who cannot maintain a relationship with a female partner.

That's what you need to figure out. Does he like to wear women's clothing? Or is he gay? Or does he want to be a woman. Just wearing the underwear does not define who he is.

I'd at least tell him to get his own damned ladies underwear and leave mine alone!

It seems your husband is either transgender or a transvestite. Do you see a time when you can be free to leave? Do you need his insurance? After dday, I needed complete honesty about everything. He's still lying about who he is. I'm sorry countingsheep. Hugs...

I guess I meant it's not normal on a personal level to you. Not in a judgmental way.

Some heterosexual men (not transgender) have a fetish with women's clothing. It may not be traditional normal - but it is not so weird as to be a deal breaker.

It might or might not be a deal breaker. Only You can decide.

But yes, tell him you know. Dysfunction thrives on secrecy.

Oftencheated on has the right answer. For some people, it's a fetish which is not an indication of transgender or other forms of sexuality. I would not jump to conclusions without asking him

If he's wearing your underware to bed, then ask him. Clearly he's not scared of you discovering this if he willingly sleeps beside you dressed that way

That's what you need to figure out. Does he like to wear women's clothing? Or is he gay? Or does he want to be a woman. Just wearing the underwear does not define who he is.

I wear nylon/lycra shorts. I like the feel. (I wear those shorts only when I'm on my bike, though.)

Is this a deal breaker for you? It sounds like it's not.

Are you afraid that confronting your H will make him choose D? If you need the M, I can understand your reluctance.

If he's a cross-dresser, and if it's OK with you (for whatever reason), asking him may lower the level of tension in your home, because he can stop hiding ... although it sounds like he may want to be discovered.

Buy him his own stuff. I wouldn't want mine stretched out.

Wake up say.. "Why are you wearing my panties? Do you need a spanking?" and see what his response is... That will tell you a lot about what his desires are. He may want to be caught or embarrassed. Some people fantasize about that.

It sounds like a fetish. I've read before that most cross dressers aren't gay. I don't know what to tell you.

His actions prior to these findings were already a deal breaker for me.

Thank you all for your input.

Maybe he just likes the satin against his junk?

Maybe it holds his junk tighter?

One time he asked me if I have ever noticed how women take off their shirts versuses how men do. Well, no I haven't, I've never even thought about that until you brought it up.

Always has something to say if a gay looking person walks by, especially a guy. ( not ment to offend anyone by this statement).

Going back through my phone of all the things I have discovered over the years , there is a definite problem he has. 25 yrs., you never really do know who you married.

Couldn't help but think this weekend when he was bent over doing something, " I wonder if he has on my underware under there"?

This gets off into the bit weird realm for me, however I have been buying the fWW lingerie because I like how it looks on her. She hates the g-strings and tiny thongs because they go up her crack.(?) It's part of the deal, all women wear them right? So she insisted that I try them on! Ok, I'm too old to get embarrassed and don't give a shit anyway, so sure.

Very interesting! I make this look goooooood! Actually, ...no, the limited amount of fabric and straps/cord thingies didn't quiet tarp the load for highway speeds, if you get my drift, none the less, in the spirit and hope of kinky sex later, I wore them until she told me to please take them off, which wasn't too long.

I was beginning to be concerned about circulation anyway.

I doubt she ever make that request again.

[This message edited by twisted at 4:43 PM, September 11th (Monday)]

Oh my.... i don't even know what to say here....other than I am so sorry and throw all your underwear away and buy granny panties....

(((Hugs))))

There are plenty of men who are straight and cis gendered (not trans) who wear women's underwear. I don't know if you have ever tried on men's underwear, but they are very uncomfortable. Some just enjoy the softer material. Others enjoy the naughty nature of wearing something they aren't supposed to. Some have panty fetishes and will wear their wives underwear after they have worn it because it arouses them.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. Just because it might not be what you do or prefer doesn't make the person a bad person or necessarily transgender. I mean they could be transgender, but more often than not the men who wear women's clothes are just cross dressing or into sissification.

Considering her husband's Google searches, this is a lot more than him enjoying the fabric.