SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Today is the first and best day of the rest of your life. Don’t waste it. This is especially important for your daughters to see how a strong and good man reacts in a crisis. Keep a positive attitude. As hard as it may be to do, reassure your daughters that you all will get through this. Do not engage with your WW. She’s not worth the time. Aim to get to meh, as difficult as that may seem right now. Ignore her and continue to improve yourself. You need to get in to IC to work on yourself and how to gain self respect. Get to the gym start working out. Pick up some hobbies. Get out with people. You have done nothing to cause your WW’s adultery and betrayal, it is she who should be ashamed. Work on your self confidence and self respect and the future will be very bright for you.

badmemory, it's a 2x4 that's needed here, I can see that now (again). And I appreciate the reminder.

hope you can go NC with her.

she is still stabbing you in the back.

remember she is your enemy.

read about the 180. time to kick her out of the house.

She can go stay at OM's house. she went with him all day on sunday, even after she knew your pain.

She does not have a conscience. It is all about her. Hope you tell the kids, her work and her family.

Here is a bit of advice from my very wise (and well paid) therapist.

He said there is such a thing as a successful D.

And you, my friend, have it.

You see the therapist explained it like this. If you end up D, one way to minimize the guilt and bad feelings like you were a “failure “ in the M is to Know you did everything possible and gave it your 100%.

Now your W choosing the A makes that part obvious. Her choices did not give you much to work with. So you cannot have any guilt about the M failing.

But you hoped to R and put that option on the table. She declined!

So you should have no guilt or remorse. Yes it hurts like hell but years down the road when you have healed - you will be able to say you did your best.

Best of luck to you. I hope it ends quickly for you.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:22 PM, January 23rd (Tuesday)]

Thanks 1stwife, that was a very inspiring post. I look forward to it ending as fast as possible too!

Is it possible to ask WW to leave rather than you staying away from home. It is fair b's she is the one who broke the marriage.

Did you tell OBS what WW told you. OM may be bull shitting. Now since you have almost nothing to lose tell OBS and if OM is conning WW's unicorn will shatter

[This message edited by goalong at 7:16 PM, January 23rd (Tuesday)]

Double Secret Probation

Originally used in the 1978 American college classic film "Animal House," Dean Wormer puts the rowdy Delta Tau Chi fraternity on a "double secret probation," since the Delta House is already on probation.

The term has since evolved to mean the act of being on probation while still partying on a regular basis.

Don't be like Dean Wormer No endless probation.

[This message edited by Michigan at 8:20 PM, January 23rd (Tuesday)]

Is it possible to ask WW to leave rather than you staying away from home.

My IC recommended this and when I asked WXH he pretty much jumped at it. It gave him the opportunity to be a victim (kicked out of his house, with no car, in the winter, blah blah blah). It also gave him the opportunity to spend more time with MOW while staying in her friend's vacation home. I didn't care, it helped me so much. We rented, so no question of losing rights to the property. I was able to get my balance back. It was good for my DS as well.

I'm a child of D. Once my parents separated and divorced I experienced a calm and peaceful home and NEVER wanted them to get back together. Trying to maintain a nuclear home for your kids is not always in their best interests. A happy, peaceful home with mutual respect is in their best interests.

msrodg, you are receiving some good advice, so I hope you listen and are able to act on it. Remember, unlike your WW, the folks on here have YOUR best interests at heart.

goalong had a great idea. You should absolutely tell OBS that OM has told your WW that he is leaving his wife and they are planning on a life together. She deserves to know.

As others said (many times), start the 180 for yourself. Sorry for your D's, but no more family game nights. You need to protect yourself (and them). This is their new reality too. Don't communicate with your WW unless it's divorce or child care related.

I hope your lawyer is good and looks out for you.

Msrog you have a great heart. Someone else is going to really appreciate that. You will hold hands, do chores, laugh, dream, all the good things. I don't want to be without my WS, but he made his choices over and over. I want someone who wants me. I wish it was him. I can't make him into someone he's not. He just changed over time and will never change back. I'm sad but I know it won't be forever unless I give up.

I don't know why life does this to us. Your girls deserve to live in a home where the parents love each other. Let her go for their sake. Your pain will heal in time. I'm suffering so much now and I'm trying to act strong. I wish he would see my pain and have empathy. Don't know if he's capable.

Who does this to someone? I have a hard time understanding how I still love someone that lied and fooled me and told me I didn't know what I was talking about......it goes on and on. For some people it's the sex that gets to them. For me it was the lies and mean things he said, the sneaking out after I was asleep, then sneaking back. Pretending they were just friends for over a year while I cautioned him not to get too close.

At least she's honest about wanting to go. There's nothing left but memories for you. If you're like me, you don't wish pain on anyone. Say goodbye and stop bringing pain on yourself.