SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

marriage fog is a interesting thought....

personally i don't put any credence in a affair fog, and probably would not into a marriage fog either...

She got closure, the moment the divorce papers were served it was closed. It may not be what she wants. But she played a dumb deck of cards and that is result.

Like others have said, she needs to get into IC to help herself work through this. Her marriage is gone, not coming back. She needs to work through it.

For whatever reason she made a choice to step out of her marriage, somewhere inside herself something was wrong, otherwise she would never had done it....

And thats what happens when you double dip.

Frankly in my mind she should be thankful that her EX sounds like he is very involved with his children and is not a dead beat dad.

Honestly, i hope that she finds a way to become a better person, but i she got exactly what she deserved. She stepped out, he walked. Simple, clean and the end of it.

thanks for posting this story - its very sobering as a wayward in terms of what could have been....

it sounds like she is trying to eat her way through a huge serve of regret - with no one else to blame. It will take her a long time to move on i imagine - i feel very sorry for her but then i'm a wayward i guess with a different perspective.

thanks again for posting...

She is in regret land...

She made her choices. There are consequences.

I wish her BH all the best.

I agree with most of the replies

but i never heard this kind of story

because the last day when she talked to her XBH was

the day when she got divorce papers.

i have seen many people doing this but they do talk

to WW to make them agree on divorce

and other things

but this one never did that.

Yeah, I agree that it is pretty impressive the the bh part.

After my ww left and I filed I never talked to her directly again. A couple texts on divorce finances etc. Very strictly business. Whenever she tried to go any other direction I completely ignored it. I never answered a phone call from her.

I only saw her once in person again, that was signing off on sale of our house. I never spoke to her there. When she tried to engage me afterwords I just walked away and drove off.

That was the last joint item that was on the list. After that day I never answered a text or email or call again from her.

It took her about 4 months to completely stop contacting me. And that was bliss...

I just don't have time, energy or gumption to have a person like her in my life. End of story.

MD props for that bh. He did better then I did and I feel like I did well.

I experienced a bit of marriage fog during this R process, in the form of emergency damage control and trying to hold the M together, and then one day things seem to stabilize and I'm like, "wait a minute. What am I fighting for? I do all this work and at the end of it all after all this heartbreak, what do I get? I win a cheater who lied to me and betrayed me. Do I even want it?"

YEP! many times I have thought and even said this out loud, to my ww. This is the prize I get?

For some and I've seen a few infidelity is a deal breaker.

Some decide and move quickly.

There are no guaranteed second chances.

Both have to move on. Hopefully smarter and wiser.

feelings of obligation and "owing him" due to my having cheated

Darkness falls, what do you mean, by "owning" him? Or did you mean, owing him?

I couldn't go that way because lawyer time is expensive. It's a pretty extreme cut off. It sounds nice. Most of us confront to be sure, and then start paying attorneys. I haven't taken a call from XWW since she was served. Text/email, only business to get her out of my life.

Marriage fog? This seems more like basic regret. She didn't think through the consequences of her choices. Like many gamblers who staked too much and lost, now she wants it back, but she can't have it. She probably has had some part of her self-esteem based on her X's valuation of her, and he's written her off like a bad debt and moved on.

Jorge,

No, I meant owing him (I had to go back and make sure I didn't mistype). What I mean by that is, I felt like since he wanted to reconcile after I fucked up, I had an obligation to do so. I would no longer feel that way but that was my thought process at the time.

Darkness,

No, I meant owing him (I had to go back and make sure I didn't mistype). What I mean by that is, I felt like since he wanted to reconcile after I fucked up, I had an obligation to do so. I would no longer feel that way but that was my thought process at the time.

I get what you’re saying. It was a remarriage not a reconciliation so in reality you owed each other nothing.

It does seem to come across as regret on your part though.

I was definitely in a marriage fog but mine was unrelated to my mad hatter status. I was so busy proving to myself he was who he told me he was, instead of SEEING who he was every day in every thing he did to me (abuse wise). Yep, there can definitely be all sorts of fogs :(

ETA:

He had to be one of those people that said, you cheat I'm out. I've been with people like that. Some people put that on the table from day one. I guess not everyone does, but most do.

[This message edited by smokenfire at 8:06 PM, December 2nd (Saturday)]

Yeah, as I said to them upthread, I think there is a little bit on both our parts. I totally do feel that if he'd met someone better after the D, I'd never have heard a peep from him again. I think it's nightmare01 who says that a faithful wife would have been his "Plan A" but since that's not what he got, he defaulted to "Plan B" which was his WW.

For my own part, there was just so much baggage between us that I have questioned the wisdom of my decision at times over the years. My affair, his misleading me about reconciliation while having a rebound "relationship" with my former "best friend," premarital issues which persist, etc.

I don't regret it though because I do love him, when things are good they're very good, and our daughter is beyond my wildest dreams.

I think it is interesting she sees the BH sister as possive. Yet again blaming someone else. He wants NC, which means no new hurts. She wanted an affair. She needs several clues.

I think it's nightmare01 who says that a faithful wife would have been his "Plan A" but since that's not what he got, he defaulted to "Plan B" which was his WW.

I doubt that. Don’t sell yourself short.

Time and looking back he probably realized there was more there than what he thought at the time.

His actions on following through with divorce tell you that.

He doesn’t seem the type who would just settle.

No marriage fog. No final talk. Consequences. Why would she deserve a final talk? It could be like the talk she provided her BH that she was going to fuck a COW. Did she do that? He's moved on. She is upset that she couldn't have her cake and eat it too.

It seems a marriage fog can exist, but I take that as the WS thinking the BS is horrible while the A is going on or leading up to it. It's rewriting history again. The BS may seem horrible to WS, which is their excuse for an A, then when it blows up, the BS is perfect and the regret/remorse is extreme. Do you follow? All in all, the BS does not deserve this and the WS needs to learn coping skills and relationship guidance to deal with issues.