SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You need a lawyer PRONTO.

+1

The other man is an attorney, has a proven track record of failed relationships (which is a good indicator that he is all about himself) and will likely be covering his a$$ while also coaching your wife. She likely knows that you can't force her to leave and how to play the "game" to manipulate and control you. Get a free consultation, understand exactly what you can/can't do and what the legal paths you can choose from are.

Get an attorney.

DNA your kid.

Expose affair to his girlfriend, her family, friends, her job, his professional organizations, the state bar.

The shit thrives in secrecy.

Get tested for stds.

Complete 180.

Addendum:

Fuck the IC, MC and poly right now.

You haven't done the basics.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 1:32 PM, November 24th (Friday)]

Many fake accounts and taking it underground. You sure this is her first rodeo?.

You can't babysit your spouse, she's not remorseful and you have not take any action, therefore she will not get it and will continue to do it.

Go and file brother, save time and pain and inform the obs if there is one on.

Last but not least get VAR and hide them in some places.

You sure this is her first rodeo?.

She is being coached by her AP. You said he's been married 3 times. He's done this before. You know about his current GF enough to know she is a high school sweetheart. What are the odds she was the AP when he got one of his divorces? Very likely I would say. Contact this GF. Tell her what is going on. Show her your evidence.

Start D proceedings and expose his unethical behavior. I would talk to your attorney about damages to his firm. He didn't tell you about this conflict of interest. I would nail his butt with his partners.

My attorney is working on going after him. My guy, pretty ethical dude, will have a field day with this guy. Waiting to see what happens at that end before the tell AP’s gf. And agree she was likely the AP herself at one point.

This is all so f’ed I’m totally lost. Thanks for the advise.

My attorney is working on going after him. My guy, pretty ethical dude, will have a field day with this guy. Waiting to see what happens at that end before the tell AP’s gf. And agree she was likely the AP herself at one point.

This is all so f’ed I’m totally lost. Thanks for the advise.

I have a few questions....

Do you actually know for sure, without a doubt, that she didn't screw this guy until after your daughter was conceived?

Was she screwing him during her entire pregnancy? In other words was she exposing both you and her unborn child to potential STD's? Espically during the first trimester when the risk to the baby is greatest?

I’ve tried the divorce route. It doesn’t work

What does this ^^^^^^^ mean?

Looks like you are keeping your head up despite the sh. she is giving you. No need to get repeatedly victimized and the best response is to make sure that your priorities like carrier are even in better shape than before

"It's like she's living two lives and/or is two different people--one she wants me to think she is and who she might really be".

Maybe you are living two lives. One where you hope she is who you think she is, and the other where you are in denial who she truly is.

Going through life as a detective is no freakin way to live a life.

"I've tried the divorce route. It doesn't work"? Can you expand on this? What doesn't work?

I hope you crush the SOB. The best way to get your wife's head out of the clouds (or her a$$) is exposure and, if possible, putting her 'Mr. Wonderful's' a$$ in a sling. An OM only wants a WW because it's no strings attached sex, for him. When it starts to cost they scurry away like roaches when the lights come on.

Many women, unfortunately, get in in their heads that OM really loves or cares for them and that it's more than it is, even when they have no plan to leave their husband. As soon as you make it real for him, HE will make it real for her, revealing his true colors. Once she sees that and realizes how she's been used, any romance, admiration or 'in lurve' feelings will vanish like a fart in a hurricane. I know, because I was able to do a lot of damage to my wife's OM on his way out. That's what he gets for screwing my wife AND being a smart a$$ about it.

Anyway, I reiterate...EXPOSURE, EXPOSURE, EXPOSURE! Don't be half-a$$ed of tip-toeing around with it either. He had no problem messing with your life so you should have no problem messing with his.

Lastly, I have to agree with a previous poster...get your little girl checked via DNA. It will be tough, I had to do it for 4 kids and thank GOD I got all good news. Doing the DNA made it even more real for my wife and she is VERY contrite now. A lot of damage was done, but hopefully we'll make it. I wish the same for you.

In response to trying the divorce route: I’ve told her to leave the house in a trial separation and she refuses to leave. She’s said I can leave if I want. But the house was older and I put a lot of time doing projects, building a deck, bookcases, etc, and believe she should leave. Also, she created this mess. I am not going to leave unless it is the only option.

I have been to an attorney about my options. Divorce is easy. Custody would be 50/50 unless she’s unfit. She was unfit, in my mind, during the affair. She didn’t clean, cook, etc., and only nursed/changed my daughter. I did down off/pick up at daycare, watched her while she was at “work” late. Not trying to sound like a saint here because I truly loved doing that for my daughter and actually miss it. Now my wife cooks, cleans and does things should have been doing these passed two years. We also carpool to/from work about twice a week and the wife is home about 15 minutes after me so there’s little daddy/daughter time. Anyhow, I don’t want to not see my daughter everyday.

Beenthereinco: Agree she’s being coached. He told her to deleted all electronic communications. She did mostly that. I do believe he’s still feeding her info. One tell is that she’s accused me of talking to an attorney on how to ask her questions. She typically only makes those kind of accusations when she’s doing it herself.

Booyah: I living two lives. One in which I want her to be how I thought she was, denying who she is. And the other who sees through her BS and believes it’s still going on and that she’s a person who gas lights and only looks out for her own ass.

We all get it here, the two lives thing. The advice that you are getting is good advice that you should follow DESPITE how you are feeling.

You do not need to look far on this board to find someone coming back after the first d-day saying that the posters here were right, the affair was physical/went on longer/was still happening.

Feel awful, sure, that's natural. Take care of yourself though. Speak with a lawyer, do NOT move out.

Pro-tip, this doesn't turn into a fairy tale for her (it literally never does). Think about it objectively. All you know about him is that he's a multi-time adulterer who is coaching her on how to cover her tracks effectively. You don't have to be psychic to see where this ends up.

You need to work on your boundaries for the inevitability that she comes back crying to you because he's an asshole.

The advise is very good, Xhz700. And I’m taking it all in. There are things I’ve never even thought about.

You need to work on your boundaries for the inevitability that she comes back crying to you because he's an asshole.

The thing is, she’s shown emotion once about this whole thing. It was when I bought her a gift. When we first married, we made a trip but couldn’t afford a gift she liked at the time. I was at the same place for work a couple months back about bought it for her and reminded her of the story. She cried then. First and only time.

I wish I could do that more often, remind her of our history while showing I want this to work. It’s just hard to not look at her with disgust and question the kind of person she is.

I’m sorry that you have been thrust into this mess, but please take action. It’s absolutely the most unethical attorney practice you can imagine. I don’t know what your attorney is going to do to him, but you should report him to the state bar assn., any local or county bar assn.s in your area and any of the professional groups this scum claims on his resume. Make his life miserable, not as revenge, but he has violated almost every tenet of the code of ethics in your state. You don’t have to sue him. Get him disbarred. Good luck.

I just posted in General on this, I called the thread "The Wayward Narrative". Take a look.

I wish I could do that more often, remind her of our history while showing I want this to work.

Doing this WILL NOT result in what you want it to.

It’s just hard to not look at her with disgust and question the kind of person she is.

This is the correct viewpoint for you right now.

I was at the same place for work a couple months back about bought it for her and reminded her of the story. She cried then. First and only time.

She is crying because she wrecked your marriage, and the gift reminded her of that. It won't get her back...

Contact your state bar association and file an Ethics complaint against him. I'm an attorney and this makes me sick. This dude must have failed all his Ethics classes.

Jeaniegirl: There’s a Disciplinary Board in PA that investigates complaints. That’ll be a last resort if a prefiling settlement isn’t reached. My attorney is in the same boat as you.

Ironically, the AP’s ex is a legal malpractice attorney...