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This is such a tough subject for me. Mow offered up blow jobs to completion. Offered often and consistently to her boss, my wh. He figured out a way to justify taking her up on them and enjoyed himself.

Due to a sexual assault years ago, bjs are very impersonal and demeaning to me. His getting them while gaslighting and emotionally torturing me has brought all the crap of 35 yrs ago out and raw. I thought it had been dealt with and not affected me.

After dday, the tt, the std testing, the complete hell of the aftermath, i can’t see ever doing that act again. As for receiving, yes, always loved and enjoyed. But now i don’t orgasm like before. During the pa when the discard and disgust of me was in full swing, I bought a marital aid and am very very very happy with that.

He really screwed up my sexual life. Im at a point in my life where kids are independent, we have time and money and that has been taken away from me. Real sore spot.

Malibu that thought is the worst for me too. H is amazing at oral, toe curling. Imagining that part which no doubt existed is the hardest, especially since I was his only partner before her.

((((Tessthemess))))

Having found some of her pussy selfies, those mind movies are even more graphic. He could have my whole body quivering and now, though I still love it, I have to sadly admit thoughts of him and her run through my head as he's down there.

love giving and receiving. It is a deal breaker for me.From my experience If she does not like it. Her and I are not compatible sexually

I honestly wouldn’t say that my WH was bad at it. The problem was with me. I just didn’t enjoy it as much. I like a lot of other things but oral is just not one of them. It is impersonal to me. My WH got BJ’s from ONS in a car. He didn’t reciprocate. It was BJ and done. Not personal, easy to do in a car. I feel like a woman getting oral is more personal than a guy getting it. How personal is a pecker peeking out through pants? Not personal to me.

Hmmmmm,

Respond or not respond? It’s personal but I’ll respond because you are truly seeking answers.

I’m a woman who has always loved to do it. To completion usually, but it’s generally included in foreplay also.

It’s gives me such a high to give so much pleasure to this man o mine. I control it and he knows it.

We’ve been together forever so i don’t know if it would be a dealbreaker or not for him. Possibly yes when he was younger, probably not so much now.

I personally think it’s much more intimate than sex. I could, theoretically, screw a hot man I just met (with a condom and no it’s never happened!) but putting his penis in my mouth, NO!

I've always enjoyed giving them, but they are most certainly not impersonal. As someone who experienced a lot of really screwed up power differentials (including sexual abuse) as a child, I love BJs as an expression of personal power and love.

Having a man I love underneath me, letting me bring him closer and closer, ramp him up, slow it down, and then leave him thoughtless, breathless, groaning, with hands tangled in my hair...it's absolutely one of my favorite things in the world.

But, without emotional intimacy and reciprocity, I just end up feeling used. STBX would try to force deep throating, and more often than not, would shoot his load and act bored or impatient about my pleasure. I don't know why I tolerated it for so long.

I do give them. The pleasure I would say I get from it it strictly his response, otherwise, they do nothing for me

Wh loves them

Mow happily provided them.

I have made damn sure that any bj she ever gave him would seriously pale in comparison to how he feels when I’m doing it.

I know I have succeeded.

I would t miss it if he didn’t want me to do it though.

My biggest issue right now is that when I am going down, I can see someone else doing it. When I give a hand job, same. It’s been making it harder.

[This message edited by deephurt at 6:15 PM, November 18th (Saturday)]

Lesbians are supposed to love oral sex . . . but it has never been something that I enjoyed receiving. And when I became ill with Crohn's I had no desire whatsoever. I never feel clean. So, when my WW finally admitted to sex with her ex in the affair, of course it had to be "that." Her ex-gf stripped naked and asked her "Would you?" And (this kills me to even think about) my WW said "Sure!" She said they didn't finish because "it wasn't working," and there was no physical attraction or chemistry.

Then why do it???

I told her once that we have to do it at least one more time, because I can't stand the thought that her ex will be the last person she gives that to. I don't really want it, but it is the principle of the thing. Am I being too crazy about this?

And yes, I asked her if she even considered that one of her ex's sex partners since they were together might just have given her something that she could pass along to me . . . and she said "I wondered." Thanks for protecting me . . . NOT!

I love giving and receiving (not just anybody). My H didn't like them too much until he met me. I guess he never had a good one. Then SHE came along. He claims that they never had intercourse, only met up for bjs. It was a huge trigger for me and I realized I was trying to compete with her. I still do it, on occasion and have finally gotten to the point where he can maintain an erection.

Sorry, I went on a tangent, but to answer your question, guys, much like women, each have their own preferences. Some like it, while others can go without.

I have made damn sure that any bj she ever gave him would seriously pale in comparison to how he feels when I’m doing it.

Deephurt,

Unfortunately, I have not reached the skill level of the OW. Maybe if I start abusing drugs and start giving head to get my fix, I'm assuming based on her criminal record, then I may be able to compete.

Did ws say you haven’t met her skill level?

I did try new things and get rewarded ny his ecstasy.

. How much women enjoy giving them

It’s one of my favorite things. Jazzes me. Love it. Turns me on big time. The one thing I’m better at than OW.

2. How many women actually give them

Most of my friends do it. With STBXH, almost every day.

3. How many men love them

STBXH said he loved it.

4. How many men consider them deal breakers

STBXH said it wasn’t a deal breaker but he would sue miss it. He also felt sorry for guys who only got one on their birthday.

5. Do you think it’s impersonal

No, to me it’s more personal. Sex can happen without ever touching or seeing it. But with BJ, you are eye to eye. 😂

Due to personal history, I did not enjoy giving BJ's. WH was aware, and I thought understood, and never demanded them. I did do it on rare occasion for foreplay, but not to completion. At this point, I don't foresee doing them ever again. His first sex act with OW#2 was a BJ in her car that she couldn't complete due to the middle console, so they wentto her hotel to finish.

As far as receiving, I never really feel comfortable with it. WH is good at it, but I just have to be in the right frame of mind. Sadly, he also did oral for her, so there are mind movies to contend with.

I think oral is very personal and part of many healthy sex lives. For me they cause emotional distress. I have tried to change my way of thinking, but when it gets to the time to do it, I can't.

[This message edited by doigoordoistay at 12:01 AM, November 19th (Sunday)]

The first time I ever got one, my girlfriend at the time made me pull my shirt over my head so that I could not see her do it. She eventually cheated on me.

My XW would only do it in the dark where I could not see her. She cheated on me.

My second wife made sure I could watch. Even made eye contact with me. One of the most amazing sexual experiences I have ever received in my life. She is still my wife. She had not cheated.

I don't have any experience with women other than my WW. I enjoyed her going down on me. I'm not sure she was really good at it but how would I know. She slowly quit doing it. I would have like her to do it more. I would prefer to finish differently, though. However, it would have been nice to have completed once at a minimum.

The second time they fucked in a hotel (lots of high class places before that like machine sheds) they showered together and she dropped to her knees in the shower to take him in her mouth. Didn't complete but it was a nice gift for him - one I hadn't been getting for a while.

I very much enjoyed oral on her. I enjoyed the pleasure I gave her and that I could take her over the top. It was a pleasure for me. I really liked the cascading shudders as she eased down. Her AP went down on her once maybe. She says she doesn't remember. After she went down on him once and he may have gone down on her they just fucked - kiss, hug, fuck and part ways. Sometimes no kiss and hug.

Like I said, I don't have any experience except with WW. I would have liked more oral from her and once in my life to experience completion. I very much got pleasure and satisfaction of giving oral to her and giving her pleasure and it was highly arousing for me. I felt close and loving.

It was very personal. It was intimate, special, sacred for me. Her not so much I guess.

Deephurt

No, he didn't come out and say it, but after he got with her, he started complaining about my technique. It was a red flag and I asked him who has been sucking his dick. He told me that when you do it, he's supposed to cum after 2 mins. Of course he denied it and said he and the fellas were talking.

He also told me that a coworker was flirting with him (a lie bc he had already hooked up with her) and was "getting in his head" telling him what she could do for him and how she can do it better than me. I believe that was his words, not hers. And he told her that he was in love with her and when I brought that up, he told me that he wasn't in love with her, but what she did.

So, he hasn't told me directly that she out performs me. But, for the longest time he couldn't maintain an erection when I went down on him. I made sure to point out that she was a chickenhead and if he wanted another bj like that he would have to find another junkie or a prostitute. I asked him if he knew how many dicks she has had in her mouth. I also reminded him that it wasn't her per se that got him off so quickly. It was the excitement of being in public (Applebees parking lot) and being with someone new. I shared with him an experience I had to prove a point. I barely got this dude's (yrs before I met my H) dick in my mouth before the volcano erupted. It was the excitement bc we were in the back seat with my friends in the front seat. Of course he said it was just him. No, it was the anticipation. Sex is at least 80% mental (if not more) and no more than 20% skill.

Thanks everyone for answering. I know it was a very personal question to ask but I was curious and honestly wanted to know. The AP and all the ONS all did oral on my WH. He performed oral from the AP. I do not care to compete with her. You can’t compete with someone wit’s someone like that. I don’t care to know what she is better at etc. the ONS were all in a car, whip a dick out go down on WS then part ways. I think of them as very cheap and if I did it I would feel the same way. Due to them and due to the culture I came from. I don’t view people who do it in their relationships as cheap I just have a bad relationship with them.

As for receiving it, the one time my WS did it I just end up worrying if I smell ok and etc, so I never enjoyed it and it was more anxiety inducing than anything else. I prefer not to worry while doing anything sexual.

My ex ww rarely did it, until close to the end of our relationship. Then she did it alot. I found it ok, not great but not bad. It was just sex. Nothing intimate...

My now SO does it pretty frequently, she enjoys doing it. For me it is alot more intimate, and she is much better at it because she enjoys it. I don't usually finish from it, its usually more of a foreplay thing. But its something that she enjoys doing. And i enjoy receiving from her. I am more then willing to reciprocate, she is not into it that much though. But i am always willing if she wants it.

It would not be a dealbreaker for me either way.

I personally enjoy giving them very very much. I don't find it impersonal in the slightest, quite the opposite in fact. I have always felt that it is an extremely intimate act.

I have had extensive conversations on this subject with my female friends who run the spectrum from "Aw hell no!" or "well... if I have to.. ya know on his birthday..." to responses closer to Dorothy or Karmagotme.

Men also run the spectrum from "just get it done already" to "how can we make this fun for both and last longer?"

We are all so vastly different in these areas that I had always been grateful that WH and I meshed so well in this department. We both completely enjoy giving and getting oral as part of almost every sexual interaction.

Unfortunately NOW I have to deal with knowledge that he shared his sexual likes, dislikes, etc with so many other women... The conversations roll through my head almost every time he starts flirting with me.

[This message edited by PeaceLily210 at 12:40 PM, November 20th (Monday)]

I have never had any luck ejaculating from a BJ. They feel good (as long as no teeth!) but nothing special. I'd rather just have sex. As far as giving it, I do (as long we are exclusive), and dont mind it but it's not for me, it's for her.

[This message edited by Randy1133 at 12:53 PM, November 20th (Monday)]