SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

what do you mean jc?

I did not tell her husband bc it never became physical. dont want to make a fool of myself. he may think their relationship was no big deal.

You thought it was a big enough deal to come to this site. Tell the husband. He can decide. Why shouldn't he have the same chance to decide that you have?

Harley Quinn,

Your responses 5 pages later are just off.

I suggest you seek counseling immediately. You really do need help.

I agree with the above poster.

You have given one sentence responses.

YOu need counseling.

greeneyes can you elaborate? there are a lot of blanket statements being thrown around. im rushing my posts bc I dont want my husband to know that I am writing on these msg boards

“I have to forgive him”

“I am rushing posts b/c I don’t want him to find out I am writing here”.

“15 years of sexting with pics is not that bad b/c it is not physical”

“He said it was an escape” (and apparently you arre fine with that”.

You sound very insecure, no self esteem, completely controlled by your husband, and definitely co-dependent.

This explains why your husband was comfortable enough cheating and he has no fear about any consequences...laughing when you asked him why he doesn’t jerk off to you. Oh my goodness.

If you are for real, this is very sad and instead of writing here you really need counseling. You need to get your self esteem back. Only then you will be able to assess the situation in a healthy way. You appear to be under complete emotional control of your husband who is dictating how you should feel.

Please, please, get a counselor soon.

But you probably won’t because you are afraid to make your husband mad with that, right? Imagine if he finds out you are going to counseling because he lied to you for 15 years and cheated on you. That would be bad....You don’t want him upset (sarcasm).

Harley,

Members are not posting generalizations. They spend time and energy speaking the truth from their collective experiences in order to help a poster who came here looking for advice.

Most of us don’t email our friends and say, “just want to see if you’re ok, send me a dick pick so I know for sure.”

If you are OK with your husband continually checking to see if his ex fiancé is doing all right by viewing head cropped photos (does checking her body out and exchanging graphic emails ensure that she’s ok?) for fifteen years, while keeping it a secret from you, then it’s ok for your marriage.

I wish you well.

[This message edited by Greeneyesbluezy at 11:18 AM, December 18th (Monday)]

Do you go out of the house? Do you have transportation? Do you have a smart phone? Laptop? Desk top computer? If you only have a desk top, go to a library and log in.

id like to hear more opinions about my situation please

Tell us what you intend to do with the opinions you've already received.

BTW, how is it that you identify with Harley Quinn the DC Comics supervillain?

who says I identify with her?

Answering a question with a question is not someone seeking help IMO. I also don't sense tany hurting in your post which is interesting. I also notice that you are soliciting more advice without commenting on previous advice so....either I think you are a troll or are really Not looking for help but a certain response that you are looking for but not getting. Sorry

She is a troll.

Not sure why she is trying to get out of this but it is getting boring.

I suggest the moderators lock this thread.

Watch for her next response:

"why do you say that, JC?".

So annoying.

bump

Do you feel betrayed? Doesn’t matter what we think. Do YOU think his behaviour is cheating?

id like to hear more opinions about my situation please

Are you opinion shopping for what you want to hear?

My opinion is you need firm boundaries, as does your husband.

they mostly talked about sex and how he always jerks off to her and how he thinks about her while having sex with me. 90% of the emails are about sex. they exchanged naked photos as well. he maintains that she means nothing to him, that she is only an escape from reality.

This is cheating.

is this cheating even though it never got physical ?

YES. He is thinking of her while he is having sex with you.

is this an emotional affair? does he still having feelings for her?

YES. YES.

This is a very difficult situation for me and I was want to know that what he is doing is wrong.

No doubt this is difficult for you. How painful to know your husband is thinking of someone else when he is with you.

You know its wrong by how you feel.

If he said he would stop and hasn't, what consequences are put in place?

If it wasn’t “cheating” or “crossing a boundary” then it doesn’t need to be hidden and secretive.

Here is the litmus test. If you wouldn’t say it or do it I’m in front of your spouse or Significant Other- then you know it’s wrong.

End of story.

No it wasn't cheating because he said it wasn't cheating.

There, is that what you want to hear?

You shouldn't hurt because he said you shouldn't.

You should be ok with him doing whatever he wants with his ex because he said you should.

If he says the sky is purple, you should believe that, too.

Feel better?

I think that's what you're here for. I think you're looking for justification to stay in an abusive situation but you won't find that here.

Look, if you don't want help, why bother posting and asking people to take valuable time out of their day (and ask for their caring) if you intend to ignore the responses, not answer the caring questions, and leave us wondering why you're here.

Maybe Siri can help you. That's what this thread has felt like.

Unless you feel like sharing what's actually gone on in your life since you posted in December, actually answering the caring questions of 5 PAGES of posters who reached out to you, actually look like you intend to either come to peace with or change your situation, I'm wasting my time here.

update on my situation. He talked with her for 2 hours on Valentines day. Some of the content was sexual in nature. Eventually he found out that she was getting married! He freaked out on her and told her that he will never speak to her again. he has since blocked her email. he is totally done with her now and wants to focus on our marriage. Not sure why he reacted he way he did to her news but I am happy that we can finally move forward! I won!!!

You didn’t win. His ego just got hurt momentarily.

He will go back to her. I’m sorry. :(