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I have read two concepts that go together, and I just need to know how much truth is in these statements.

1. "Men fall in love with their eyes."

2. "A man will marry the best looking woman he can get."

Are these true, both true, always true?

I am trying to understand men, love, and sex. As a woman, I doubt I will ever fully get it.

About as accurate as women always marry for money. Some do and most don't.

No idea about number 1, but the second point is definitely true for my WH, as he married me! That is all.

About as accurate as women always marry for money.

Well, the places I am reading this are more scientific. There is data to support that "men fall in love with their eyes," while I have not seen any data that says anything about loving someone for their wallet.

This is being presented as looks and attraction being THE most important thing for a man. Over other qualities.

True?

Is attraction to someone such a powerful force in a man's life? I guess I want to know what non-cheating men think and feel.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 3:55 PM, March 10th (Saturday)]

Stereotypes that really should be put to bed. Women like attractive men as much as men like attractive women. It would be rare for either sex to go looking for someone that they find unattractive. I think the ratio of shallow men and women is probably pretty much the same. Most men don't have the power to marry only for looks. When I look around, it seems the majority of couples are pretty much similarly matched relative to "looks". Rare to see an attractive man or woman with an unattractive mate. Happens, but rare. So, I think the men marry for looks is unfounded.

Men don't fall in love with their eyes any more than women. If by fall in love is meant are attracted to attractive women, then they pretty much be even with women that also are attracted to attractive men. Most men want a happy, healthy, honest, loving women. I think most women want the same of men.

When it comes to sex, I see very similar behaviors from both men and women relative to their promiscuity and sex drive in an A. I think the hundreds of stories of the activities of WW's here on SI pretty much show women can fir the stereotype of many pretty easy.

I am a man and I really don't care for sex that is not in a committed, trusting, monogamous relationship. I've seen other BS's say the same thing in SI. For me, sex and love reinforce each other.

[This message edited by DIFM at 4:18 PM, March 10th (Saturday)]

But what is the attractiveness that their eyes are seeing. Physical attributes, enthusiasm/ exuberance, movements.

I’ve noticed women’s hair texture in a line and thought “attractive, investigate more”.

So I think men are visual .But what are they visually targeting?

But I know my ratio/ balance of visual to character/ substance has definitely seen a change in its weighting.

I think this thing about men being uniquely visual is overblown. Women go absolutely nuts over good looking guys. A good looking guy with his shirt off showing great abs gets even more female attention. Women are just as "visual". If by "visual" means attracted to what they find good looking.

Know what you don't see much? A great looking women with an unattractive man. Women make those choices just as men do.

"Men fall in love with their eyes."

This is true(ish). I am one of those men. Once upon a time, a young woman smiled at me. She had such a beautiful smile that she quite literally interrupted my train of thought in mid-sentence. And to this day, I cannot remember what the hell I was even talking about.

There have been times when I've met women so beautiful that I've felt my IQ dropping. It's true. Beautiful women make me stupid.

That being said, however, some of the ugliest women I've ever met were also stunningly beautiful. So, when I people say that men fall in love with their eyes, it's only true to an extent. If the woman isn't as beautiful on the inside as the out, well, that's a lot like eating Big Macs. They taste good, but have very little nutritional value.

"A man will marry the best looking woman he can get."

Again, true(ish), but I think you're looking at it from the wrong perspective. A man will marry the best looking woman who will have him. That's more accurate, I think.

Still, beauty is only skin deep.

The simple truth is that men appreciate beauty. We're wired that way. I'm sure a statement like this might get me into a world of trouble, or offend, but I've met far more gay men who are very conscious of their appearance and far fewer gay women who were equally concerned. I only mean this to demonstrate that men do, more often than women, fall in love with their eyes.

Beauty is a strange thing. The world is a beautiful place, full of beautiful things and creature and life.

For a while, my very beautiful wife became one of the ugliest women I've ever known.

Beauty will only get you so far in this world. More is required.

OK. I'll bite. For me yes. This was 28 years ago. A non uniform day at school and she walked past me in a pair of tight, 80's jeans and said 'hi'.

I watched that ass all the way down the path and yes, I was instantly in love.

She still has a great ass. But she also has a shyte personality.

Damn.

1. "Men fall in love with their eyes."

More like men look for pretty women to fall in love with.

2. "A man will marry the best looking woman he can get."

Men looking for relationships will start with the best looking women we can. Marrying them usually requires a whole lot more than physical beauty.

Edited for quotes

[This message edited by Murkywaters at 4:55 PM, March 10th (Saturday)]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Quiet confidence is very attractive. Personality and values play a large role.

The first thing that my WW told me on DDay about why was that he was physically attractive.

I believe men fall in “lust” with their eyes.

They can physically lust after a woman who ticks off their particular “hot” box.

I think love encompasses much more.

As far as marrying the “best looking,” again, I think most men look for more in a potential lifelong mate and mother for their children.

As for women, well there were some really hor surfers in Hawaii and it never crossed my mind that I wanted to marry any of them. I just think both sexes can appreciate what they find physically attractive in a person.

FWIW

the appearance is the getter for the first attention - a nicely groomed woman with a nice manicure and coiffed hair and not to much eye shadow and a slender figure - gets the attention.

I dated some Playboy Centerfold grade ladies a long time ago. All of the (my luck) were "high maintenance." One was a Six foot blonde with hair down to her waist and she would wear 4 inch spike heels when we went out. Wherever we went eyes were on her. There were several others. One took me one date to figure out not a keeper. A friend/acquaintance asked about her. I told him to ask her out and find out for himself. Apparently his (ahem) took over and he actually MARRIED her!! About six months later he figured out which brain to put in charge. She was Awesome in a bikini!! She could walk into a bar an automatically start a fight.

I ended up marrying (over 45 years now) someone very cute - tall, slender, curvaceous enough and willing to PUT UP WITH ME. Well, we have an attraction that survives to this day through a lot of stuff that life tosses into your in basket.

the initial attraction for both of us was "looks" - what make the union stick had almost nothing to do with looks.

Hope this helps -

Most men are visual. However, most of us learn over time tat looks are not everything.

If you look at these threads men are more likely to refer to looks when talking about their wife while woman talk about the person.

It just hurts me. And makes me sad. Not because I am not attractive enough or whatever, but because I don't want it to be so . . . superficial. I want us to matter more, hold our guy's attention easier, BE more than appearances!

Triggers, triggers, triggers when I read this stuff! It gets in my head and won't leave!

I want my guy friends to simply like me, enjoy my friendship, value my charm or wit or loyalty. But not look at me "that way." And my H to see women, know women, value them as intelligent or funny human beings with various qualities. But not ever see them "that way."

But I have to accept it, accept what is going on in men's minds. I just do not like it.

Many men are indeed very visual, I know I can be at times...my wife knows exactly how to get my attention and it ain’t with what’s for dinner, lol.

However, if that was the only thing involved, I don’t think we would have stuck it out this long, especially after all the crap she’s put me through.

A man falls in love with his eyes.

A man wants the hottest woman that he can get.

Though as a man learns that the woman is not

pretty as a person he will stop dating her and

continue his search for the hottest wife he can get.

Though many a woman has fooled her suitor having

him think that she is as good on the inside as she

is on the outside.

They marry. Then we see him posting here years

later.

I fell in love with my W because of the sound of her voice, but we had been in a class together for a few weeks before that happened. We had talked superficially, and our guru worked to make the class a team. IOW, I don't really know why I fell in love with her, but it was her voice that made me approach her. Then her conversation gave me the coup de grace....

Not very long ago I saw the results of a study of college kids (Northwestern, I think). Early in the semester the students were asked to rate their fellow students along some attractiveness scale, and the results look like they were based on physical attractiveness.

IIRC, the members of the class did projects together. Later in the semester, they were given the same questionnaire, and it looks like personality/character/partnership qualities played a lot bigger part in the evaluations.

It was a newspaper story, so it didn't give many details, like whether or not it was a published peer-reviewed study.

*************************

My bet is that I rate my W's looks a lot higher than other people would. I expect she's always been 'average', but I very rarely saw anyone who looked better to me when we were younger (up to 55-60). Now youth looks pretty good, and we're not out and about as much as we used to be, but I still think I only rarely see a woman whose looks I like better than my W's when she was about the same age.

IOW, it's how my W looks to me in terms of my own scale that counts - and I didn't create or, maybe, become aware of my own scale until I fell for her.

Lots of words that sort of prove beauty is in the eye of the beholder....